One Helluva Ride

Chapter 27: Sexy Man Calendars

          Splice lounged across one of the armchairs in the office, tapping away at their phone. Blitzø had called everyone in for an 'important meeting.' "So.. we're short on money again?" Splice wondered aloud, glancing up briefly. Blitzø's arms crossed over his chest. "No!" He went quiet. "Well.. yeah. But the fact that you just assume that pisses me off!" He protested. Splice rolled their eyes, shutting off their phone.

          "What kind of shitty plan have you got this time, boss?" Splice asked sarcastically. Millie lit up, jumping from her spot at the table. "Ooh! What if we do a bikini car wash?" She offered excitedly. Blitzø pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're only asking that because I said no to the car wash last time, aren't you?" He muttered annoyedly. An idea came to Splice as they glanced at the calendar near Loona's desk.

          ".. we could do a calendar." Splice proposed. Blitzø's gaze shot over. "What kind of calendar?" He asked. Splice shrugged, adjusting themself in the armchair. "A sexy one. You know, like those 'man in uniform' calendars. Verosika does them all the time–they sell really well." They replied. Loona briefly glanced up from her desk. "They're right. Sexy sells." She said. "You know what, you guys have a point. It's high time I showed hell all of this!" Blitzø exclaimed, taking his shirt off and flexing his nonexistent muscles.

          Millie covered her mouth with her hand to stifle a laugh while Moxxie looked on in horror. Splice shook their head softly. "Just.. let me handle the posing." They muttered.

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          "Okay, here's the plan; there'll be a group calendar, individual calendars for everyone, and a couple's calendar for M&M," Splice explained as they read off of their notepad. Moxxie shifted anxiously. "Are you sure about this..?" He asked softly, a bit closed in on himself. Splice glanced up. "Yeah! Everything will be fine, don't worry." When their reassurance was met with silence, they looked around the room. They would be working with a group of amateurs.

          "Uh.. we can do my shots first. I'll show you how it's done." Splice offered comfortingly, beginning to set up the makeshift tripod and camera. Once everything looked semi-decent, Splice did a once-over. "Alright, let's get to work." They muttered, lifting their shirt off over their head. The other imps sat in shocked silence.

          ".. what? It's nothing you haven't seen before." Splice said as they rolled their eyes. More silence followed their statement. "That's assuming that we've watched your films," Blitzø replied, crossing his arms over his chest. Splice raised their eyebrows, looking at Blitzø knowingly. ".. which, uh.. we might've. I might've." He muttered, averting his gaze. A chuckle escaped Splice's lips as they tidied their appearance. "Oh, trust me, you haven't seen anything yet." They replied with a grin.

          Splice's photoshoot went by smoothly. They made quick work of stripping and striking seductive poses for the camera. They seemed like a complete natural in front of the camera. They scanned over their pictures, before pulling their clothes back on. "Okay, that's me done.." Splice muttered softly, crossing it off of their checklist.

          "Hm.. let's go with Moxxie next." Splice said, glancing up. Moxxie went rigid. "Wh- me?" He asked. His hands trembled as he gestured to himself. "Yeah. I can kick everyone out, if you want." Splice didn't even look at the imp as they spoke. Moxxie shifted his weight back and forth. "Uh.. can we do that?" His voice came out small.

          Splice looked up from their notepad. "You got it." They said with a comforting smile. "You heard the man. Everyone out." They instructed, gesturing toward the door. Blitzø left reluctantly, trailing behind Loona. Moxxie grabbed Millie's arm as she turned to leave. "I want you to stay." He said softly. Millie smiled comfortingly. "Of course." She replied.