An Accidental Murder

Chapter 16

I had no idea how I was going to get into the room where Michael Cates was.  I mean, certainly he'd have lots of family around and being that he was in critical condition I couldn't imagine the doctors would even allow for visitors. 

I had thoughts of buying some scrubs from Walmart and pretending to be a nurse or something, but thought against adding impersonation to my list of wrong doings. A dozen other ideas crossed my mind as well, but nothing seemed very plausible except for the flower idea...

So, I picked up a bunch of flowers.  At the very least, I'd pretend to be delivering them or something.

I took the elevator up to the 6th floor and made my way to the front desk where a young woman greeted me.

"Good afternoon, how can I help you?" She asked.

I glanced around nervously, my mouth suddenly feeling dry as if it'd been stuffed with cotton. "I um. I'm here to see someone," I managed to stutter. 

"Alright," She smiled, patiently. "Who are you here to see hun?"

"Actually, I um... I was going to...I'm supposed to... deliver these flowers," I told her, "to my cousin, Micheal.

The look on the girls face changed to a solemn expression and she turned away. "I'm so sorry," she sighed in a grief stricken way, turning back to face me. "It's so sad what happened to him, after everything he went through. Everyone was really hoping he'd pull through."

I stared at the girl, dumbfounded. "I'm sorry?"

"Here, come on through the doors," she said pressing a button. "Your family is inside right now with the priest."

"The priest?" I asked, still standing at the desk. The girl pushed the button and opened the door again.

"Yes, they're praying over him before they take him off support.  You'll probably want to get back there before he's gone..."

I stood starring at the girl, unable to move or speak. I had a million thoughts and questions running through my mind coupled with feelings of grief, anxiety, and something else I couldn't express...relief, maybe.

I felt my hands begin to tremble and my legs felt as if they would collapse beneath me any second.   I don't know what I was thinking or what I expected going to the hospital, but I felt a tremendous pang of guilt and I knew I had to get out of there.

He wasn't supposed to die! He wasn't supposed to die!

I felt the warmth of a tear running down my cheek and the vase of flowers slid rhrough the weakened fingers of my hand.

"I'm sorry," I told the nurse, "I just can't do this...please don't tell them I was here." I turned on my heel and began to hurriedly walk away, but stopped and turned back, "I'm sorry for the mess," and that was that. 

I ran down all six flights of stairs and from the hospital as far as I could before I could barely breathe and had to stop for air.  I was a horrible human being, I had no soul, no conscience, I told myself as I leaned against a big oak. What was I thinking? I thanked God that Michael's family hadn't seen me and suddenly realized the danger I'd put myself in.  Gosh...didn't they have cameras?  I'd seen enough crime shows on television to know that the police can look up all kinds of things and are probably monitoring to see if his killer shows up - and I played right into their trap. 

What an idiot I was! Two times in just as many days, I'd almost sealed my fate.  I was beginning to feel like I was better off never leaving my house again.  I was beginning to feel like I was better off just as dead as Michael Cates.

Collapsing into the thick brush beneath the oak tree, I continued to struggle catching my breath.  I closed my eyes and imagined myself as a little girl, running through the woods, my hair in ribboned pigtails bouncing, my shrill shrieks of laughter as my father chased behind me - me in my purple lacy dress and satin white shoes waiting for him to snatch me up,  throw me into the air and catch me with his big, strong arms. 

My lips curled up into a smile as I thought about my father and I could feel the warmth of his arms around me just as I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face.  But before long, that warmth began to feel uncomfortably hot, and in my vision I saw my fathers face contort into a menacing evil creature with a red face and bloody fangs.  His body was hot, like fire and he laughed when he caught me and my body burst into flames.  I was dying! I was burning!

My eyes flew open in an instant and my chest heaved. I think I knew in that moment that I was going to hell.  I thought about what that would be like for me.