Ephemeral - Alia Dixon

5

Half of Alexandria is out, trying to lead these walkers away from Alexandria while we all wait for them to get back. I know it's better that we weren't allowed to come but come on. I know my way around the forest, same for Allen. Nothing would've happened to us. Though I know my dad and Rick are better off without worrying about their children's whereabouts.
So, now I'm walking around with Carl and Allen as Allen pushes the stroller with Judith infront of us. Carl stops though as he sees Enid and Ron behind a bush. I can see the hurt flashing through his eyes and wonder if it's as predictible on my face too. Seeing him here with his ex-girlfriend hurts, even when they're still friends. I mean, Enid spends most of her time with Carl now and Ron with me. He comes over from time to time just to talk or sometimes even just sit there.
"Carl" Gabriel says behind us and we all turn around annoyedly.
"What?" Carl asks in a sharp tone.
"You heard what I told Deanna about your group" he says and we all watch him sceptically.
"What do you want?" Allen asks.
"It was about me, not you or your group. I know that now. I wanna help. You tried to teach me back at my church but I'm ready to learn now"
"I think you need to tell everybody" Carl says and me and my brother nod.
Gabriel takes his eyes off of us. "Yeah, I think you're right" he says before turning away same as we do.
"Come by around 3:00. We'll start with the machete" Carl says before we keep walking. I take a look to my right just in time to see Enid and Ron hug tightly. Enid spots us, her eyes empty. I put my hand onto Carl's on the stroller and smile at him comfortingly. He smiles back at me for a second before it vanishes again.

We've just arrived back at the house again when a scream is heard outside. I look towards Carol who looks out of the window, a look of horror on her face.
"What's happening?" I ask.
"Someone's inside of the walls" she says.
"How many?" I ask as Carl brings Judith upstairs as I go to retrieve the guns. I give the big one to Carl and another one to Allen.
Carl goes back up again as Carol and I close all the entrances. "I saw from upstairs. They're coming from all over" he says.
"You have to stay here and keep Judith safe" Carol says before she rushes to the door in a hurry.
"Wait! I'm coming with you" I say but she shakes her head.
"Your dad will rip my head off" she says and I roll my eyes, loading my gun. Allen walks up behind me, loading his gun too.
"We're Dixons. You can't make us stay" Allen says jokingly but still a certain amount of truth behind the lines. Carol looks at us for a few seconds before she groans and opens the door.
"Stay behind me" she urges and we do as she says. Slowly we walk through the higher grass watching as they stab people and even walk around with them tied to a chain as if they were their dogs.
"You, go into Jesse's house and see if they're okay. Then you go to the highest point and start shooting these people, leave the rest to me" Carol says.
We nod before I hide in one of the bushes and watch Allen's back. He runs over the street and I watch as one of them runs up to him. Like some maniac he's swinging his axe around as if it's a toy while laughing crazily. Quickly, I shoot him and watch as he flops to the floor. I look around, seeing no one approaching and run over to snatch the axe. I hear someone coming from behind me and look around just in time to see another one coming up at me. There's a huge "W" crossed into his forehead. I throw the axe right into his face, retrieving it shortly after again. People all over the street are bleeding. I run around, trying to save as many as I can when I spot Ron, who's surrounded by three of them. Quickly I take aim at one of them, shooting and watching as he falls to the ground. The other two look around, spotting me before they run over. At least they don't have any guns. My eyes widen. Shit. If they get to the armory we're fucking fucked. I shoot the other two with ease before I urge for Run to come over. He looks relieved to see me and wants to say something but I put my index finger over my mouth, trying to tell him to be quiet.
I make sure it's safe before we run back over the street and I bring him inside his house. I see bloodsmears on the floor and put my hand out to stop him. His chest collides into my hand and I take a quick glance around the corner to see them leading upstairs. Quietly, I walk upstairs, Ron fast on my steps, making me able to almost feel his breath in my neck. I peek around the corner in the top and see nothing, thinking it's good but get surprised when a man comes around the corner and runs up to me. I want to shoot him but he tackles me before I get the chance. He wants to bring his axe down on my face but I stop him just in time with my gun, grunting as I use all my strength to push him far enough from my face to not hurt me. He manages to slice my cheek, but nothing bad, before I punch him with my leg, causing him to loosen up a bit before I stab my knife into his head. He collides on top of me while his blood covers my face. Quickly, I get him off of me and wipe the blood off of my face before handing the axe to Ron. He looks at me, frightened as shit, his hands shaking as he takes it off of me.
I hear grunting again, as if someone's fighting. "Allen" I whisper, running over to where it's coming from. Someone's on top of Allen, trying to strangle him with his bare hands. I pick up the gun and aim for his head. He falls down too as Allen takes a few deep breaths.
"Shit, I had him" he says and I chuckle.
"Keep dreaming" I say but get surprised when someone else runs in. They must've noticed that my brother's shooting all of them from up here and came to kill him. I quickly shove me and Ron out of the way, leaving him to my brother to fight as another one walks in right behind him. There's no time for me to use the gun, so instead I take my knives and shoot the one infront of me before I shoot the one on top of Allen.
"Nice" he says, high-fiving me before we tell Ron to stay here. We take him into another room and tell him to wait.
"No way you're going back out there" he says to me in almost shock.
"I can't let you go out there" Jesse says, opening the closet.
"We have to. Allen and I have to get to the armory. We have no chance if they make it before us" I say and she looks at us unsurely.
"Mom, you can't let them go" Ron says loudly and we all shush him.
"It's okay. Allen and I can do it. Lock the doors and don't come out" I say as they stare at us. I toss Jesse my gun over and she catches it. "You know how to shoot a gun?"
"No" she says almost panicking.
"You do now" I say before walking out with Allen behind me. We shoot a few others of them but soon have no amo left. The only one helping now is me, with my knives. I'll go get them later which isn't a good idea but I don't have any choice. I see Carol, Gabriel and Morgan in the distance when I also notice another one walking over to them but quietly. Quickly, I shoot the knife and he drops to the floor right infront of Morgan's feet.
"Where are your guns?" Carol asks.
"Empty" Allen and I both say at the same time before she hands us new ones. We're quick to leave again, my brother and I making a good team. We sneak up on them and kill another four of them when I notice the rest of them running. I watch Morgan trying to close the gate but I slip out after him as he shouts at me. These people won't get the chance to come back. Not after what they've done.
Without even thinking I lift my gun and shoot the running people, watching each of them fall to the floor one by one.
"What are you doing?" Morgan shouts at me.
"Doing what I have to do" I say before pushing past him and walking back inside the gates. The place is a mess. Lots of people have died today, lying on the street. They were helpless. They couldn't even help eachother or themselves. They didn't know how to fight. Slowly, each of the remaining residents start to walk out of their houses to see what damage is done. I take out my knives from the ones I have killed and put them back into my vest while stabbing every body into the head.
"What are you doing?" a woman asks me in shock.
"Preventing them from eating you tonight" I say calmly before keeping walking.
"Are you okay?" Maggie asks worried as she walks up to us with fast steps.
"We're fine" Allen says before she crashes into us and hugs us tightly. We hug her back before hugging Rosita too. She's not much of a fan of it but we do it either way.

It doesn't take long before Michonne and a few others come back, though without Glenn. Suddenly we hear Rick coming our way, at least a hundred walkers hot on his trail.
"Shit's going south now, huh?" Allen asks me as Rick runs inside and as they close the gates just in time.
"Definitely" I say, trying to calm myself down a bit. The last hour was crazy. We killed almost all of these scavengers or whatever they were but now we have a horde of walkers surrounding this place. Lovely.
Rick starts to walk over but I take this as my cue to leave. I have no strength to listen to one of his speeches again. So, I leave. I walk away and sit down infront of the pond. I rip some of the grass out and start ripping it apart with my fingers. They're all bloody, same for my arms. I have just killed about twenty people, minimum. There were so many of them. And I killed each of them without even the tiniest bit of guilt. I'm still waiting for it to hit me like a truck. Hitting me with 120m/h, hard and straight into the face but nothing happens. I don't feel anything for killing these people and that's what frightens me.
"You okay?" Michonne asks me, sitting down on the grass next to me.
"Yeah" I nod.
"You have to get that cut checked out" she says, meaning the cut on my cheek and I nod again.
"I know. I'll head over in a few minutes" I say, still not looking at her. It feels wrong to look at her in the state I'm in. With the feelings I have.
"You know, it's okay to feel guilty" she says, making me chuckle.
"That's the problem. I don't. I don't have any remorse for these people" I say, waiting for her to answer but she doesn't. When I look over, she seems deep in her thoughts. I wait for her to say anything, anything at all but nothing. I take that as my que to leave and get up and walk away.

On my way home, I spot Carl and Ron shoving eachother, making me groan. The two of them really don't like eachother. It's pretty obvious at that point.
"What the fuck's going on?" I ask but the both of them just keep shoving eachother until Carl pushes Ron to the ground. Ron coughs as I walk over, while Carl walks into the other direction.
"I'll tell your dad" Ron says, still lying on the floor. "He'll go out there to find you, then other people will, too. And then somebody's going to die"
This seems to have caught Carl's attention, as he stops moving and turns around to face Ron. "You saved my life and now I'm saving yours"
"What the hell is going on between you two?" I ask but Carl just glares at me for a moment before walking away. "Wow" I breathe out annoyedly before walking over to Ron who hasn't even attempted to get up as he just keeps staring at the sky.
"He wants to go over the wall" Ron says and my eyes widen.
"What? Why?"
"Enid" he says annoyedly, making me press my lips together in a thin line.
"Don't fucking tell me that she was that stupid to climb over the wall at a time like this?" I ask and Ron chuckles.
"Oh, yeah. She was and now Carl wants to go search for her"
I groan. "What an idiot"
Ron laughs. "That's what I keep saying"
"I'm going to talk to him," I say, looking into the direction where he walked before looking back at Ron. "Are you good?"
He sits up. "Are you good? You look... bloody"
I chuckle, folding my arms over my chest. "Yeah, I'm fine"
"Can you show me how to fight?" he asks and I look at him with a confused expression. I mean, I get it but why now. And plus, that kid doesn't look like a good fighter.
"Why?"
"Well, you saw why" he says and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah but why now? Why all of a sudden?"
He starts fidgeting with his fingers. "Does it matter?"
I look at him a bit sceptically before chuckling. "Not really, no"
He looks up at me with a hopefull expression. "Are you going to show me?"
I nod. "Yeah, I can"
A smile forms on his face. "Thanks, Alia"
"No problem" I say before I stretch my hand out for him to take. He grabs it and I help him up, our bodies suddenly oddly close. A breath gets caught in my throat as he chuckles nervously when we realize how close we are. Instinctively he takes a step back, making me chuckle.
"Do- Do you want to, uhm, do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he asks and I smile at how nervous he is.
"It's fine. Go home"
"Are you sure?" he asks me and I nod.
"Yeah, it's fine. Have been through worse" I say and he chuckles again befor nervously scratching his neck.
"Alright. I'll see you around then?" he asks and I nod.
"Sure" I say with a smile which he returns before I turn around and walk away.

I don't like Ron that way. At least not too much. I mean I like having him around and talking to him but nothing major. I don't have time for this. I'm only fifteen, I don't fucking need drama around here, especially not at a time like this. I'd love a chance to finally know what it's like to like someone that way but we're far away from that. We're only children and our priority right now has to be surviving.
Especially with that herd outside our walls.