SkyView (POETRY)

Because of Her

My heart never stopped beating when she left. She left me alone in my blood - a pool of regret. I promised myself to never be upset because it is what it is, but where do I go to vent about her sins? I loved her even then - oh yes, even then. Even when she played the fiddle with my heart, appeasing many men. I should've known her life goal was to see men. I should've known she just wanted to swallow my semen. I should've known she just wanted to flip it back, & spit it out, then dive right back to her sea of men. I looked over our differences because I thought she could be saved. I wish I would've just let her go, she didn't want to be saved. Looking back; I was so brave. As brave as brave could be. I'm so ashamed. You see, I just never thought this type of thing could ever happened to me. These types of things never entered my psyche, I was in love, I only wanted to be free. She took advantage of me, that's all I can believe. That's all that i can see. While I'm sitting in this pool, I've had a lot of time to think. When will they find me? Who will I be? I feel like losing all this blood is going to do something to me. I wouldn't be surprised if it altered a part of me, it might make me more insane, it might make me lose me for all eternity. I can't believe she really did this to me. Ah, when will they find me? I feel my grip on reality loosening, please, someone come find me!

Days go by & the pool's starting to dry. Blood clots form against my shirt, the tears dry up from my eyes. I used to dream about flying but now i wish about dying. There's no more you & I, so there's no point in life, to be honest. I haven't batted an eye at what to do with life, to be honest. I don't believe in life. I don't believe in time. I don't believe in second chances, but for you, I'll roll the dice. Just please come save me, I don't want to die tonight. Not without you, I need you by my side. I need you to console my soul, make me feel all nice, like you used to. Maybe I'm hallucinating but I see you in front of me, is that you boo? You're looking all cute but vague - I think it's the pool's view. I wish we could be here all day but I'm not where I'm used to. I don't know what I mean, is it me, boo? Where are you going? Why do you vanish? Is it my antics, let me change for you! Don't leave me, I swear, I'm who you need, ooh! I'm wishing for your help, ah bae, just like I used to. Did you never want to help me? Why the sudden change boo? Is it a matter of my flesh? The red? You did it, you did, boo! Don't leave when I'm talking to you! I need you now more than ever, I need you to save me from you! It's like you love to part ways, it's never anything new w/ you. I offered you change, & you ran away again, so typical of you. Oh my soul, I'm so ashamed. The loss of blood messed up my brain. She branded me w/ a guilty shame, I can't believe she really did this to me. ah, when will they find me? I feel my grip on reality loosening, please, someone come find me!

It's been a really long time since the episode that night. I wish I could die but maybe my wounds aren't that bad, maybe it just isn't my time. I've been sitting in this pool for a while, the pain still hurts, but I feel just fine. It is what it is, it was what it was, there's nothing i can do about it this time. Everyone has flaws, right? When I love, I love tight, so excuse me if I missed you when I shouldn't have. I've always been scared of being alone, she was the only one that made me feel at home in any place but home. My baby, she was my home, but she tore me up inside, she left me fallen like Rome. For that reason, I'll never forgive her, but let me forget it all, I'm alone, it's done. What good can she do me now? Why should i cry? She probably doesn't even care at all. I was alive when she broke my heart, there's no way I can excuse a mistake that she made sober or not. She made her choice, I'll respect her voice. Can I be so selfish that I neglect my own heart? I'm sitting in a pool of my own blood; she didn't help me once. There's more to life than love, there's more to life than her. I can't believe she really did this to me. Ah, when will they find me? I feel my grip on reality loosening, please, someone come find me! I'm in this state because of her, I need to be honest. I need to desperately save myself, only I can release myself from her trauma.