One Helluva Ride

Chapter 12: Distractions

          Splice returned to the beach, meeting up with Blitzø to check the kill count. "That's nine more kills in the bag! I'd like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many-" He started, clearly boasting. He was interrupted by a voice on the loudspeaker. "Alright, spring breakers! Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some bitchin' bad choices?!" Verosika called from a stage that she had set up. A crowd quickly formed around it. The words, 'Fuck you, Blitzø' appeared on the large screen above her head.

          "This is your final boarding call. All aboard~" Verosika purred. Splice gulped as dread pitted in their stomach. There was no way Verosika knew that they were here, right? Blitzø grumbled annoyedly. "God damn it! That bitch started her goatish mating call. Now she's gonna win all the sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys." He called, obviously pissed off. Verosika's posse began to seduce members of the crowd.

          Near Blitzø was an intoxicated human, who was vomiting his guts out. "He on the list, Loonie?" Blitzø asked. Loona was staring absentmindedly at Vortex. "Huh? Yeah.. I- I think so." She muttered, although she clearly wasn't paying attention.

          Splice caught sight of one of their victims. They approached the tall man, swaying their hips as they walked over. "Hey~" They purred. The guy looked down at them, raising an eyebrow. "Piss off, fairy." He said dismissively, waving a hand. Splice's eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "Aw, come on.. I promise I can show you a good time." They replied.

         The man's gaze flicked up and down. "Fine. But you do as I say." He demanded. Splice shrugged, grinning smugly. "Deal." They replied. Upon their agreement, the man grabbed Splice by the wrist and dragged them off. "Good." He muttered.

          "You know... there's one thing I should mention," Splice said as a malicious smirk spread on their face. The man paused, looking down at them. "What." He spat. Splice shifted forms. "You should never make a deal with the devil." They pounced onto the guy, unsheathing a dagger and plunging it through his chest.

          Splice made their way back into the crowd, searching for more victims. They stumbled, bumping into someone. "Shit- sorry!" They said. They felt their heart speed up as they looked to see who they had bumped into. "Oh.." They muttered, feeling as their face heated up with an embarrassed blush. Milky looked up at them with a seductive smirk. "Splice! So good to see you again~" She purred, wrapping her arms around Splice's neck.

          "Yeah, you too.." Splice muttered sheepishly. Milky walked her fingers up Splice's chest, lightly tugging at the neckline of their shirt. "How about you and I take a little break, hm? It's been too long." She whined. Splice carefully removed her arms and stepped back. "Maybe later? I'm.. kinda busy working right now." They said. Milky frowned.

          "Come on.. can't work wait just a few minutes~?" Milky asked in a seductive whine, wrapping her arms around Splice's waist and pulling them closer. Splice let out a shaky breath. "Milky, really, I can't-" They froze as Milky kissed their cheek, melting into her touch. ".. okay, just a few minutes.." Splice agreed, practically swooning.

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          Splice ended up being gone for more than just a few minutes. They quickly pulled their pants back on, returning to the beach crowd. They spotted Millie, heading over. "Just where have you been?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips. Splice chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry. Was getting people on my list." They replied. Thankfully, Millie's attention was grabbed by a wobbling barrel. It toppled over as beer spilled out onto the sand. Moxxie followed suit.

          "Moxxie!" Millie exclaimed, leaning over her drunken husband. Moxxie smiled. "Millieee! Hiii... Hey. Hey, when did you get four heads..? I wanna kiss 'em." He slurred, reaching his hands up toward Millie and making kissing noises. Millie chuckled, gingerly picking up her husband.

          Water splashed ashore as a large fish monster emerged from the ocean. "Ooh. Fish." Moxxie slurred, gawking at the large creature. The creature's tongue wrapped around Moxxie and pulled him in toward its mouth. Moxxie kicked his legs excitedly. "Weeee!" He exclaimed. Millie's eyes widened in worry. She quickly stole a beer bottle from someone, tearing their shirt and using it to create a molotov. She lit it and threw it at the monster.

          The fish stumbled. Millie took that as her chance to leap onto it, slicing up its body and prying its mouth open. She reached for Moxxie, who was weakly wrestling the creature's uvula. Moxxie gave her a high five. She rolled her eyes, grabbing Moxxie and cutting off the monster's tongue. The creature let out a garish screech and Moxxie went flying through the air. Moxxie landed in Blitzø's arms.

          Millie, however, stayed to fight the beast. Moxxie cheered for her, still clearly out of it. "Dude.. is he okay?" Splice asked, poking Moxxie's cheek. The small imp remained unresponsive, looking at Millie with a lovesick expression. "I love that woman.." He practically swooned. Blitzø rolled his eyes. "She totally pegs you, doesn't she?" He asked. Meanwhile, Millie sliced open the monster's neck from the inside, effectively killing it. She made her way back to shore.

          "Ohh, yeah! Way to show off, Mils!" Blitzø called. Millie crawled onto shore and shook the water off like a dog. "Is Mox okay?" She asked gently. Blitzø looked down at Moxxie, promptly dropping him. "Oh, yeah. He's fine." Blitzø replied. Millie walked over, gently scooping him up in her arms. "Thiis is funny.. I'm so.. drinky~" Moxxie giggled.

          Millie chuckled, hugging her husband to her chest. "That was cool as fuck, Mils." Splice complimented. Blitzø rolled his eyes. "Okay, this is too wholesome for my liking." He complained, crossing his arms over his chest. Verosika and her posse strolled over. "Blitzo." She spat. Splice quickly hid behind the three imps. "Oh, perfect! That must be the whores." Blitzø announced sarcastically. Verosika crossed her arms. "That was handled rather.. obvious, don't you think?" She said with a smirk, acting as if she'd already won.

          Millie's eyes narrowed. "I don't think this belonged to any of us." She said, tossing a flask to Verosika. "Would be a shame if anyone found out you were behind a giant monster fish in the human world." Millie grinned maliciously. Moxxie giggled. "Oh, Satan! You'd all be so FUCKED!" He wheezed.

          Verosika's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, well.. you three nasty-ass gremlins will be shit on for not being in disguises!" She shot back. Moxxie faceplanted into the sand. "A human called me a possum.. I am not a possum!" He slurred. Blitzø stepped forward, nudging Moxxie back with his foot. "Y'know.. we could keep this little b-movie scene on the down-low if you agree to let us use that parking space." He offered with a smug grin.

          ".. fine." Verosika spat. Blitzø let out a laugh. "We fuckin' WON!" He shouted excitedly, throwing his arms in the air. "Fuck yes!" Millie cheered. Blitzø relished in his–probably uncommon–victory. "In your face, bitch!" He yelled. Verosika scoffed. "Come on, let's get out of here. Tex!" She got ready to leave, clearly butthurt about her loss.

          Blitzø grinned, walking away from Verosika. "Come on, Loonie Toonie! Let's go back and park our fat fuckin' car in our fat fuckin' space!" He called. Loona began dejectedly walking over. She opened a portal. Millie hopped in with Moxxie in her arms. Splice stood with Blitzø. "Let's get out of here already.." They muttered. Blitzø went into the portal and Loona followed. ".. Splice?" Verosika asked.

          "Shit!" Splice tensed and quickly jumped into the portal, ducking out of the way. "Hey, someone gimme a boost." Blitzø requested. Millie walked over and tossed Blitzø through the portal so he could flip Verosika the double bird. Once he got back inside, the portal closed. "So, why were you hiding from Verosika?" Millie asked. Splice attempted to respond, but Blitzø cut them off. "Oh, they stole some shit from her." He explained. Splice elbowed Blitzø in the side annoyedly. "You WHAT?!"