The Grace of God

Chapter Five - The Grace of God.

Unfortunately, going home wasn't that straightforward or easy... Not only because the holspital wanted to keep me in for at least the next week under supervision and to ensure that i was completely and properly detoxed, and they wanted to know if i had an aversion to taking Methadone and therefore needed to know if I had a problem with drugs, saying that the evidence proved that I did, but they needed to know from me what had happened... but also because the hospital had told me that they were under a legal obligation to inform the police of their findings ... and i may not be able to stay living at home, which i pannicked because i took it to mean that I would be arrested and taken to prison...
I WAS suffering the cravings and withdrawl symptoms from the substances i was lacking now, and i had addmitted as much as having a drug problem, but i didn't know if it was an addiction or not as i had never tried to stop. I said I'd been using hardcore drugs for a number of years now, and i accepted the offer of methadone wondering if i could take it place of the drugs, HOPING, I guess, that it would make me feel better and actually help me and put an end to my suffering from the cravings and withdrawl.
Before I took the methadone, I HATED myself because with no drugs in me I was back to my old stupid, pathetic, shy, quiet, anxious, SCARED, silent boy that i couldn stand, and i barely been able to answer the hospital and said these things only in a few words answering only quiet "yes" and "nos" mainly and saying, "but.." but not being able to explain myself correctly, and had just fhit myself, stressing about it, but then the methadone started working and i found i could finally talk to them again... It helped me and cured me, but i felt different to the drug use. I didn feel like it was an influenced or forced feeling or thought of my mind and body not under my control or something that wasn't of my causing, but i felt i knew my own thoughts and feelings, and i knew that they were mind, and i felt healed, i felt clear in my head and i felt in control, and i honestly felt above the world because i found it was making me feel... better... and be a better person with more confidence... without the need of cociane or herione, but.... this wouldn't last for long, I was to find, before the severe cravings for the drugs came back at the same time.
The doctor came in to see me... Did an examination and a checkup, pput new neeles into my arms, keeping me on drips, and i could see that my heart rate and blood pressure were absolutely FINE, perfact, normal... I insited, "I really do feel FINE. Please don call the police... I just want to go home."
The doctor comforted me and spoke kindly to me, insisting that the hospital and the police just wanted to help and do their jobs and this meant to save my life, and i blurted out, "But theyl send me to prison!!! I haven't done anything wrong!!"
The doctor insisted that he would make sure the police didn send me to prison.... that he and they just wanted to know everything and i had to answer every question as honestly and directly as possible. I just had to explain what had happened... and whatever they could do for me to help me, they would. The doctor and the nurse said that they were just glad to see me alive - they thought they had lost my life. I was in and out of life and death throughout the night. i said, "God and Jesus saved my life...!" and they both smiled at me and said, "We belive that They did!" they said, "This is a miracle."
I shook and asked if the police were on their way...................... Yes.
And at that moment my older brother Paul walked into the room.