You're My Only One! || KNJ - AU || ✓

Chapter Thirty-seven

- 𝐘/𝐍 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒' 𝐏𝐎𝐕 -
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A month has gone by since I found out that my father, my hero, my Paa was alive all this while. A month since I found out that Bang PD Nim, the man I gave the place of a father in my life, has lied to me and pretended that my father indeed was dead.

And a whole fucking month since I learnt that the man who matters more than the world to me, has hidden the truth from me and hurt me all over again, after promising that he'd never do that again.

And it's now been 2 weeks since I've been living in the Kims' family home in Ilsan after leaving Namjoon's parents' home in Seoul. I wouldn't have minded staying there, but I knew that eventually he'd visit his parents too to look for me, and there's no way in hell can I risk him knowing where I've been hiding all this while.

When I told Eomeoni and Abeoji that it'd be better if I left there, they were kind enough to offer me to stay here in their family home in Ilsan. I've been here ever since.

They have a housekeeper here who comes twice a day to clean the house and water the plants in Eomeoni's garden, but other than that, it's me alone.

I think I did need this time alone, away from everyone I know to think things through. Now that I think about it, even though I'm hurt beyond words, disappearing like that on everyone wasn't the wisest decision to make.

Yes, Namjoon's family, Ayesha, Jackson, Seokjin and Hoseok do know where I am, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I didn't want to disappear like that, especially on Joon, Appa and Paa.

The more I think about everything, the more I feel like shit for running away. I always believed that running away is never the solution, but facing the problem like an adult is, yet I ran away the first chance I got.

Was I hurt? Yes!

Do I feel like shit for the decision I made? Yes!

But am I still hurt and angry? Also yes!

Namjoon, of all people, knows how hard it was for me to let someone in, let myself fall in love, give myself to someone, ⏤ not just emotionally, but also physically ⏤ trust someone, open up to someone about everything that's happened in my past, and give him a second chance even after he cheated on and lied to me.

Yet he hurt me. What broke me the most was how he didn't once think what it'd mean to me to know that the man I thought was dead for all these years, for whose death I blamed myself, who was the only person who ever treated me right, was alive. He knew it all, yet he decided to listen to Appa and ended up hurting me.

I'm not angry at Appa for hiding all this from me, but I sure as hell am angry at him for how easily he pretended like Paa really was dead, and how he acted like he was still mourning the loss of Paa. I understand why he hid everything from me. I get it that everything he did was only for his half-brother and to protect his daughter.

Even though Joon and Appa's reason to hide everything from me was the same, how each of them affected me was totally different. I loved both of them, more than anything, but Appa was, well a father figure in my life. But in the other hand, Namjoon was the man I fell in love with, and gave myself to in every aspect.

Everything hurt like a fucking bitch, yet all I could do was cry myself to sleep every single night. My thoughts constantly kept haunting me for the past month. I used to have nightmares when I first moved from the States to Seoul, but then they were gone after I took some therapy.