An Accidental Murder

Chapter 27

Joy - that was my initial reaction. I had such a feeling of relief at seeing my car again, like part of the deception was finally over and I had one less thing to worry I'd get caught lying about. I absolutely loved that car!

Ryan opened the door for me and gestured for me to get in, which I happily did, but as soon as I sat in the seat and turned the key in the ignition, an overwhelming feeling of despair came over me and I had to get out.

I didn't want to leave my car, but my mind was racing and I couldn't subdue the anxiety I felt. An overpowering sense of doom came over me like a dark, heavy cloud covering the sun. I bolted from the car immediately and fell to the ground in tears.

"Amber, what? What's wrong?" Ryan asked.

I was embarrassed and didn't want to tell Ryan why I was crying. I knew that if I said what I was feeling it would ruin everything and we were in such a good place after everything that had happened.

"I'm okay," I lied. "It's just overwhelming, you know? I'm glad to have my car back. Please tell your brother thank you for me."

"I will."

"He did a really great job. It looks like nothing ever happened. I owe him so much. Can you ask him what it costs? I should pay him something."

"It's already taken care of babe. I paid for it."

"Then I should pay you something," I said.

"Amber, I'm not going to take your money, so no. I can't help you with how you're feeling that much, but I can pay for your car. I know this will be one less thing for you to stress over. I just want to make you happy."

I smiled. "You do make me happy. Thank you so much, Ryan."

"So, we should probably get you home to your parents, huh?"

"Yeah," I replied, crinkling up my nose in disgust. No matter how relieved I was about having my car back, I was never going to be prepared to face my parents after how I'd behaved.

"Then we should go," He said gently, kissing my forehead.

"Can you drive?" I asked him, trying not to sound pathetic or show how afraid I was.

"It's your first day getting your car back and you don't want to drive it?"

"I have my whole life to drive it," I told him.

"You're scared," Ryan stated.

"Yes," I confessed.

"Don't be. You know how to drive, Amber. You hitting that guy wasn't about you not being able to drive, it was about us not being responsible and paying attention."

"I know...but can you please, just for today?"

Ryan caved in and we got in the car. I was appreciative of the fact that he hadn't made too much of a fuss about my not driving, and thankful that I had someone in my life who was so much stronger than I. It was truly amazing how he never faltered and was always one step ahead no matter what the situation. I wished so badly that I could be strong like him and that I wouldn't always feel this guilt and pain that I felt.

Taking a life was a big deal. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that I would do something that would harm someone so seriously, let alone kill them. Was I really weak or was it normal for someone to struggle with all of this? Ryan made it all seem so simple.

I looked over at him, with his eyes steady and focused on the road. He probably wasn't even thinking about any of this. He was always as calm as could be, able to maintain his composure no matter what the circumstances. I loved him, but I envied him and loathed him all at the same time.

And such was my state of mind when we pulled into the driveway to my house and he caught me staring at him.

"Why are you looking at me like you want to rip my face off or something?" He asked.

I jerked back into reality at the sound of his voice. "What?"

"I said, why are you looking at me like that? You look like you want to attack me or something."

"NO! No," I stammered. "I don't want to kill you. I was just thinking...I wasn't really looking at you, more like looking through you, kind of. Yeah..."

He looked down at the steering wheel and pursed his lips like there was more he wanted to say, but for some reason he didn't say anything.

I opened my door and got out and he followed me closely as we made our way up the path to the front door.