One Helluva Ride

Chapter 10: Stolen Space

          Splice woke up to the sound of an obnoxious car horn. They jolted awake, sitting up in bed. After a few moments, the horn sounded again. Splice slowly stumbled out of bed and made their way to the window. Outside of the apartment building sat the I.M.P. van. "Hey, Splice! Get up, we're taking you to work!" Blitzø called. Splice let out a groan. "Be right there!" They shouted.

          Splice made their way downstairs and climbed into the van. "So.. why are we doing this?" They asked, still somewhat asleep. Millie, who was in the backseat beside Splice, was the polar opposite. "Because it's fun!" She exclaimed. Blitzø adjusted the rearview mirror to look at them. "Exactly. It's team bonding." He agreed, cranking up the volume on the radio. A song called 'Mustang Dong' began to blast through the speakers.

          Blitzø attempted to sing along, but he clearly didn't know the words. He drove recklessly, cutting between lanes and speeding like a madman. As he neared the company parking spot, he skidded to a quick stop. Splice, who hadn't worn a seatbelt, banged into the back of his seat. "Ow!" They complained. Blitzø stared at the car that had cut him off, glaring down at the license plate. "Oh, you 'suck for life,' do ya?" He grumbled.

          Blitzø pulled out a megaphone. "Listen up, you unoriginal pink cumdump! You have three seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot." He shouted. Splice peeked over the seat to get a look out the windshield. A tall succubus stepped out of the car. "Oh, shit! Verosika!" Blitzø said, clearly surprised. Splice cautiously ducked down to hide.

          "Blitzo." Verosika greeted coldly, loudly popping her bright pink gum. Blitzø glared at her from the driver's seat. "I should've known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd, since the nearest ocean is three rings down!" He said. Verosika scoffed. "And I should've known you'd be here when I heard the amber alerts." She replied, adjusting her sunglasses.

          Blitzø grumbled. "Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in hell!" He insulted. Verosika tossed her hair over her shoulder. "They let me out because I'm still famous, and rehab is for sad loser wash-ups." She said, taking a swig from her flask. She wiped her lips with her thumb. "So, your sister says hi." She grinned. Blitzø took a step towards her.

          "Why are you parkin' here?! This is the only spot my company has, so take your tampon racecar somewhere else!" The imp demanded. Verosika looked down at him with a disapproving gaze. "Actually, prick, it has my name on it." She said, stepping aside to reveal her initials written in bright magenta spray paint on the asphalt. "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building." She explained condescendingly.

          Loona watched the interaction through the window, seeming starstruck. "No way.." She muttered. Her tail wagged excitedly behind her. "And they wanted me to come in this week to lead their team during spring break." Verosika said. Blitzø's eyes widened in surprise. "A week?! No, no, you are not parkin' here for a fucking week!" He complained. Verosika leaned down toward him. "Aww, you mad, Blitzo? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and-"

          "-run three rings to Wrath and max my credit cards on shitty horseback riding lessons?" Before Verosika had finished, Blizø had joined in. It seemed like the two had quite a bit of history together. "Goddamnit, whore, you will not let that go!" Blitzø complained, rolling his eyes. Verosika glared at him. "Choke on a sandpaper cock." She replied, turning to walk away. Blitzø took a few steps toward her. "Hold on! You better move that pussy wagon, or I'm gonna-"

          Before Blitzø could finish his threat, a burly hellhound stepped between Verosika and him. The hellhound's arms were crossed over his chest. "You'll what?" He asked intimidatingly. Blitzø visibly panicked. "Or, I'll.. uh... Uh, I- I'll call HR!" He answered nervously. It was quiet for a few moments. Everyone broke into a moment of laughter before it was silent again. ".. Anyway, meet my new hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." Verosika said snarkily.

          "Ta-ta, fuckstain." Verosika spat, sashaying into the building. Vortex followed behind her. Blitzø shook his head. "I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that.." He muttered. Loona was still reeling. "You know Verosika Mayday?!" She asked, eyes wide. Blitzø looked away, seeming distant and uninterested. "Huh..? Oh, yeah. Her, yeah. We dated." He explained with a dismissive wave. Millie stuck her head out of the car window. "Was it before or after she became a pop star?" She asked with stars in her eyes.

          Moxxie stepped out of the van. "You dated a pop star?" He questioned judgementally. Blitzø huffed. "Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock?" He asked annoyedly. Loona looked down at Blitzø. "Uh, helloo? It's Verosika Mayday." She replied. Millie frowned. "It's you?" She answered. Moxxie blinked in confusion.

          "I just.. is she blind? Suffering some form of brain damage?" Moxxie questioned concernedly. Blitzø frowned. "Okay, look, you all are making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives." He complained, almost a little pouty. Moxxie looked appalled. "You do that all the time, sir!" He replied. Millie was unwilling to meet her boss' gaze. "Come on.. you do kinda do that." She muttered.

          Loona glanced up from her phone. "You totally do that." She said plainly. Splice leaned to one side. "You literally have a key to my house." They noted. Blitzø seemed offended. There was silence for a few moments, as no one really knew what to say.

          "What was sex with her like?" Millie suddenly asked, blinking dreamily. Moxxie seemed appalled. "Millie!" He exclaimed. Millie shrugged. "What? It's a pop star! You wanted to know what sex with Micheal Crawford was like!" She shot back. Moxxie went quiet. ".. touche." He muttered.

          Blitzø huffed. "Okay, look, let's just drop it. Millie, j- find a temporary spot for that truck." He said, tossing the keys. Millie caught them and skittered into the front seat. "I'll make sure she doesn't crash." They said, climbing into the passenger seat.

          Seeing that the situation was handled, Blitzø walked toward the office. "Okay. Loonie, Moxxie, let's go handle this shit." He said, sauntering off. Splice glanced over to Millie, who was looking over the various buttons on the dashboard excitedly. ".. you do know how to drive, right?" They asked. Millie grinned, starting up the van. "Do I?! I grew up driving tractors and wranglin' hogs! It's not that much different." She replied excitedly, putting the car into drive. Splice slowly and carefully buckled their seatbelt.