The Player And Me (DISCONTINUED)

The Other Player

I didn't want to cry because of him. He wasn't worth my tears, but my eyesight became blurry and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

The truth is that love is often imbalanced, with one person feeling more or less from moment to moment. Our feelings toward someone are an ever-changing force. In a matter of seconds, we can feel anger, irritation or even hate for a person we love.

I told myself don't get attached.
But in my mind I play it back, how we ended up like this.

Flashback to two years ago

"Brooke, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore, I need some time," Jake said to me.

"Why?" I asked, but I never got an explanation.

"Look, just accept that I need some time okay? It has nothing to do with you."

"No, I won't. What is this all about? Am I not good enough for you?" I felt my cheeks getting wet and there was a lump in the back of my throat.

He didn't say a word and just turned around.

"You're a fucking asshole Jake, I can't believe I ever loved you. You're just like any other guy. I knew you were trouble the moment I saw you, but I still gave you a chance and this is how I get repaid. I hope karma bites you in the ass," I screamed at his back, with tears streaming down my face. I know I was overreacting, but I just wanted him to get over with it already. Why wouldn't he just breakup with me, that would hurt less.

"Shut up, just give me some time! You're so fucking clingy,"
With that he walked away.

With that our relationship burned and crashed faster than you can say goodbye.
We just stopped talking and never contacted each other again.

NO EXPLANATIONS, NO CALL, NO TEXT, NO RESPONSES, NOTHING. So I guess you couldn't technically call this a "breakup", because he never had the balls to actually break up with me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was in my room doing my homework when I heard the doorbell ring. My dad was at work, so I had no other choice than to open the door myself.

"Hello, can I help you?" I asked without looking at the person on the other side of the door.

"You still look beautiful, like always." I was in shock, there he stood, Jake.

"What the hell are you doing here," I sneered at him, after getting over my moment of shock.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I forgot the time and I'm sorry."

"Well, isn't it a bit too late for that."

"Look, I know I hurt you but don't you think it's time to move on?" He looked at me with a look of pity.

"Look mister hot-shot, I don't think you understand how badly you hurt me.
In bed, when I would see your body start to stiffen at my touch, I would pretend not to notice while laying there and wanting to disappear.
And when you would start to call me less and less, I would still fall asleep with the phone by my bed in case you decided that you loved me again and wanted to talk. I don't think you understand how pathetic you made me feel.

You weren't supposed to know the extent of how badly you hurt me. It was a secret I hid quite well. What a lie. You won. You won for months, for two years. Every day, you would win and own my feelings. And you still have no fucking clue.

It's all a game we play. You were not supposed to know how much power you had over me. You were not supposed to know how much I thought about you, how often I thought about what you were doing, how often you reduced me to tears. If you did know, it would make me tragic and clingy, which was too much for my pride to bear.

I wanted to tell you so many times. I wanted to tell you how insane you made me feel, how much you had taken over my life but I just couldn't. I had to be the only one who knew. I couldn't bring myself to give you insight into my crazy thoughts because I still wanted you to think of me as cute, nice, and normal-the girl you initially fell in love with."

"I didn't kn-"

"I'm not done yet. If you understood the depths of my devastation, your perception of me might've changed for the worse. Well, screw that. You need to know just how badly you broke my heart. I don't feel like sparing your feelings anymore and preserving this false image of myself. You're never coming back, I'm not letting you back into my life, so why don't I just let it all hang out? YOUR REJECTION MADE ME TEMPORARILY GO INSANE. There. I said it. You did that to me. Not attractive, right? I don't care. If I had told you this sooner, maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time mourning our relationship. Maybe if I had told you how hurt I was, I would finally start feeling okay again. Maybe.

I'm so tired of not being honest about my feelings. It just made everything so much worse. So here you go, here's my confession. You made someone go insane with grief and that someone was me. You broke my heart."

I looked him straight in the eye, "So go ahead and tell everybody how obsessive and crazy I am, but guess what. I don't give a flying fuck about what you say or think about me, I don't care what anybody says about me anymore. Since yesterday I finally moved on, so maybe now it's time for you to do the same."
And with that I slammed the door in his face and I felt this huge weight lifting off of my shoulders.
I felt free.