Anxiety is Nick's worst enemy

chapter 10

~ Charlie's POV ~

We sit on the bathroom floor cuddled up together for a bit. I know he's postponing talking to his mom but i don't want to push him too much. "Nick we should really go talk to your mom now, she's so worried about you" i try. 

Nick sits up "i know, everyone is worried about me.. But i don't want that! Don't worry about me." he snaps at me. I don't know what to say, only a hurt "Nick..." leaves my mouth.

I think Nick heard the pain in my voice and takes a deep breath. "no it's fine i'm okay, just-" he stops talking and stands up. "just leave me alone for a bit" he says while he walks out of the bathroom. 

He walks downstairs and i follow him. He shuts the front door and leaves. I decide to give him some space, there's no point in running after him right now, he needs a little time. I decide to go sit in the living room.

"Charlie? Was that Nick leaving?" Sarah asks me with a concerned look. "y-yeah" i say trying not to tear up. "why?" she asks me and i decide to be honest. "I told him we need to talk about it with you and that everyone is worried and he just got upset by that and told me to leave him alone, i don't know" "oh okay, well lets give him a little bit of space then i guess." she says to me. "Sarah we really need to find him a therapist" i say with so much worry in my voice. I don't want him to get as bad as i was. "yeah i think so too, but he refuses." he says. 

"it's getting really bad, he needs help. I don't want him to go through the same things as me." i say honestly. Right when i say this i see Sarah's face fall into the most worried look i have ever seen and i feel so bad for her. "Charlie you're kinda scaring me. Can you tell me what's going on with Nick please?" she basically begs me. "uhmm it's not really my place but okay yeah" i tell her, she deserves to know too and i don't think Nick will tell her any time soon. 

"I know. Normally i would wait until Nick is ready to tell me but i don't know if that day will come any time soon and he needs the help now so i appreciate you wanting to tell me." And i know she's right. I know it's not fair to Nick but she needs answers too. "yeah i agree with that"

I take a deep breath before telling Sarah everything. "uhm well he is struggling a lot with his anxiety and he feels like it's too much to handle, he told me that school is too much but just life in general feels like to much for him right now. He told me he doesn't want to live like this and that he can't take it anymore. He's feeling really down and depressed and he's having a lot of negative thoughts because of all this. That's why he's in his room, in the dark, a lot of the times lately. He also told me that he's nauseous from stress and that's why he can't eat much, but also he feels good to control his eating. He told me he can't control his anxiety and his overwhelming feelings so he finds comfort in getting control over his eating. I'm really worried that he says that because that's exactly how my eating disorder started. If we find him the right help he can get help from the start and not when it's already really bad." i tell her, knowing there's still one more thing she really needs to know. "and there's one more thing." i add. 

"oh poor Nick, this is already a lot and there's even more?" she says looking sad. "yeah there is and i really don't know how to say this." i tell her in all honesty. 

I fidget with my fingers because i'm getting anxious to tell her. She needs to know but why is it so hard to say out loud. It feels like i've been keeping this massive secret that i need to tell now. Sarah apparently notices my anxiety because she says "Charlie it's okay, i won't be mad or anything i just really want to help and know what's going on. You can tell me anything." 

I take another deep breath before telling her "Nick started hurting himself." "oh my baby, why didn't he tell me" she says sad and also worried. "his anxious thoughts keep telling him that you will be mad and disappointed in him if he told you. And i tried to tell him you weren't going to do that, but i also know how hard it is to not take those thoughts seriously." i tell her. 

"yeah i understand" she assures me. "do you know how bad it is? Is he been doing it for a long time?" she asks, desperately wanting answers, which i understand. 

"i just found out today myself, he told me this morning was the first time he did it but he has been thinking about it before. I found him in the bathroom with a blade and i got him to stop so i have one of them but i don't know if he has more. It wasn't that deep, i cleaned it and wrapped it up so that's okay i guess. When he was having that panic attack in the bathroom just now, he hurt himself again, that's why i asked you to leave for a little bit. I saw blood on his hands and he had been clenching his fists and putting his nails in his hands to feel physical pain instead of mental pain. He told me he much rather had physical pain caused and controlled by him than all those other feelings he can't do anything about." 

"thank you so much for telling me Charlie, i'm glad i know what's going on now so i can help and comfort Nick." Sarah says while smiling at me. We keep talking for a little and after 20 minutes pass we hear the front door open and Nick steps into the hallway. 

I'm glad he's back and that he's okay. "Nick!" i excitedly yell while running up to him and wrapping him in my arms and he immediately hugs me back. "i'm glad you're okay" i breath out. 

Nick looks to the floor, "i'm really sorry for walking away like that Char. I just needed fresh air and time to collect my thoughts. My thoughts and feelings were all over the place" he says looking so guilty. "i know baby, that's why i let you go" i say, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

I didn't want to break the moment but it had to be said. "we do need to talk about something, can we sit down in the living room?" Nick looks at me all confused "uhmm okay?" i kinda drag him to the living room where Sarah is sitting on the couch. 

"hi Nicky" "hi mom" we sit down and i can tell Nick is getting really anxious, probably because he doesn't know what's to come. His leg is shaking so i put my hand on his leg to calm him. "baby it's okay, son't try to stress yourself out too much" "mhm" he says while taking a deep breath before continuing, i can sense that he knows what's about to happen. "so? w-what's going o-on?"

"i asked Charlie about you and he told me everything. He didn't want to at first because he taught it was not his place so don't be angry at him for that or anything." Sarah begins. "i just want to say that i'm here for you, you can always talk to me and i'm sorry if i ever made you feel like couldn't tell me anything. I'm really sorry you're going through all that and that you're feeling so bad, but i'm here to help you so please tell me if you ever feel like hurting yourself or having bad thoughts please? And we should really find you a therapist, the sooner the better." she adds. 

Nick starts crying and i wrap him in my arms. "t-thank you mom, i'm r-really sorry i didn't t-tell you but i- i just c-couldn't" Nick says in between sobs. "and i-i think i- need a-a therapist" he adds. I'm really proud of him for saying that, i know how scared he is to go to therapy so this is a big step already. 

"we'll find one together honey, i'm really proud of you" Sarah says. "i don't want that, you shouldn't be" Nick says while looking down. "why?" Sarah asks genuinely confused and so am i a little bit. 

"i d-don't deserve it. I'm just a f-fail-" Nick tries to say but i cut him off "no baby, i know what you're going to say and i'm not letting you say that about yourself, you are NOT a failure." i sit closer to Nick hugging him once again. 

"you're struggling and that's hard, but that doesn't mean you failed in life, you're an amazing person Nick and the best boyfriend i could ever ask for." i tell him and then kissing him. "yes Nicky. You're a wonderful, sweet, caring, loving boy with the biggest heart" Sarah adds and i love what she said. 

She stands up and walks over to Nick, giving him a big hug. "we're in this together, we're going to help you honey, i love you" Sarah says. "i love you mom" "it'll get better Nick i promise you." i say and Nick hugs me tightly.

"i'm proud of you and i love you so much" i whisper in his ear. 

"i love you Char" he whispers back.

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A/N: I kinda want to end the story here because i don't know what else to write about at the moment. If you have any ideas on how i could continue this story let me know and maybe i will! <3 I hope you liked this story so far!