Anxiety is Nick's worst enemy

chapter 12

~ Charlie's POV ~

It's the next day and i wake up with Nick still sleeping on my chest, he looks adorable. I play with his hair and kiss his head and he starts tossing and turning a little but he doesn't wake up. I decide to just let him sleep a little bit longer before we have to wake up for school.

He starts breathing more intense and i shake him a little trying to wake him up. He jolts awake the moment i touch him and he sits up right away starting to hyperventilate. "hey Nick it's okay baby it's okay" i wrap him in my arms and rock him to calm him down while he cries in my arms. 

Nick cries in my arms for a little bit until he starts to calm down and i lift him off my chest "what's up love?" i ask him and he looks at me with tear stained eyes. "i- i- i'm s-so a-anxi-ous" he stutters out. "breathe Nick" i remind him. 

"i don't think you're in the right headspace to go to school today love, i think you should stay home and take it easy and we can talk about it and cuddle" i suggest to Nick and he nods, agreeing with me and then hides in my chest again cuddling. I lay back down with Nick and play with his hair while i can hear his heartbeat starting to calm down. 

While cuddling together i can feel myself falling asleep and Nick is starting to doze off too. 

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Some more time passed and Nick is still asleep next to me but i decide to wake him now so i can get him something to eat. "Nick wake up love" "hmm Char" "morning darling" he rubs his eyes and smiles at me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me on top of him cuddling me. "Nick!" i giggle while hiding my face in his shoulder. I give him a kiss in his neck and then his cheek before sitting up. 

"want some breakfast?" i ask him and he looks away. "sorry Char i really don't want anything right now" "it's okay Nick we'll try it another time today okay?" i ask him and he just nods his head a little hesitantly. I already know he probably wont eat later today but i'm still going to try.

We both get ready and go downstairs to go and cuddle on the couch. Sarah is at work so we're the only one's home right now so i decide this is a good moment to have a talk with Nick. I sit up and turn to Nick and grab his hands in mine. "can we talk about what happened yesterday?" i ask him and i can feel his body tense up. 

"i don't want to stress you out or make you uncomfortable babe but we should talk about it. I want to understand what was up yesterday and i want to help you if i can or at least comfort you." i say to him in all honesty. 

Nick takes a deep breath "o-okay yeah, y-you're right, i'm s-sorry. I should talk about it" he admits and i'm glad he does. "I just- i'm just s-so fucking scared for my therapy appointment" his voice breaks while trying to talk and it breaks my heart. "my anxiety was killing me yesterday and i was so overwhelmed that i just couldn't handle it all. The feeling of being touched was already too much for me and i was so angry at myself that i got angry at everyone else who tried to talk to me, i really don't know why, i think i was just so overwhelmed that i didn't want to talk." Nick rambles out in one breath.

"breathe Nick" i remind him once again. He takes a deep breath. "Why were you angry at yourself love?" i ask him. I understand so much more of the reactions he had yesterday, it all makes so much more sense now. I'm really glad he opened up to me.

"just- why can't i just be normal?! I just want to be able to go to school like a normal human being. Why do i have all these problems that are unbearable to handle?! i don't know i just got s-so s-so angry at myself" Nick says with an irritated tone. 

"i completely understand you, but it is not your fault Nick. I understand that it's really hard on you dealing with all of this and that's why you are getting the help you need pretty soon. And i get that it's really scary to open up to a stranger and it takes time to trust the person but it's going to be okay" i tell him. "and if you want and would feel more comfortable i could always come to your therapy appointment with you" i offer.

Nick relaxes almost immediately after i said all of this "can you please come with?" he begs. "ofcourse my love i'll go with you on Friday" i say while placing a kiss on his cheek. He melts into my arms and burries his face in my chest "i love you Char" he mumbles. "i love you baby" i whisper back.

"i'm s-so s-sorry about yesterday" he says. I lift his chin up so i can look at him and his eyes are filled with tears "hey baby it is not your fault, you don't have to apologize okay? i love you" i say while wiping a tear from his cheek. 

"And what happened this morning baby?" i ask him still wondering if he had a nightmare or something else is going on. 

"i dont really know, just- all these negative thoughts came rushing through my head and- and it got so overwhelming and i just- freaked out i guess" i take Nick's hand in mine and give him a kiss "please don't leave me i'm so sorry" Nick blurts out. I hate that he thinks i'll ever leave him because i would never but i don't know how i can get him to believe that too.

"Nick please listen to me, i will never ever leave you, i'm here to stay. Always and forever" i say to him while embracing him in another hug. Nick gives me a kiss and soon we're both asleep.