sunshine and midnight rain

Chapter 8

-We can grow up together even now. Can we try again?

29th of December

Yuji's pov

I decided to ignore everything about Lily, even her message, I needed to ask someone for advice and thought that Fushiguro could suggest me what to do; I discovered that he's very logical and doesn't let himself be carried away by emotions so easily. He's in fact the best one I could ask, trying to ignore everything I feel for him. It's difficult to believe that I'm going to ask the guy I'm in love with to help me with my ex whose first love is me. I thought so much last night that everything became too much, all the emotions, tiredness and all the stress caused me to fall apart, I cried. Although, that helped me. Today I feel better, but I'm still tired, my eyes are tired. Not only yesterday. This is a pretty heavy period and I'm still trying to get used to all the new things that have happened to me in only one week. First grandpa's death, then the move, the new school, new friends, first love and then an ex return, Lily's return. I tried not to think about that and just got ready for school, it was already late and I wouldn't have arrived on time even if I took the bus. I got dressed, black hoodie, steel rings, light blue jeans, Airforces, perfume, jacket, then prepared my backpack and got out of the house. I slept six hours in total and the slippery road didn't help at all. I took my phone from my right pocket and checked the time, 7:52, I would have never arrived on time even if I wanted to. I started to run, not really putting a big effort, I wasn't even that interested, I just knew that I wanted to see Fushiguro and that he could have made me happy, relieved, and could have helped me with Lily. I smiled at the thought. I ran to school and arrived at 8.01, not too bad. I ran to class as fast as I could and entered suddenly, I think the teacher didn't expect it and got scared. That fucking history teacher again, but this was philosophy class.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to arrive late."
"Itadori, you're late again."
"I know, I"m sorry."
"Go out of the class, I'll call you inside before the end of the lesson."
"I'm just two minutes late, can't I stay here?"
"Don't make your situation worse, Itadori, go out."He said calmly. This fucking dumbass. I turned around to exit but took a quick glance at Fushiguro, that made me skip a beat but tried not to think about that and sat at the same spot where I had sat when I was with him, against the wall, on the floor. I just sat there without even taking off my jacket, legs stretched out on the floor, the right one on the left one, having my backpack on the left, leaning against me. I looked at tiktok, what else could I have done? I could hear a bit of the explanation but didn't even want to follow that stupid lesson, knowing that the history teacher also teaches philosophy in our class makes my stomach twist, he pisses me off pretty badly. After ten minutes I felt something weakly hit my head on the left, and raised my head from the phone and turned it. I found Fushiguro in front of the door of the class, now closed, holding a little bottle of water in his right hand. I felt my chest blow up and my cheeks become pink.
"What are you doing, Fushiguro?"I asked, confused.
"Take this."He referred to the bottle of water. "I'm sure you had run to come here and certainly don't have a bottle of water."Needless to say that if I was pink before I was now as red as a tomato, but I acted like nothing happened. It makes me flustered knowing that he knows so much about me in such a short period of time.
"Thank you, Fushiguro!"I exclaimed with a wide smile.
"Are you okay?"He came in front of me and crouched to reach my level. "You're red."Damn.
"Yeah, I'm okay, don't worry, I'm still flushed from the race to come here. I'm surprised to know you know me so well already."I affirmed smiling.
"Yeah, take it."He threw the bottle at me, I took it and had a sip.
"Did you come here just to give me this bottle?"
"Yeah."My heart couldn't be as happy as this.
"Can you...stay here a little longer?"I took the risk, I like it when he's with me.
"Yeah, I don't have much to do there anyway."He looked at the ground while I looked at him. Words could not describe his beauty. We stayed in silence for a little while, him looking at the ground, me looking at him.
"Fushiguro..can I talk with you about something?"
"Yeah, what is it?"
"It's something uh, that's bothering me."
"Go on."
"Okay well, it's a long story but, in short, do you remember that girl I told you about, the one of the blue roses, during middle school, Lily?"
"Yeah, what about her?"
"Okay so, uh, I'm her first love and after that thing of the roses, we started dating each other, first kiss, got in a relationship and so. It lasted a year and a half and then we broke up and decided not to talk to each other anymore, to move on. The thing is that after almost two years, at the end of the second year in high school, we met each other accidentally at a friend's party and well, we got dragged a little by the emotions and yeah, it happened what happened but yesterday-"
"So you had sex with her."That embarrassed me, not only because it is a bit embarrassing to say it that way but also because he said that.
"Hey! It wasn't necessary to make it explicit, Fushiguro!"I said flustered.
"Well, but it is true, right?"
"Yeah..."I looked at my shoes.
"What happened then?"
"Oh, yeah, yesterday night she wrote a message to me, on Instagram, and uh...listen, I'm gonna show it to you so you can read it entirely."I took my phone, went on Instagram and showed the message she sent me. I didn't care if she could see that I left her on read. He started to read it and we stood in silence.
"How..how do you think you're gonna respond?"He broke the gaze from my phone.
"I don't know, I asked you for help because it makes me stressed."
"Do you like her?"I almost choked.
"No! I'm her first love but she isn't mine...I had a crush on her for six months or something but then nothing, after the break up especially I felt nothing related to love for her."
"So, why did you have sex with her?"
"I always felt a really strong affection for her. When we were together I still had the impulse to kiss her but just because I was happy. That night we had drunk a little and were just happy somehow, we were conscious, not drunk, it just happened."
"So, why is this stressful for you?" I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
How could I explain to him that I fell in love with him the night before, had been completely drained by those emotions and didn't want to hear Lily again?
"It's difficult to explain, but I didn't want to hear her again, especially since I came here, I hoped nor to see or hear her again. She's not a bad person, don't get me wrong, she's one of the sweetest souls, but after all that happened I just didn't want to deal with her."
"Yeah, got it."Silence.
"Listen, Itadori, I'm gonna ask you to have trust in what I'm about to say."I looked at him. "Feeling stressed and having no will to see or hear her again is already an answer. If she makes you stressed or anxious there's no need to think more about this. Tell her you don't want to hear anything from her anymore and just leave her in the past, live your present, it's already a bad period for you."He stood up. "Just...don't make those stupid things get you in that way, you suffer without an aim, it's useless. I don't think you deserve to suffer more than you already have..."He said quietly, while coming back to class, while giving me a sweet caress on the head, needless to say that made me blush. Before disappearing behind the door he gave me a last quick glance, I just looked at him and then stared at my shoes, ruminating at what he said. He was right, without doubt. I took courage and decided to respond, there wasn't need to ghost her like an immature.
yujii_itadorii
"Hi, Lily, I don't wanna try again.
I get what you mean however I
have no will to try again with you.
I don't like you in that way, and I'm
not really in the mood to start so-
mething new with you. Sorry for
that, but I'd prefer not hearing from
you nor seeing you again for some
time, in the future maybe we'll be
able to have a friendship as good
friends, nevertheless, focus on mo-
ving on, I'm not the one for you.
Thank you for all the good
time spent together."
When I sent the message I sighed, I know this is going to hurt her, but this time I have to put myself first, there's no point in talking with her if it makes me stressed anyway. Now I'm even in love with someone else, trying with her would be totally worthless, moreover I'd just give her false hope. I know I did the right thing. How stressful. Without expecting it, she responded right away.
lily_yuukoyn
"I understand, Yuji. Thanks for
telling me, I hope someone else
will make you happy, even if
that actually hurts me. Words
cannot describe how much I lo-
ved you, Yuji, you'll always ha-
ve a place in my heart. Just
know that if you'll change your
mind, I'll be right here.
Thank you for loving me, I lo-
ved everything about the time
spent together."
I replied right away.
yujii_itadorii
"I'm sure someone else will love
you more than I did, someone
who'll be truly in love with you,
I hope as well someone else will
make you happy."
She didn't respond to that, just added a red heart to the message, that surely hurt her. I put my phone away and retracted my legs, leaning my head on my knees, eyes closed.
"Itadori Yuji."Well, that didn't last long. I lifted my head. "Sleeping outside the class isn't appropriate, don't ever do that again."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was awake all the time, I was looking at my phon-"
"Don't you dare look at your phone during class time again. Go to the principal, now."
"Wait, teacher!"Kugisaki said. "I'm sure Itadori won't ever do that again, and he'll also try to be on time everyday. Today he's just a bit off because he had some family problems; his brother is in hospital and he was looking at his phone to see if he could have news of him."That was a lie, of course, even too big, but I mentally thanked her for that.
"Oh, I see."Silence. He was looking at me from above. "Then it's okay, come in, Itadori, don't make that happen again, or at least, ask the teacher first."
"I will."I said while standing up and taking my backpack. As I came into class everyone looked at me as if I was some alien, just Nobara, Ozawa and Fushiguro had normal expressions. Checking the clock we had in class I saw that it was almost the end of the hour, 10 minutes till the end. I turned to Kugisaki, I thanked her for everything she did and she just said that she's an expert in this, well, I could have expected it from her. When the teacher finally left I took a quick look at my phone, when suddenly, again, something hit the top of my head from behind. That must have been Fushiguro, indeed, it was him.
"Is that your way to greet me or?"I asked, ironically, without looking at him.
"Maybe it is."He said. "These are the philosophy notes, take them."
"Last time you seemed bored by the philosophy lesson, did you take notes even the last time?"I turned around to look at him, confused, while taking his notebook in my hands.
"No."
"So, uh, why did you take notes today?"I was even more confused. "And if you took them, why are you giving them to me then?"I raised my eyebrow.
"You really are a dumbass, Itadori. I took them for you."He said, annoyed. My eyes widened.
"You took them for me?"I asked, I was still confused, it seemed unusual, strange, for someone like him to do something like this for...me? I was confused as hell, I almost thought that was a joke, nevertheless, my heart seemed happy to hear that.
"You should be grateful, Itadori, Fushiguro had never done that for anyone."Kugisaki interfered with a smirk, she was turned towards me with her left arm leaning against the chair and her head above it, while her left leg was bent. I looked at her.
"Oh really?"I turned again towards Fushiguro.
"Shut up, Kugisaki."
"Well but it's true, com'on, admit it."She said, smirking even more.
"What a dumbass. It is true, but don't mind that, Itadori, I took them because I wanted to, don't think that I felt obliged to do that."He said in a softer way. I blushed and looked at the ground. The last thing I wanted, to be honest, was the discovery of this crush I had for Fushiguro.
"Thank you so much, Fushiguro."I smiled. It isn't even a crush, I would literally do anything for him, because there's no space for crushes when you are in love, and it would be even more difficult to fall out of love if people discover that I'm actually in love with him. But, to be honest, even if no one notices or discovers, should I actually try to move on? Keeping secret the fact that I'm in love with him is the best thing? I'd like to try to make a move, in the end, this is not a simple crush that you can forget after one or two days, maybe there's a little chance for him to like me. But, perhaps, right now is not the right moment to make a move, we've known each other for just four days now, it's way too soon, and I'm already in love without reason. This is weird and I'm scared I might be weird for him as well. I'll wait a little then, that's the best, even if it'll be difficult to try to hide these emotions.