Thorns and rosebuds

I Survived

And on a random Wednesday night, after I got home from my dads. After I read your message.
After I said my I love you's, I'll see you soon, gave my hugs, and said goodbye.
After I sat In my car and reread your message and cried.
After I sat in silence the whole 20 minute drive.
I decided tonight was the night.
It was the last night.
My last I love yous, my last hug goodbye.
I decided then I would draw on my last fake smile, say my last lie, "I'm fine".
It was the night I decided to take the handful of hard to swallow candy and listen to those sad songs.
Write my final goodbye.
As I sat in thought all I wanted was to go back in time to where I didn't meet you, way back to when there was no pain, I would go back to the days when I didn't know what real pain was.
I sat in thought and I wished there was a quicker and easier way to get out of this.
To relive this.
I sat and thought and realized I didn't want this.
Let me go back.
I survived that day.
That day of agony. Barely.
But I survived.
The water I was drowning in finally went down the drain, I came back up for air. I'm a float again.
I'm a live again.
I don't wish I never met you.
I don't wish to go back. I survived that day. I survived the drowning, I survived the hard to swallow candy pills. I survived the misery.
The heartache. I survived you. I survived it. I survived the world. I survived. I AM SURVIVING

-cj