One Helluva Ride

Chapter 24: Truth Seekers

          Business had finally started to pick up again. "Right, so.. remind me what this mission is again?" Splice asked softly. Blitzø looked over. "You'll figure it out. Just make sure you have all your shit." He answered. Splice boredly did a once-over of their weapon inventory. "Is it gonna be just us?" Splice questioned.

          Blitzø didn't answer, fully engrossed in whatever horse pictures he was organizing. "I'll take that as a no, then." Splice muttered, turning away from Blitzø and making sure that they were ready for the mission.

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          Blitzø hopped through a window, tumbling down and landing in a pile of trash bags. Splice, Moxxie, and Millie followed quietly. "Shh! Remember, we can't be seen." Blitzø said as he pressed himself up against a wall. Splice rolled their eyes. "Right.. says the guy who just landed on a bunch of trash bags." They muttered sarcastically. Blitzø whipped around to look at them.

          "Shut your pussy-licking lips, Splice!" Blitzø spat. Moxxie turned toward the portal that Loona had opened, seeing Millie waiting for them on the other side. Everyone quickly froze as they heard a gun being loaded. "Get down!" Blitzø shouted, tackling Moxxie to get him out of the way.

          Splice looked over to see two suit-clad, sunglasses-wearing humans. "Shit.. you two get out of here!" They shouted to their coworkers. They quickly grabbed a trash can lid, tossing it like a frisbee toward the humans. It hit the brunette on the knuckles, causing him to cry out and drop his weapon. "The hell?! Why is a human workin' wit the demons?" The brunette asked his blonde partner.

          Loona stared through the portal, watching in horror. She clutched the grimoire to her chest with trembling hands. "Loona, close it!" Blitzø demanded. Millie's eyes widened. "Wait, no!" She protested as the portal closed in front of her.

          Moxxie brandished his gun, prepared to fire at the humans. He froze as a dart hit him in the neck. "Moxxie!" Splice and Blitzø exclaimed. Blitzø scooped Moxxie up in his arms, going after the blonde-haired human. Meanwhile, Splice went after the brunette.

          The three imps struggled to catch their breath as they ran from the humans pursuing them. "I smell.. colors.." Moxxie muttered, dazed. Splice and Blitzø skidded to a stop as they reached a dead end. Splice stood defensively in front of Blitzø and Moxxie. "Fuck off, you Men in Black rejects!" Splice shouted, brandishing their dagger.

          The blonde human raised her weapon. Before Splice could attack, the blonde human tased the three imps. As Splice fell unconscious, they shifted back into their demon form. The brunette chuckled. "I'd like to see the suits at corporate call us losers now. That was pretty badass." He said with a grin. His companion nodded. "Super badass." She agreed.

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          Splice glanced over as Moxxie began to stir. The blonde human–Agent Two–grabbed a light and shined it in Moxxie's eyes. "Finally awake, huh, little fella? Your partners have been for a while now." She said. Blitzø rolled his eyes. "Look, shitbag, it takes a lot more than that to keep me down, alright? I took a fuck ton of tranquilizers in the college I dropped out of. Also, I've been strapped nipple-first to a car battery!" He replied. Splice gasped and looked over. "Shit, you too?" They asked with a grin. The brunette–Agent One–grabbed the light from Agent Two to shine it on Blitzø.

"Tell us, demon scum. Who do you work for? Satan?"
"How did you get to our world from the afterlife?"
"Why are youse killing humans?!"
"When did you show up here?"

          Blitzø huffed. "Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a very nasty shock and I'm still fuckin' woozy, so I'm gonna request you get us some coffee before we get into this. I mean, everyone gets coffee in shitty movies with scenes like this, am I right? I want something iced, bitch. Splice, you want anything?" He interrupted.

          Splice thought about it for a moment. "Mm.. I want something iced, too. But none of that ninety-percent sugar shit. I've gotta keep my figure." They answered. "Mox?"

          "I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more 'cappu' than 'cino'. Make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk. The beans won't have the right texture, otherwise. And make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup, they always put 'Foxxie' or 'Roxxie', I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a venti traditional misto. Please use soy milk with two blonde shots–affogato and ristretto. I'd also love three pumps of vanilla at the very bottom. Then add the coffee after, then–" He started.

          "Enough! We aren't gettin' youse coffee." Agent One yelled. Blitzø smirked. "Wow, I was getting massive douche chills there Mox, congrats." He complimented. Splice shook their head affectionately. "You're a barista's worst nightmare." They said. Moxxie smiled proudly in response.

          Agent Two leaned in toward Moxxie's face. "If we have to, we are willing to resort to torture methods to get answers out of you nasty hell-beasts." She threatened. Moxxie's eyebrows furrowed confusedly. "When you say tortured, do you mean physical or psychological? Physical seems counter-productive. We would likely tell you anything if it meant an end to the pain, and you would have no way of knowing if it was true." He replied.

          Blitzø looked over at Agent Two. "Or we might like it too much. And then you got a whole new thing to deal with." He joked. Agent One raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, leaning closer to Blitzø. The imp looked Agent One up and down. "Ooh, you're stupid, huh? I could work with stupid. Daddy likey dummy." He mock-flirted.

          Moxxie burst out into laughter. "Good one! Haha.. daddy likey-" He snickered. Splice looked up at Agent Two seductively. "Step on me, mommy~" They purred. Blitzø and Moxxie couldn't help but laugh. Agent Two blushed and stamped her foot on the ground. "You better stop laughin' at us!" She shouted. Agent One grabbed Blitzø by the collar of his shirt.

          "Yeah! You're the ones at our mercy!" Agent One said with a smug grin. Moxxie struggled to regain his composure. "It's hard to resist, I'm really sorry. I mean, considering your approach thus far; you've had us tied here for what, hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are." He said. Agent Two's head cocked to the side in confusion. "What are you?" She asked. Moxxie looked up to her. "I'm a virgo." He answered. "HA-"