An Accidental Murder

Part 37

I was awakened by the glaring light of the morning sun. I usually loved the sun, but for me at that moment, it was very unwelcome.   I squinted my eyes and turned my head away from its blinding light, but my efforts to go back to sleep were already far gone.  

Today was the day, and no matter what I tried to think about, my mind kept pulling me back to the wretched reality of my current situation. I knew that it was time to say goodbye. 

I looked at the clock on my nightstand and noticed that it was 8:08.  This annoyed me, because not only was I going to be late for school, my parents hadn't bothered to wake me up. I stood up, stretching and looked around my room.  I listened for my parents, but didn't hear anything, so I sauntered downstairs to see what my mom had made for breakfast.  I rolled my eyes, disappointed to find the kitchen completely clean and empty with no trace of a meal for me.  What the heck was that about? After calling out for my parents and getting no response, I glanced into the garage to find their cars both gone. Go figure...I sighed to myself, opening the refrigerator and taking out a plain vanilla yogurt.  I opened it up and took a bite of it, only to change my mind.  Setting the container on the counter, I instead reached for a strawberry shortcake ice cream bar - screw the diet and healthy eating, I thought.  Satisfied with my choice, I half walked, half skipped up to my room where I tossed myself onto my bed and finished eating my treat slowly so I could savor every last bite.

Afterward, I decided to take a bath, instead of rushing through a shower, because I knew this would be the last time I'd be able to enjoy the warmth of the water and the smell of my lavender bath oil, bubbles up to my chin. As I lay in the tub, I began thinking about everything that had to be done before...before I...ugh, I couldn't even make myself think the words anymore.  Was I really ready to go through with this? Could I handle the finality of it all?  What will every one say?  What will people think about me? Oh my gosh, my parents' lives will probably be destroyed.  They'll have to sell their home and hide from everyone. I don't know if I can do that to them. I have to do it though...don't I?  Who would even care when I'm gone? Will anyone miss me? Will my name be erased from the school hall of fame? I sunk further and further into the water until my entire body was beneath it and I had to hold my breath.  I closed my eyes and imagined this being the end, my body floating away, free from everything.

And then I felt it...the hands around my throat, the crushing pressure, I couldn't breathe! My eyes flew open and I could make out the muscular shape of a guy leaning over me.  I tried screaming and swallowed water.  Ryan wouldn't let go of my neck, but I was choking on the water and needed to breathe! 

Finally, I felt myself being lifted above the water and I came up sputtering and coughing as I tried to catch my breath.

"What the actual Fuck, Amber?" He yelled.

"Why were you holding me under the water?" I asked between gulps of air.

"I wasn't.  In case you hadn't noticed, I lifted you out of the water," he replied somewhat curtly.  

"You had your hands around my neck!"

"You are a crazy bitch," he replied. "If I wanted you dead, I know that I could make that happen."

"Oh, okay, and I'm the one who's crazy?

"Were you trying to drown yourself?"

"No, genius. I was trying to enjoy a freaking bath! Thank you for ruining it for me, like everything else." I realized then that I was naked in the bathtub. "Get out, you pervert!" I shouted at him, trying to cover myself.

He stood towering above me, arms crossed, looking down at me. "I've seen you naked before, Amber, more times than I can count."

"Get the fuck out, Ryan! Now!" I yelled.

"I'll get out when you get out of the water and I know you're not trying to kill yourself."

I scowled, "You are such an unbelievable control freak! Turn around then!" He didn't turn around, but sat on the toilet seat instead, leaning against the tank, arms still crossed. I snatched a towel off the sink and wrapped it around myself as I stood up.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"You're late for school. I texted, I called, I beeped and I get no response from you."

"And? What, are you going to force me to go to school?"

"So, you were planning to stay home?"

"Maybe," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"We talked about this, Amber..."

"No, we didn't. You talked about it. You talk about everything, because you think you control everything," I continued as I dried myself off.

"I'm controlling this stupid ass situation you got us caught up in. I'm controlling the damage you are trying to do to my life and yours. So yeah.."

"Well, you don't control me," I told him as I shot an icy glare his way.

He smiled, "You're so damn cute when you try to act hard."

"I'm not playing games with you, Ryan. I'm serious! I'm done with this."

His eyebrows raised and a look of amusement settled in across his face. He stood up and walked over to me, grabbing my waist and pulling me in close. Nuzzling his face into my hair and neck, he whispered, "You're not done, babe, we're just getting started," and started kissing me on my neck before a angrily shoved him away.

"For fuck sake, stop it!" I stormed out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, my eyes welling with tears.

Ryan followed, stopping to lean against the door frame. He watched as I lotioned my legs and arms and then stepped forward a little.

"Hey, I have an idea," he began walking over and pulling me, reluctantly, into his arms.

"Hmm, sorry, Ryan, I'm not really interested in whatever idea you're going to tell me about that's going to help propel my life even further into this--"

"Shh, shh, shh," he told me, planting a kiss on my lips as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"No!" I angrily exclaimed, "enough with the bullshit, okay? I can't do this anymore! I won't! Now let me go!"

"Geez, what the hell is your problem now, Amber?"

"I want you to leave," I stated harshly. "Go to school and leave me where I want to be. You're not my freaking dad, you don't get to tell me what to do. Hell, he doesn't even get to tell me what to do anymore. I'm going to spend some time by myself thinking about my life choices including why I'm still with you!" With that, I stood at the door to my room, gesturing for him to leave.

It was clear that he was taken aback by my reaction. I could see his cheeks redden, though I wasn't sure if he was angry or embarrassed. Our eyes locked for a moment and I could see that he was searching my face, confused at this turn of events. For once, I hadn't caved under his spell and he was beginning to realize he was losing.

He picked up his jacket and glared at me with cold, steely eyes.

"I wish you would have drowned in that tub just now," he said and pushed past me as he left my room.

It took everything in me not to run after him, not to try to fix things, not to yell at him for saying something so mean, but instead I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the door frame. I knew that it was time.