The Maiden in Winter // Harry Styles Series #4

THIRTY SIX

~H~

I text Leigh the moment I get back in the car after dropping Alex and Bean off at their house. As always, she comes through like a champ, making time for a video call fifteen minutes later.

"Happy belated birthday, Harry. I was surprised to get your request for a session so soon after you got home. Tell me what's going on.

Where to begin?

"I think I told her I love her."

"You're not sure?"

"I was half asleep. I honestly don't know if I thought it or said it."

"Has she mentioned it?"

"No, but she seemed a little different this morning. Hesitant. She's afraid of what the social media exposure will mean."

"I saw the posts. It looked like a very happy moment. I was interested to see Alex and Bean included. What did Jeff think of that?"

"It was all of fifteen minutes before he was on team Alex. I just really wanted them to be a part of it all. I do think I love her."

"How does that make you feel?"

I laugh, and Leigh's brow furrows.

"You're laughing. That's curious."

"I'm laughing at you. No, not at you, at the question. The cliché of it."

"Will you answer it, cliché or not?"

"Of course I will. It makes me equally happy and frightened. I want to sing about it. The happy and the frightened."

"But she doesn't want to be sung about."

"No, she doesn't. She doesn't want me to share us with the world that way. But I might do it anyway. Not for anyone else's ears, just for myself, and maybe for her."

"I think as long as you're respecting her wishes and not putting it out there, that would be fine. It might be a good way to tell her what you're feeling. I want to go back to that. I want you to tell me how what you're feeling now is different from what you've felt in the past, for other people."

Not someplace I particularly want to go, but she rarely asks me questions that aren't important.

"I felt so broken after her... after Olivia."

I hate it that I don't want to say her name. A name that meant nothing but happy memories, for so long.

"I expected to be cynical, even suspicious of any woman who showed interest in me. But not Alex. I trust her authenticity. And I don't feel overwhelmed by her, or in competition with her, or like I need to prove anything to her. It's so easy."

Wait. Think about what's probably coming on the heels of the social media exposure.

"It's easy between us, even though it might not be as easy for us from now on."

Leigh is obviously considering what I just said before she comments on it.

"I'm really pleased that you recognize some of the ways in which previous relationships have been unhealthy, and that you sense the difference between being easy between you and easy for you. What do you think about telling her you love her? We've talked about the dangers of using those very powerful words too soon, too lightly."

Boy have we ever. "I want to be sure, to be able to say them without hesitation."

"That's wise. I'm confident that you'll know when it's right. How do you think you'll feel if she can't or won't say it back?"