One Helluva Ride

Chapter 16: Pesky Angels

          ".. okay, so remind me again why you three haven't started using disguises?" Splice asked annoyedly. Blitzø rolled his eyes. "These are disguises, bitch." He answered. Splice simply shook their head. "Whatever you say.." They muttered dismissively. This whole thing was a bad idea. They were literally on a tour bus in front of dozens of people!

          Moxxie stared through a set of binoculars at the upcoming mansion. "Oh, gee, I wonder whose house this is." He said sarcastically. The building was incredibly extravagant, and uselessly so. "And to your right is the home of famous inventor Lyle Lipton." The tour guide said, gesturing over to the large house. The people on the bus made noises of awe and mindlessly snapped pictures with their phones.

          "Let's do it, gang!" Blitzø called, hopping off of the bus. Millie and Moxxie followed suit. "Let's kill this rich guy!" Millie yelled excitedly. Splice let out a sigh, hoisting themself over the railing. ".. let's get this over with." They muttered. The tour guide observed this commotion. "And here you'll find four tacky stalkers about to commit a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time." They announced. The crowd excitedly snapped more pictures.

          The imps crossed the grounds, peering through one of the large windows. A bedridden Lyle Lipton was hooked up to an IV. "Wow.. that machine really did a number on him," Moxxie muttered. Lyle glanced mournfully at a framed picture in his wrinkly hands. "Goodbye, my one true love." He lamented, gingerly kissing the glass over the photo. "All the money in the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value,"

          Splice watched in confusion. "Why doesn't he just go back into the machine to reverse the aging process?" They asked quietly. Blitzø shushed them. "Shut up! He's about to do our job for us." He replied excitedly. Lyle tied his IV tube into a noose. ".. should we go in there and tie it for him?" Moxxie questioned.

          As Lyle attempted to pull his makeshift noose over his head, it began to glow. It erupted into light, knocking the imps from their place at the window. Lyle's eyes adjusted to the light, revealing three small angelic creatures descending above him. "Oh, lord- I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!" He exclaimed. Blitzø managed to get himself up, glancing through the window. "Who the fuck are they?" He asked annoyedly.

          Moxxie's eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, no.. sir, those are-" He stared in horror at the creatures. "Cherubs, mister Lyle!" The baby-looking angel said. Lyle stared up at them with disgust. "I hate filthy stinking orphan children!" He said. The three cherubs didn't seem phased by his clear disrespect. "We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir! To grant you a blessing on behalf of those in heaven benefitted by your amazing technological advances." The blue sheep explained.

          Blitzø got more annoyed by the second. "Oh, hell no!" He seethed, proceeding to march straight through the window. "Don't listen-!" Before he could continue speaking, he faceplanted into the ground among the broken glass. Moxxie walked through the door. "Lyle Lipton. It is our.. humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die." He said.

          Millie stood beside him. "I mean.. what do you expect to do with all this money now that you're old? ... and gross." She looked somewhat disgusted by the bedridden man. The yellow sheep gasped offendedly. "Is that a serious question? He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!" She explained, tossing a few of Lyle's bills into the air. Lyle looked distraught. "No!" He whined, grasping desperately to catch his falling money.

          "He could pay for new hospitals and schools!" The blue sheep said. Splice broke into a fit of laughter. "Yeah, right. You've clearly never met a trillionaire before." They muttered. Lyle looked up at the cherubs. "Why won't you let me die?" He asked sadly. Blitzø sidled up beside him. "Ooh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?" He asked, looking over to Moxxie.

          "I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas-" Blitzø stared at Moxxie with a concerned expression as he listed off his inventory. "I've got cyanide pills." Splice offered. Blitzø seemed somewhat disturbed by this information. The blue sheep's eyes widened in horror. "He's classier than that!"

          Lyle lifted one of the rifles to his mouth. "Clearly not," Splice muttered in response, gesturing to the old man. The blue sheep gasped and quickly took it from him. "There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mister Lyle!" The sheep quickly said in a useless attempt to persuade the suicidal man. Millie scoffed. "Yeah, right! Smells like he ain't been out of bed in months." She replied, taking a whiff of the old man. She became visibly ill, turning away so she could throw up.

          "Life can be beautiful at any age!" The baby cherub defended. "And we'll show him!" The yellow sheep agreed. The cherubs all smiled and looked at each other, devising a plan. "Yeah!" They cheered excitedly. Splice's hands cupped their face. "Fuck.." They muttered defeatedly. So much for an easy job.