An Accidental Murder

Chapter 4: The News

  It was late when I finally made it home and for once I was thankful that my parents were out of town.  My entire life I had hated the fact that my parents were always on business trips overseas, but that night I was pleased to come home to the silence and emptiness.  There was no way that I could have hidden the fear and distress I felt from their probing eyes - or their noses. I was a disgusting, disheveled mess, soaked to the core with rain and covered with vomit. I stripped down to my underwear at the door so I wouldn't track anything through our meticulously clean house and made my way up to my bedroom where I collapsed onto my bed in tears.

     I didn't know how I was going to survive this, how I'd pretend that everything was fine and go about my life like nothing ever happened.  I hit a man.  I killed a man.  It was an accident.  The entire thing was an accident, a very bad accident that could have ended differently.  We should have called the police.  Why would I risk losing everything if I'd have told the truth?  Surely the world would have understood that I wasn't an evil person, but a young girl who made a mistake.  Besides that, local news rarely ever reached across the country, especially not news about most car accidents. Maybe Ryan was wrong about everything. Maybe I should call...

     I picked up the phone and dialed 9-1, but couldn't will myself to press the last 1.  What if Ryan was right?  Did I really want to lose all of this? I glanced around my room at the pale purple walls covered with posters and awards, the trophys that sat on my white dressers and ribbons that hung from my white shelves. The photos of myself, a careless young person, laughing with friends that sat on my nightstands and in frames on the wall.  Oh and what about our yearly family trips to Hawaii, Costa Rica, and Europe?  If I was in jail, I'd miss all of that.  What would my family and friends say once they found out that I'd killed someone?  No one would want to be seen with me.  I'd be an outcast, like Shawna Miller who sat at a table all by herself everyday during lunch, with no friends and no one to talk to and she hadn't even killed anyone.

     Ryan was right.  The risks of telling, weren't worth the sacrifices.  I told myself that over and over until eventually my eyes grew heavy and I could no longer stay awake.

     I was awakened from a dreamless slumber by the agonizing sound of my alarm.  5:30 am sure came early, I thought as I rolled myself off the bed and onto the floor. I stank. Staring up at the ceiling the memories of everything that had happened only six hours ago came flooding back into my mind. I tried to close my eyes to take away the images that were flashing in and out, but nothing helped. Instead, I turned on the morning news to keep the silence in the house from engulfing me into its hell and decided it was best to shower before heading off to school.

      The shower, though much warmer, only reminded me of standing in the rain last night, sending chills through my body. I tried to relax and let the water soothe me as it hit me on my face and body but instead it only made me think of the guy that I'd hit and his body laying on the cold hard ground as the rain came down.  I finished my shower.

     I stood at the sink, staring into the mirror, but couldn't see passed the steamed covered glass. I let out a forced chuckle as I thought about how symbolic the steam covered mirror was to my life right now...standing in the fog, lost, unable to see clearly.  I wiped the mirror and stared at myself as if I thought somehow I was supposed to look differently or that I'd be marked by some sign of my guilt, but I looked the same as always.  

     As I brushed my tangled brown locks, I began to feel like maybe things might be okay. I danced around the bathroom as I prettied myself up with makeup and lotions, then pranced into my bedroom to look in my walk-in closet to find something to wear, pausing every now and then to see if I could hear the weather report.  What I eventually heard instead sent my heart into a flutter.

     "Police are investigating the disappearance of a 24 year old man, Michael Cates, who went missing last night shortly after texting his fiance that he was on the way home.  According to police, Cates and his fiance Melanie Lasch were expecting a baby and she had texted him that she had gone into labor, but Cates never made it home.  Family and friends say that Cates was very excited about the arrival of his first child and his sudden disappearance has everyone distraught.  Police are asking that anyone who may have seen Cates or spotted his vehicle, a blue Honda Civic similar to the one pictured, please contact them immediately.  That's it for our local news this morning and now over to Cameron for an update in today's weather..."

     I tore out of the closet just as the report finished up and frantically threw the pillows and blanket off my bed looking for the remote so I could rewind the news.  I had to see if Michael Cates was the man from last night.