The Maiden in Winter // Harry Styles Series #4

FIFTY THREE

~H~

Alex must be livid. I feel paralyzed, afraid telling her would change everything. Although I've probably ruined any chance of making this up to her by ignoring her for so long.

At least Leigh knows. I don't know how I could have handled it without her. And now that I've made my decision, I know she'll help me manage whatever it means for my future. She thinks Alex will understand, that I should confide in her, trust her. That she'll forgive me. I'm not so sure.

I miss Bean. I miss her. The blush. The eyes. The feel of holding her next to me, the feel of being inside her.

Fuck.

***

~A~

May began with a week of chilly rain and still no word from Harry. Andy saw the SUV now and then; they were still out on Maiden Island. Ed said they must come and get their mail after hours; he never saw either of them, but the box was emptied every few days.

I was listless, distracted. After debating with myself for days I finally decided to reach out to Anne. She was the one who asked him to call Olivia. Maybe she knew what had happened. Of course I didn't want to sound needy, or pushy, or pathetic, or desperate. Which I was. So, as hard as it was, I went with a casual and nonchalant text.

'Hi. Haven't heard from H lately. Hope everything's ok. Bean and I send our best to you and Darren!'

It was twenty eight excruciating hours until I heard from her.

(Call from Anne to Alex)

"Hello, Sweetie, how are you? How's my boy Bean?"

"We're fine, but..." I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't cry, although I could hear a quaver in my voice, "but we miss Harry. I haven't heard from him since the night he... the night he talked to her. Fred told me not to go out to the house or call or text. Is he ok?"

There was a pause. I heard her take a deep breath before she spoke, and when she did, it was with the same shaky tone as my own.

"We haven't heard much since I gave him the message from Olivia, and he won't tell me what's wrong. He's not talking to Gemma or Jeff, either. I think Mitch and Sarah might know something, but they're not sharing."

I hated hearing her say that name. Olivia. What could it be, that he wouldn't even tell his mother?

"Anne," I wasn't worried about sounding needy, or pushy, or pathetic, or desperate anymore. I let the tears flow. "Is he safe? Is he going to be ok?"

"Fred and George – he flew over a few days ago – are with him so I know he's safe. Leigh won't tell me what's happened, but I know that she talks to him every few days. She's assured me that she'll intervene again if she needs to, like she did last year, but that right now he just wants to be alone."

"I'm glad he's safe, but it really doesn't sound like he's ok. I just..."

"You miss him, I know, and I don't like how he treated you. Making you leave without -"

"Did he tell you?" I knew my tone was snappish, but the thought of his behavior that night made me so angry.

"No, Sweetie, Fred did. My son has a lot to answer for right now, but thirty years of experience tells me that letting him come to it on his own is best. Hopefully he'll sort out whatever's got him tied up in knots soon. He always manages to come round, and life goes on."

We said our goodbyes and hung up, but my mind still wasn't at ease. Life would go on, of course, but would mine and his go on together?

***