One Helluva Ride

Chapter 6: Home Free

          Four gunshots rang out in the woods. Blitzø sprinted along, not wasting a single moment to catch his breath. He could hear the deranged mother–Martha–'s laughter echoing through the small forest. It almost seemed to follow him wherever he went. Blitzø slid down a small hill, stopping for the briefest moment to breathe. His lungs burned with each harrowed breath.

          "I know you're hurtin', little devil!" Marta shouted. Blitzø could hear her creeping closer to his hiding spot with each passing second. He pressed himself up against a tree, covering his mouth with a hand to try and silence his breath. His arm stung with pain from the bullet wound. "I promise, I can make that pain go real quick! Just come let Mama Martha put a bullet in your pretty little skull!" The skank said. Her voice had started off sickly sweet and sing-songy, but ended up dark and twisted.

          Blitzø heard Martha begin to walk away, letting out a soft sigh of relief. He was safe–for now. That was until his phone began to ring. "Damnit!" He whisper-yelled, fumbling with his phone, before finally managing to accept the call. "Stolas! This is a really bad time." He scolded, trying to keep a careful eye on his surroundings. A soft, pouty whine sounded from the other end of the phone. "When isn't it a bad time, Blitzy?" Stolas asked.

          Blitzø wanted to get this call over with as soon as possible–the noise was a threat to his survival. "What is it?!" Blitzø seethed quietly. He could hear rustling in the trees around him. "I've been meaning to follow up on our last conversation regarding my grimoire," Stolas explained, his tone now becoming more serious and less teasing. Blitzø's eyes narrowed. "What did you just call me?" He asked annoyedly.

          Stolas let out an amused chuckle. "My book, Blitzy. The one that I was given to do my job, that I allow you to use so you can do yours?" He explained in a somewhat condescending manner. A rifle clicked from behind the tree. Blitzø dashed away. Within mere moments, Martha had blasted a hole right where Blitzø's head had been. "I can hear you, darlin'!" Martha said. Her voice was unhinged and bloodthirsty. Blitzø hid away again. "Shit.." He muttered, his voice laced with hints of fear.

          "Anywho, I've been thinking. You know, I've been permitting you to access the mortal realm less than legally for some time now, but I do need it back to fulfill my duties. I was thinking, what if we work out some kind of exchange? Favors for favors." The avian prince offered. Blitzø tensed as he realized his hiding place was no longer safe. He began to bolt through the forest again as gunshots sounded behind him.

          "Doesn't that sound.. enticing~?" Stolas purred seductively. Blitzø cringed. "You gotta stop using your fancy rich-people talk, okay? I'm trying to focus on not getting fucked in my a!" He shouted, dodging a bullet. He needed to focus on survival–not this slutty bird's sexual advances.

          "Then let me keep it simple. Once a month, on the full moon, you return the book to me; followed by a night of.. passionate fornication~" Stolas practically moaned into the phone, swooning at the mere thought of it. "And you get to keep it all the rest of the time, hm? Seem fair, my little imp?" Stolas proposed. Blitzø was barely even listening. "Fine. Whatever!" He replied absentmindedly.

          Stolas seemed absolutely overjoyed by the prospect. "Oh, Blitzø! I'm so excited! I cannot wait to feel your slimy cock inside of my-" Stolas began to speak sentences so lewd that they made Blitzø want to throw up.

          Blitzø dropped his phone as he was pinned to a tree by the butt of Martha's gun. "Gotcha! So, you're a little devil, huh? Come here to drag me and my kin to hell? Well, not today, Satan!" The crazy bitch shouted, forcing her gun harder onto Blitzø's shoulder. "We're gonna send y'all back where ya came from!"

          Shortly thereafter, Blitzø and Millie were tied to a wooden stake, witch trial style. "May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!" Martha said as she poured gasoline over the imps and thrust a torch toward them. The stake erupted into flames. The fire blazed unapologetically, consuming the stake and even parts of the rope.

          However, the two imps remained completely unharmed. "Yeah, that's not exactly how it works, lady. Sorry, your fire doesn't really hurt us. But, I mean, I could fake it if that'll get your dick hard." Blitzø said amusedly. Martha blinked in confusion. "Oh. Shit." She muttered. "Well.. I'll just shoot you in your smart-ass mouth!" She grinned, suddenly pulling out her rifle and aiming it toward Blitzø.

          Blitzø's smug expression faltered for a brief moment. "That would be more effective." He replied. Millie gave Blitzø an annoyed look. "Blitzø!" She complained quietly. Martha laughed and adjusted her aim, prepared to end the two imps. They closed their eyes, prepared for the absolute worst. They tensed as they heard a gunshot ring out, but no impact ever came.

          Blitzø and Millie opened their eyes to see that Moxxie had shot Martha through the eye; killing her instantly. "Moxxie!" Millie said excitedly as she was untied by her husband. Blitzø seemed annoyed. "You're not getting your fuckin' paycheck for this one, Mox!" He shouted, clearly still upset about the screw-up that led to this mess. Splice strolled up to the screen as Ralphie was fleeing. They stayed silent, approaching their co-workers.

          "Oh. Yeah. Thanks, I'm fine." Blitzø said sarcastically as no one showed concern for him. Moxxie helped Blitzø up. "I'm sorry, sir. I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again. I promise." The small imp apologized sincerely. Blitzø suddenly pulled him into a tight hug. "Apology accepted." He said with a smile. Suddenly his expression changed. "But, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I will fuck you and your wife." He threatened quietly, before pulling away. Moxxie seemed shaken by the comment.

          "Alrighty! Job well done. Now, let's get off." Blitzø fumbled around in his jacket, before finding his burner phone. Moxxie looked troubled. "Uh, yeah.. give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house." He muttered, gesturing toward the large house. Blitzø didn't even look over. "Okay, fine, but hurry up." He replied absentmindedly, punching a number out on his phone. It rang once or twice before the person on the other side picked up. "Loona! We're ready to come home, dear."