SkyView (POETRY)

UnWanted

Why do i feel unwanted? I'll let you take a peek. I'll let you see what i see in this broken body. I just ask for you to be patient with me, I'm unloading my baggage, my briefs. I planned to take a trip to heaven today, but since you want to know it can wait till tomorrow, first thing.

In me you'll see a man alone. A man who stepped away from his peers to stay trapped inside his fears. A man stoned by the status quo because of what he owns. A broken heart is worth less than gold when it's broken; it doesn't want to beat any more. What's the point of a band if the drummer doesn't play? In me you'll see a man tired of all he's had to abide with since the day he was born. He was born into a city of the dead, living makes him feel un-wanted. Where can I go without having to answer for my travels. I'm held by many questions, but tell me, how can one explain their habits? I'm used to being me, I'm used to dealing with everything I've ever been. It's one thing to be in love with the gleams of life but that isn't what I mean. Illnesses riddled my body way before I knew I was a walking disease. why was I born into this life to suffer? What was the point of making me? I can rarely enjoy a thing without wincing under pressure. I find myself running to the cupboard to pour myself a cup of medics. The remedies kill me softly but anything is better than being killed loud. Why has this been my portion? I don't see a reason to feel wanted now. Do you?

I have eyes to see myself. I see myself brighter than anyone could ever see. I see myself everyday, I hate the pictures of me. I hate the way I smile, I hate the way my eyes touch the camera's flash & I look lopsided, see? I see me before you saw me, you didn't even know where to look. How could you know what I see? I'm no loser. If my body wants me to die, I'll beat it seamlessly. I'll dive head first into a knife. I'll die before I could even look up to see. If only you could see what I see, you'd know what i mean. you'd know that death was a gift, it takes me away from me. My body surely agrees, it's a walking disease.

I hate the topic of love, I hate the lovers I see. I hate that I even want to be in love, it's a weak feeling to me. Imagine wanting to do everything for a person, so much that you forget everything you've ever been. A longing feeling of butterflies that trample my organs. It rips apart my heart when she walks away but when I see her face again it starts regrowing. Why is this what I want? It doesn't help me at all, love shouldn't matter to me. Why is it an all basic necessity? why, when it makes me question everything that makes me who i be? Why is it every time I see a face attractive I plan the rest of my stay on Earth with her? It's always an inevitable, permanent vacation when she leaves. Strangers are what we'll always be, a sure destiny. Love has never been good for me. It makes me feel as un-wanted as un-wanted could be.

Do you see? Do you see what makes me feel so unwanted? Do you understand how I can't understand life's gleam? Do you understand why I don't like to smile or laugh? It doesn't feel authentic to me. I'd rather stay away from it all. I'd rather do my own thing. So now if you excuse me, I'll be repacking my luggage. I've got a flight tomorrow, first thing.