An Accidental Murder

Chapter 35

"Dad -"I started, meekly.

"Amber, don't. Just don't talk," he told me harshly.

I sighed and lowered my head pathetically. Things were going to be bad when I got home, I could feel it.  

In my pocket, I could feel my cell phone vibrating, but I didn't want to check it because I was worried my father might take it away.  I knew I'd be sentenced to life in my room, but it wouldn't be nearly as bad if I had my phone. It vibrated again. I wondered who it was.  I never got a chance to check though because at the next stoplight, he held out his hand and ordered me to hand it over, much to my dismay.

"When we get home, you're going to go straight to your room and think about some things and you don't need any distractions while you do that," he told me.

Tears instantly swelled in my eyes.  "Really, dad?! You're going to take my phone and treat me like I'm some kind of a baby? I barely did anything wrong!  This is so stupid!"

"You were hitting your boyfriend in front of half the school"

"So?  Ryan and I fight all the time dad, it's not the end of the world.  It also isn't a reason to suspend someone, Ms. Yang just wants to make a point."

"You kicked his car and damaged it, Amber."

"Yeah and he'll get it fixed. He'll be fine, it's not like he can't afford it."

"We're paying for it, Amber.  And then you're going to work or forfeit your allowance to pay your mother and me back."

My face felt warm with anger. "Like hell! Ryan got what he deserved and I am absolutely not paying for his car to get fixed."

"Young lady, you are never to take that tone with me or speak to me using that type of language again. Do you understand?"

"You're being unreasonable, dad."

"Do you understand, Amber?"

"Ugh!  Yes, I freaking get it!"

"Furthermore, you swore at the principal."

"I did not," I began before remembering what I'd said. "Okay, I might have, but it was an accident.  I slipped."

"You seem to have a lot of accidents lately."

I glanced at him sideways, wondering what exactly he meant, but not having the strength to ask or the desire to continue the argument.  I wasn't going to win.

We pulled into the driveway and I exited the car before it'd come to a complete stop.  I huffed my way up to the door where my mother stood waiting for us and pushed past her as I made my way to my bedroom.  

I sat down at my desk and made a sign on a piece of notebook paper: STAY OUT! I'm thinking about some things! I opened my door, stuck the paper on it with a piece of scotch tape and slammed the door closed again. 

I flopped face down on my bed and closed my eyes.  I wasn't sure how long I'd been sleeping when my mother opened the door and told me it was time for dinner.

"I'm not hungry," I snapped at her.  "And in case you missed it, there's a sign on my door saying "stay out", you should read it and follow it, so get out."

I covered my head with the pillow hoping to hear the door close, but instead I felt the weight on my bed as she sat down and placed her hand on my back.

"Amber, I'm not sure what's going on with you lately, but this kind of behavior is so not like you.  I wish you would tell us what's going on; we could help you."

I uncovered my face and glared at my mother. "You have no idea what I'm going through.  Please just get out."

"I know that I don't know what you're going through, baby, but I want to.  You don't have to go through whatever it is alone," she continued, beginning to cry.

"Oh stop it with the tears mom.  I'm almost 18, I'm not a baby anymore.  I don't need you to save me or anything else.  I'm perfectly fine.  Please get out of my room."

"Well, dinner is ready," she started, rubbing my head like I was some little girl. "Please come down and join your father and me.  Please talk to us." 

She stood up and kissed my forehead before walking out and quietly closing the door behind herself.

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling.  I was hungry, but I wasn't about to go downstairs and suffer through more interrogation and my mothers crying.  I'd rather starve than put up with that. Instead, I thought long and hard about a few things.  Darkness settled in and my mind continued its racing. Before too long my eyes began feeling heavy I had exhausted every thought imaginable.  One thing I knew for sure by the time I'd stopped thinking to go to the restroom was that I was in fact going to turn myself in.  But before I did that, there were a few things I'd have to take care of.  

When I returned to my bedroom, I sat at my desk to formulate my plan.  I was startled by something hitting my window.  I waited to see if it would happened again and jumped when I saw the rock hit right in front of my face.  I moved my curtains back and lifted up my window looking down below.  It was Ryan.  

"What are you doing here?" I shouted in a whisper.

"Are your parents asleep?" He asked. "Can I come up?"

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand.  The bright green numbers illuminated the darkness showing 11:35pm. I held up my finger to instruct him to wait and quietly walked over to my bedroom door, opening it.  The house was completely dark.  I tiptoed out onto the landing.  My parent's bedroom door was slightly open and I could hear the television.  I peaked in through the door and could see that they were both in bed so I sauntered downstairs and opened the front door.  

"Ryan!" I whispered again loudly. "Ryan! Come on, hurry up!"

I heard some rustling before he came from around the corner and I motioned for him to come inside.

"I'm not sure if my parents are asleep yet, so be quiet." I took his hand and we crept up the stairs into my room. 

Ryan flopped onto my bed and stared at me with a concerned look on his face.  "What's going on?  I've been trying to call you all afternoon and evening."

"My parents took my cell phone away," I told him.

"So it's true?  You did get suspended?"

"You didn't?" I asked, surprised and a little irritated.

"No, I didn't," he told me.

"That is so unfair! Why not?!"

He shrugged, "I didn't do anything."

"You smacked me!"

"Amber, you're arguing with the wrong person.  I don't make decisions about who gets suspended and who doesn't.  Either way, my smacking you is nothing compared to the epic tantrum you threw.  Everyone saw that.  Everyone sees everything you do because you don't know how to control yourself."

I glared hard at Ryan before I spoke.  "We need to talk.  Seriously."

He rolled his eyes at my words and sighed, "what about now?"

"This needs to come to an end."

"What does?"

"Everything.  I'm becoming a person that I don't even know anymore, and I'm not proud of that.  I don't want this to be the me that people remember."

"What the fuck are you saying, Amber?"

"I'm saying that I can't keep going on holding on to this guilt anymore."

"What guilt? What are you talking about?"

"You really have completely detached yourself from it all haven't you? You don't ever think about what we did. You don't ever think about him."

Ryan stood up abruptly as if stung by a bee. "I'm done Amber.  I'll see you tomorrow." He walked out of my room and a few moments later I heard the click of the door as he closed it behind himself.