Ephemeral - Alia Dixon

22

"Alia!" Henry shouts as he runs towards me.
I smile at the boy. "Whats up?"
"After this is over. Can you come to the Kingdom with us?"
I look at him with a baffled look. "What?"
He looks at me shily. "Well, you could live with us there"
I smile at him, putting an arm on his shoulder. "Henry, my family is in Alexandria and in Hilltop. I am going to stay here. I have to. But I'll definitely come visit you as much as I can"
He smiles. "I'd like that"
I smile back at him before I keep walking. Today is where we finish it. I hope Rick has read Carl's letter by now. 

I go back into the trailer and get ready, strapping my knives all over my body and into my jacket. My hair's up and I'd like to belive I'm ready. The wound looks better, too. Not very good but it's okay. It's still pitch black and grey but it's not hurting anymore and I haven't had a fever since yesterday afternoon. I really like to believe that that was it. That it's over now and that I get to live. Well, only after we kill the Saviors or at least take them over. 
And if I should die from the bullet, then I at least want to have helped the Hilltop, Alexandria and the Kingdom to finally get it done. I hope shit works out today. I really do. 

We start walking towards the point, spotting a huge herd on our way but we keep walking. We all hold up our guns as Negan's whistle is heard. 
"Well, look at that, Rick. Pegged again. Pegged so very hard. I ambushed your ambush with an even bigger ambush" Negan's voice is heard over a speaker. 
"How about you step out and face us?" Rick shouts.
"Oh, I am everywhere, Rick. Some more bullhorns, more walkers. Pick a direction to run. See how you do. Make it fun for all of us. Guess what else I did. I brought you some of your old friends. You remember your old buddy, Eugene? Well, he is the person that made today possible. Same goes for Dwighty boy here. In case you were wondering he didn't ream you on purpose. No, he is just a - a gutless nothing that sucks at life, and now he gets to stand up here and watch you all die, and he's gonna live with that. Gabriel, he got to go too. We're cleaning house today, Rick. And then, there's you. It never had to be a fight. You just had to accept how things are. So, here we go. Congratulations, Rick"
I watch out, turning around to spot people. But I don't. Negan starts counting as we nervously search for them. I blink sadly though as they surround us from afar. Hundreds of them have circled us, pointing their guns at us. I lower my gun and grab my brother's hand, holding it tightly.
"I love you, A" he says, making me smile through my tears.
"I love you too, A" I say before standing as straight as I can. I look over at my dad who nods at us. We nod back. 
This is it. Never thought I'd die like this. I always liked to think I'd die in a fight. Like a hero. Saving people. Well, at least I can die with the people I love.

Shots are heard and we watch as all of them drop to the ground, screaming in agony.
"Now!" Rick shouts and we move forward towards where Negan is. I start fighting the Saviors, killing two of them before I see Dwight in the distance. He looks like he's hurt, wearing one of the suits my dad was forced to wear when he was a prisoner there. He really didn't sell us out. He was trying to help us.
I run over to him, shooting one of the men that runs towards him. He looks at me surprisedly.
"You good?" I ask him.
"Yeah" he breathes out. I nod before moving forward to where the others are moving.
"Alia," he says and I turn towards him once again. "I'm sorry"
"Don't be" I say before running after the others. When I arrive there, I notice that Rick's not. My eyes widen. I start searching for his tracks, finding them alongside some blood. I move fast, through the middle of a few parked cars, seeing them down the hill behind some tree. I drop the gun and start running as fast as I can, noticing the glass in Rick's hand. 
"Rick, no!" I shout but it's too late. He has already cut his throat and I watch as Negan falls to the floor, bleeding. 
"Rick" I breathe out with tears as I arrive there. I look behind us, the people looking at me confusedly. Probably because they think I'm crying for Negan. I'm not. This is for Carl. 
"Rick" I say loudly, causing him to look at me and snap out of his trance. The glass falls to the ground and I nod at him. He nods back before turning around and looking at Seddiq. "Save him" he says and I let out a breath of relief. Maggie starts crying and screaming at Rick as we just all stare at him. I know for a fact that no one is agreeing with what he's doing. He's not even agreeing with it himself. 

On our way home, no one looks at me. No one dares to say a word, not even when we arrive back at the Hilltop. 
As soon as we're out of the car though, my dad looks at me angrily.
"Why did you do it?" he asks so loud, everyone turns around to listen to us. "Why would you save him? After everything they did to us. To you"
"I had to" I say quietly.
"What do you mean?" Allen asks me in a stern voice.
I sniffle. "It's what Carl wanted" I say, looking at them with a guilty expression. "Carl told me in his letter t- that he wants Negan to live. For us to start something new. Something real. And we're not able to do that when we kill him. He wanted me to help Rick that, if he started to think about killing him,  to h- help him remember who he is. Who we all are. C- Carl wanted it that way. It was his last wish. I - I couldn't just not do it"
Allen holds me tightly as I sob into his chest, while everyone looks at me with either disgust out sympathy. 
"What about Glenn and Abraham?" my dad asks.
"You really think Glenn would've wanted him dead? Glenn let Nicholas live after he killed Noah. He even helped him. Glenn wouldn't have wanted Negan dead and you all know it!" I say loudly before rushing towards my trailer.

I close the door behind me loudly before sliding down the wall next to it. 

I don't know if I did the right thing. Negan should be dead for what he has done, for how many people he has killed. But Carl wanted him alive and he wanted me, Rick and the others to remember who we really are. And you know what? We are not like Negan and we're going to show that. We all had to hurt because of Negan, some more than others. But we need to show everyone that there's still hope out there. Hope for us all to still be the same and to still show civilisation. Killing Negan wouldn't have brought back anyone and now he's going to have a lot of time to think about it. To think about what he has done and what he has caused us. 

This is a fresh and new start.

Our chance to start the New World. 

With Negan Smith still in it, as bad as it may sounds.

I love you Carl. I hope you are happy. Wherever you are.