An Accidental Murder

Chapter 32

"Ugh!!" I yelled, picking up my pillow and throwing it across the room, knocking frames and trophies off my dresser and sending them falling to the floor. I sat on my bed in a huff, breathing heavy and feeling the anxiety building inside like a volcano about to erupt.

Suddenly, my phone started vibrating next to my bed. It was Ryan.

Babe, what are you doing? I've been sitting out here for ten minutes. You coming to school today? He texted.

I glared at my phone, irritated. Yes, I'll be right out. I texted back.

I snatched my coat and backpack off my bed and ran down the stairs, shoving passed my father as he was headed up.

Ryan's silver Audi sat in the driveway, a welcome escape from my life at home that was spiraling out of control. I breathed a sigh of relief as I slid into the passenger seat and instantly began bawling.

"What's wrong, Amber? What happened?" He asked me, genuinely concerned, as he pulled out of the driveway.

"Ryan, I just can't...." I started to say, but I couldn't stop sobbing enough to talk anymore.

I could sense Ryan's demeanor starting to change and through the corner of my eye I saw his jaw clench and his shoulders square up.

"Amber, what happened?" He asked me begrudgingly.

"My parents aren't leaving, Ryan. They cancelled their trip and they're staying home."

We came to a red light and Ryan stopped the car. He glanced over at me with a bewildered look on his face. "Since when do you NOT want your parents to stay home? " He asked.

"I don't know, Ryan...maybe since we killed a guy!"

He let out a heavy sigh. "Again? We're doing this again? Damn it! This is just never going to end with you is it? Everytime I think you're turning the corner, you drop another bomb.

"I'm sorry! But you said you'd be there with me as much as possible so that I wouldn't have to fight this by myself, but you weren't there this morning, and you don't know what happened!"

"No, I wasn't, and no, I don't. You're absolutely right. I can't move in with you! You mean you didn't have enough control to hold it together for a couple hours? What the hell, Amber? And what did you do to your face?!"

Of course he'd notice my face, I thought. "This isn't about my face, Ryan. How am I going to deal with my parents being home? How can I keep lying to their faces?"

"For starters, how about staying calm and not freaking out over every little sneeze. You aren't obligated to sit at home with your parents all day, everyday, you know. You can go hang out with Jessica, Cassie, or anyone else. You act so freaking helpless all the time, Amber."

His words were a smack in the face. What a callous, heartless person he was proving to be. Everything he said, everything he did was pushing me that much closer to the brink.  I wanted to end it all at that very moment.

"You could try to be a little less of a prick, Ryan."

"What do you want me to say, Amber? You're just making excuses to act helpless and it's starting to get old. Sorry, but the truth hurts."

"You want to know what hurts more? Me turning you in to the police right along with me. Let's see how painful that is."

He calmly parked his Audi and opened the door. "You really shouldn't make threats you can't follow through on, Amber. We both know you don't have the guts to say anything. I'm not scared of you." He coolly got out of the car and walked away, again leaving me behind.

I sat in the car for a good twenty minutes without moving. Something had to change. I was losing my mind and losing Ryan too. If I wanted to keep Ryan, I had to get control of my thoughts, but if I wanted to keep my sanity, I had to get rid of Ryan and the guilt that came with him. The only option outside of those, was to take my life, the latter of which meant no one would have to know what I'd done and my parents could go on thinking that I was their little angel and Ryan could go on to live his glorious life.

I checked my face in the mirror, put on my fake smile, touched up my lip gloss and decided it was time for me to do something.

I walked in planning to evade the girl squad, but was surprised to see that Cassie, Jessica, and Hails were not waiting for me like they usually were. I shrugged it off, but the subtle diss lingered with me into first and second hour. 

Hey, Cassie. What happened to you guys this morning? I texted, trying not to get annoyed, but growing increasingly so as the time passed and there was no response.

Jessica, is something wrong with Cassie? I didn't see her this morning and she's not answering my text." I messaged. Jessica didn't respond either and by the end of fifth hour, I was starting to get ticked off. Something was definitely up. We always met for lunch, but I was beginning to feel like they didn't want to meet me for lunch.

When the bell rang, I made my way to the girls' room and walked into the far stall just as I heard Jessica's voice.

"Amber has been texting me all morning. I don't think she's getting the hint," Cassie started.

"Me too!" Jessica responded. "I'm totally not asking her to go to lunch with us. She's damaging our reputation and making us all look bad."

"For real! I'm not really sure how to tell her, like, hey, I don't really want to hang out with you anymore."

"She'll probably freak out if you tell her that!" Jessica said, laughing.

"Well you hear what everyone's been saying about her. She's not cool anymore. She's just being weird."

There was a pause in the conversation, then Hails asked, "Do you think she's doing drugs, Jessica?"

I stood in the stall, my mouth agape. They couldn't be serious.

"I don't know, really." Jessica began, "But she's definitely going through some things. Whatever it is, I'm not getting involved."

Just that quickly, they left the restroom leaving me disgraced, still hiding in the stall.