An Accidental Murder

Chapter 29

"Mom, I really don't need you to miss this investment meeting. That would make me feel terrible. I'm not a baby and you don't have to hang around to make sure I'm okay. I shouldn't have acted the way that I did, but it doesn't mean I'm incapable of taking care of myself..."

"Oh, baby girl..."she sighed, touching my cheek. "You are my pride and joy. The best thing that ever happened to me, even beyond marrying your dad."

I smiled at her. I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I love you mom," I said. "I promise I'll be okay, just trust me. You raised a good girl."

She smiled back, but didn't answer and I walked off to find Ryan and my dad before I said too much.

Sleep evaded me that night. I had nightmares about Michael, nightmares about death and images of broken body parts flying through the air. Even after waking, I couldn't shake the gruesome visuals that slaughtered my peace and invaded my mind. After a while, I decided it'd be better to just get myself up and start my day because sleep wasn't going to happen for me - not this night.

I rolled over and glanced at the clock. Through the blurriness in my tired eyes I could barely make out the time - 3:35am. I moaned loudly and rolled over onto my belly putting a pillow over my head, though the effort was futile. I eventually mustered up the energy to get myself out of bed and hoped a shower would wake me up.

It didn't.

Showering reminded me of rain, which reminded me of Michael, which brought back the images of gory limbs and before even a few minutes had passed, the warm water that cascaded down my body started to feel thick and heavy like blood. I floundered about in the shower trying to get it off of me, but to no avail and I narrowly escaped the assault without killing myself, which was actually beginning to sound like a good idea.

I stumbled clumsily out of the shower, tangling myself in the curtain and falling face first onto the cold tile floor. I could taste the coppery blood filling my mouth and feel it running down my nose.

"Damn it!" I whispered loudly, stunned, still laying there on the floor staring up at the ceiling. I can't do this anymore...I thought to myself. I can't live this life for however long it takes for the guilt to go away and for things to be normal again. I'm becoming someone I don't even know anymore. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without seeing the pain radiating from me like a beacon of lies. The well done make-up might be able to hide the truth from the world, but it did nothing to hide the truth from me. Everytime I saw my reflection, I saw death.

A loud knock on the door brought me back to reality, "Amber? You okay in there? What are you doing?" It was my dad.

I sat up on the floor and grabbed some tissue. "yeah, dad, I'm fine. I slipped and fell, but I'm fine." I told him.

"Were you showering? What are you doing up so early, it's four in the morning?"

Crap! I thought to myself. I couldn't possibly tell him the real reason I was up because then they would surely think I was crazy. "Oh, I was just wanting to get an early start to the day. I have a lot to do."

"Well for Pete's sake girl, be careful and quiet down!"

"Sorry, dad."

"I'm going back to bed. See you in a couple hours."  

I breathed a sigh of relief and picked myself up off the floor. My face ached so much! A quick glance in the mirror showed a swollen lip, bloody nose, and scraped, red eye. It was definitely going to bruise and Now I'd have to walk around with a black eye. I didn't know how my life could possibly get any worse.

At breakfast that morning, when my parents finally came down, I spent half the time hiding the left side of my face so that they wouldn't notice it. I put on my phony smile and poured them both a cup of coffee made just the way they liked it - my dad liked his black and my mom preferred her's with two scoops of sugar and a tablespoon of french vanilla creamer.

I was trying hard to keep a cool facade so there'd be absolutely no reason for my parents to think about staying home. Unfortunately, my anxiety got the best of me and I couldn't resist asking.

"So...mom...did you change your mind? Are you guys leaving today?"

My mom looked at me as if I'd asked the stupidest question ever. "No, Amber. I'm not going, I already said that. Thank you for the coffee, now please finish getting ready for school. I don't want you to be late."

I stood in front of my mom feeling as if she'd just punched me in the gut. "I hate you." The words came out of my mouth before I even knew it. "Gosh, you guys treat me like I'm a freaking baby and I'm not! I don't need you to stay here with me! I don't WANT you to stay here with me!"

"Amber --" my dad warned.

"No, Dad! Don't "Amber" me. You guys are ruining my life for no reason at all. You just want to sit around here and watch me because you have nothing better to do and you don't trust that I'm big enough to take care of myself. I hate you both! "

"Go to your room!" My father said sternly.

"My pleasure!" I shouted back and stalked off to my room making sure to slam the door behind me.