One Helluva Ride

Chapter 4: New Job

          Several months had passed since Verosika's tour. Splice had since blocked Verosika, getting on with their life. The prostitution business had been booming. Despite this, Splice had begun to grow bored with their life. They wanted to do something new–something exciting. 

          Splice's hopes were answered as they saw a poor-quality flyer on the ground. They looked down curiously, picking it up. "I.M.P..? That's a stupid fucking name." They scoffed as their gaze scanned over the flyer. It was apparently some freelance assassination company in need of employees. Splice let out a hum of amusement. Becoming an assassin would definitely be something interesting to do.

          The company was run by another imp–some guy named Blitzø. Splice tracked his phone number to find his address, making their way toward the apartment building he lived in. It wasn't that far from Splice's own apartment, so the walk only took a few minutes. They looked up at the door for a moment before they finally knocked.

          A few minutes passed, and there was no answer. Splice frowned, knocking again. "Alright, alright! I'm fuckin' coming, jeez.." A voice called from inside. After a few moments, the door swung open. On the other side was an imp that vaguely resembled the shitty drawing on the flyer. "Are you Blitzø?" Splice asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning to one side.

          Blitzø looked Splice up and down. He knew he recognized them, but he didn't know where from. "Who's asking? You're not the IRS, are you?" He asked suspiciously, crossing his arms over his chest. Splice rolled their eyes. "No." They answered. Blitzø glanced down both ends of the hall. "Good," He said, dragging Splice inside by the collar of their shirt.

          "So, what did you say your name was?" Blitzø asked casually. Splice looked him up and down. ".. Splice." They replied curtly. Blitzø's face lit up in recognition. He seemed pleasantly surprised.

          "A porn star, huh? Color me impressed." Blitzø said in a somewhat teasing manner. Splice was unenthused. "I'm not here to play around." They spat. Blitzø seemed a little taken aback by their sudden hostility.

          Splice glanced around the apartment. Considering Blitzø owned an entire company, it was pretty shitty. "Uh.. what are you here for?" Blitzø asked, his gaze drifting around awkwardly. The smaller imp lifted themself up onto the kitchen counter to sit down. "I'm looking for work." They explained with a shrug. Blitzø's face fell and he looked unimpressed. "Listen, sweet cheeks, there's no way in hell I'm fucking you, no matter how many holes you have." He replied dismissively, seeming like he was about to kick Splice out.

          "Not that kind of work." Splice corrected annoyedly. "I'm talking about your company, you fucking dumbass." Blitzø suddenly stood up straight, as if he just remembered he owned a company in the first place. He cleared his throat. "Fuck- right. Yeah. Well, uh- I have to see if you've got what it takes." He said, crossing his arm over his chest in what looked like an attempt to be intimidating.

          Splice hopped off of the counter and took a few steps toward Blitzø. "Go for it." They replied casually. Blitzø was a little taken aback by their laid-back attitude. He tried to remember the interview questions he had prepared several months prior. "What is your experience with killing?" He asked. Splice raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?" They were a bit surprised at the straightforwardness of Blitzø's question. Blitzø let out a sigh. "Do you think you have the balls to kill people or not?" He said bluntly, rephrasing his question for more clarity. Splice chuckled.

          "Do you really think someone who stole from Verosika Mayday couldn't kill people?" Splice said somewhat sarcastically. "Plus, I've been in the porn industry. We literally torture people for money." Blitzø stopped for a moment, looking a little bit puzzled as he thought about Splice's answer. His brows furrowed. ".. alright. You're hired. But if you fuck up, you're outta here." He replied.

          "You got it, boss," Splice said with a chuckle, playfully winking at Blitzø. He looked somewhat serious and professional now. "I expect to see you in the office tomorrow. I've got a meeting with a potential client." He explained, crossing his arms over his chest. As he spoke, a hellhound stepped into the room, tapping away on her phone. ".. who the fuck are you talking to, Blitzø?" She asked annoyedly, before looking up. She froze once her gaze landed on Splice. The very tip of her tail wagged.

          "Holy fuck! Blitzø, do you even know who that is?" The hellhound said, looking surprised. Blitzø shrugged. "... the porn star?" He answered. The hellhound let out an exasperated groan. "No! .. Well- yeah- but that's not all they've done. This is the imp that did an album with Verosika Mayday!" She explained excitedly. Splice smiled awkwardly, shifting their weight to the side. That wasn't exactly one of their proudest moments.

          "Oh, yeah? Well- they're also our new employee!" Blitzø interjected, crossing his arms over his chest in a prideful manner. He seemed a bit annoyed at the mention of Verosika. Splice glanced between the two demons, slowly stepping backward toward the door. "Shit, really?" The hellhound asked, her eyes lighting up. Splice smiled anxiously. "Haha.. yeah.." They muttered. Not wanting to be stuck in this awkward situation any longer, Splice backed toward the door until they finally reached it, ducking out of Blitzø's crummy apartment.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

          Soon enough, the next day came. Splice began walking to the address specified on the I.M.P. flyer. They finally came to a worn-down office building. They stepped inside and went into the elevator, clicking a button and watching boredly as the doors slid closed. After a few moments, the doors opened. Splice stepped into the I.M.P. office.

          On one side of the room were two imps. One of them held a crossbow shakily. On the other side of the room was the hellhound Splice had met the other day, boredly holding up a photograph of a human family. "But.. it's a family! Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?" The white-haired imp asked, lowering his crossbow. The black-haired imp beside him frowned.

          "I mean.. if that's what the client wants." She replied with a shrug. The white-haired imp still seemed conflicted. "Maybe like a shitty dad, or a mob family." He muttered, scratching his head with the crossbow. "That's understandable." He spoke in a shitty Italian accent.

          "But to eradicate an entire innocent–seemingly, in this instance–upper-middle-class family bloodline?!" The imp exclaimed, clearly distressed by this moral dilemma. The hellhound growled, glaring over at the small imp. "Hey! You don't know they're innocent. This kid probably sets dogs on fire. Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online. And this guy? This guy definitely watches." She snarled, narrowing her eyes as she looked up at the picture in her hand.

          The black-haired imp smiled. "Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties. It's why so many of them end up here." She explained, standing beside the white-haired imp. He looked down at his crossbow questioningly. "But-" He started. The black-haired imp cupped his cheeks in her hands. "Guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox. Killing who we're paid to is our business." She explained. "Shoot the target." She kissed Mox's cheek and stepped back.

          "I just think it's a bit excessive. We could be a bit more selective, is all." Mox said, aiming his crossbow carefully. Just then, a door burst open. "Guys, I want you to meet-" Blitzø started. Startled by the sudden noise, Mox accidentally fired off his shotgun. The arrow bounced around the office like a game of pinball, leaving destruction in its wake. Blitzø managed to catch it. ".. our newest client." Blitzø finished disappointedly. The purple-skinned demon beside him seemed startled.

          The fish tank in the room fell over and the eels inside spilled out. They lit up with electricity and set the place ablaze. "Damnit, Moxxie, I just bought those eels!" Blitzø complained.