An Accidental Murder

Chapter 38

I slid into my favorite pale blue skinny jeans, the ones with lots of holes in the legs, and threw on a gray off the shoulder shirt and some strappy white sandals. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror as I carefully brushed through the damp waves in my hair and meticulously applied my makeup.   Today, was the day.  

I made up my bed, folded the freshly washed laundry my mom had left in a basket at the foot of my bed, put away the makeup in my bathroom, and grabbed the keys to my Range Rover. I slowly sauntered down the stairs, running my hand along the banister as I went. Before opening the front door, I turned and faced the foyer, brightly lit with a low hanging crystal chandelier, the white cabinets and dark granite counter tops  and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, the living room, with the fireless fire place mouth agape. I stood for a while,  taking in all of it, and realizing that I truly did have it all - my house was stunning. 

I sighed before taking a deep breath and pulling open the front door, feeling the cold gust of wind that came rushing in.  Dark clouds loomed in the sky and the air smelled like rain. For a moment I couldn't move, standing there just inside the door, watching as the wind blew leaves off trees and bent them at its will. It was going to be a pretty nasty storm...perfect day to end it all, I thought as I stepped outside.  Just then, as I began walking to my car, the sky opened up and cried large drops of rain all around me.

It was almost like the earth could feel my pain.  

I slid into the driver's seat and started the engine, but I wasn't ready to leave just yet. I pulled my cell phone out of my  pocket and called Ryan.  It rang, but he didn't answer and the phone went to voicemail. "Hey, this is Ryan. Leave a message.  I'll call you back if I feel like it, and if I don't then I didn't feel like it.  See ya."

"Ryan...it's me, Amber. I was going to call and apologize, but I realized that I don't owe you an apology.  I don't owe you anything. I just think it's fair to let you know that it's game over.  I'm not playing anymore, I'm not stressing anymore, I'm not doing any of this anymore. I just thought I should let you know...

Ryan, we messed up, we messed up bad and I can't live with that for the rest of my life.  I can't live with you for the rest of my life.  And that sucks....because I really did love you, Ryan. I still do...By the time you get this message, I'll already be gone.  You won't be able to stop me - please don't try."

I ended the call, set my phone on the passenger seat in my car and turned the key in the ignition.  The rain was blinding on my windshield, even with the wipers at full speed, but I backed my Range Rover out of the driveway and began the twenty minute drive to the police station.  I could feel my heart pounding uncontrollably in my chest.  I had to take deep breaths to control my nerves and keep from hyperventilating. 

My phone rang, so I glanced down at it to see who it was and saw Ryan's image on the screen.   Don't answer it, Amber, I told myself.  Don't do it...I knew that if I did, he would win.  I would second guess myself, or change my mind, or he'd threaten me with some stupidness that would make me feel as if I didn't know what I was doing.

I turned up the volume on the radio in the car so I could drown out the ringing. Intro by XXX started playing  just as I entered the on ramp to the highway.  What a perfect song, no words, just a feeling.  I immersed myself in it, letting the music engulf my body and mind until I wasn't thinking about anything at all.  

Cars zoomed by me, lights glaring into my eyes, blurred even more by the rain.  I stepped on the gas, accelerating just passed 85 mph, flying passed car after car.  As the exit approached, I slowed down and stop at the stop sign.  My phone lit up again in the passenger seat. Turning left, I crept up to the intersection just before a long bridge and read the sign warning drivers that the bridge was slippery when wet. My phone pinged, alerting me that  Ryan had left a voice message.  I stopped just short of crossing the bridge, looked to see that no one was behind me, put my suv in reverse and then, I floored it.

My tires spun wildly at first, trying desperately to hold on to the pavement.  Pedal to the floor, I cruised across the bridge until suddenly, a tall, dark figure of a man appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the road. I slammed on the breaks, tires squealing, my car drifting angrily to the side.  I turned the wheel, but over-corrected and lost control, breaking sideways through the barrier on the bridge and hurtling into the icy cold, black water below. 

The loud creaking sound of the metal and glass echoed in my ears as the water began pouring in. It was cold and my head was pounding, my chest ached and I couldn't catch my breath, but the pressure on the outside of my Range Rover made it impossible to open the door and the water was quickly rising up to my waist. I knew I didn't have much time.  I could feel blood running down my forehead and taste it in my mouth. Frantic, I tried to unfasten my seat belt, but I couldn't get it unbuckled, the water crept faster up to my chest and the coldness became unbearable.  I began shivering uncontrollably and panic set in, I needed out of this fucking seatbelt.  From the corner of my eye I saw my phone light up and was hopeful that I could answer it and ask for help, but I couldn't slide it open under water and I started sobbing. 

I was going to die like this. This is how everything was going to end for me? Please God, help me! I yelled, screaming through tears. "Help me!!!" By now the water was up to my chin and every time I shivered, a little water would get into my mouth.  I couldn't believe this was how I was going to die...drowned like this in the bottom of the river. But there was nothing I could do, and as the water filled up above my head a weird calm came over me and I felt nothing anymore. It was dark and that was all.