Ephemeral - Alia Dixon

17

"Come on. The others are here" Enid says as she walks into the trailer. I've been laying here for the past two days, not really doing anything. I've been in a lot of pain but at least it's better today. 

"Coming" I say as she already walks outside again to greet the others. Slowly I get up and start moving towards the door. The sun greets me happily, making me question if I really want to go outside right now. I spot the others from a bit further away already, seeing that they've brought the RV. Allen looks at me with a smile and I watch as it quickly fades again.
"Are you okay?" he asks loudly, causing the others to look too. All of them look at me with shocked faces.
"What happened?" Rick asks and I watch as my dad pulls him and the others aside while I talk to my brother. He walks up to me and hugs me tightly, making me wince as my face accidentaly makes contact with his shirt.
"Sorry" he mumbles quietly, letting go of me again. A tear rolls down my face as I look him into the eyes.
"You okay?"
I nod. "Sort of"
"Want to tell me what happened?" he asks as I steal a glance at where the others are standing. A few of them look furious which makes me pretty sure that he has told them what happened.
"Long story short, killed someone and Simon made Dwight cut my face off" 
My brother's eyes widen. "What? Why did you kill someone again?"
"We were all hiding and he had seen dad. He was about to tell the others so I killed him and took the blame"
His eyes soften as a sad smile forms on his face before he pulls me into a hug again. 
Without saying anything I get into the RV and take a seat while everyone else gets ready to go. 
Michonne and Tara sit down on either side of me.
"You look shitty" Tara commets, making me grin which causes a silent wave of pain to rush trough me.
"I know" I say. I hadn't had the courage to look into the mirror since it happened. I didn't want to see what he had done to me. I had avoided every possibility to see myself through a reflection like the plague.
"But you okay? You wanna talk about it?" Michonne asks me but I shake my head.
"Nah, it's okay" I say, pressing my lips into a firm line before lowering my gaze. I turn my head to see who else's walking in, noticing Carl and Enid joining us too. Carl smiles at me sympathetically and I nod at him once. 

We spend the next few hours preparing for something. Apparently we're driving to another community to ask for weapons or people. Oceanside, that's what it's called. I doubt they'll just give them to us or whatever but at least it's worth a try.

I try to argue with Rick about his plan but he doesn't seem to care. He's set on what we're doing. So, I reluctantly take the gun they gave me and hold it up, aiming it infront of me. Same for the others. I'm the last one walking around, making sure everyone's safe and that no one got hurt. I stop though as I hear whimpering somewhere inside a house. With my senses on high alert I slowly make my way inside, clearing every possible entrance and room before following the sounds. I'm prepared for anything and hoping nobody will send a punch towards me. I'm not sure if my face'll survive this. I've noticed that a few smaller spots all over the right side of my face are numb and that I'm not feeling anything there. I can still move them but I feel nothing. 
I slowly open a door to find a little girl crouched down on the floor. She's hardly two years old and looks at me with a frightened look. Quickly, I lower my weapon and put it away.
"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay" I say, slowly stalking over as she looks at me with frightened eyes. "I'm not here to hurt you. Nobody's getting hurt today. Okay? Where's your mom?" I ask crouching down to her.
She sniffles once. "Mommy gone"
"Come here" I say, carefully picking her up into my arms. I put her weight onto my hip and hold one arm around her steadily while taking my gun into the other hand. 
"I'll bring you to your mommy" I say with a soft smile as I begin to walk towards where the others are. 

"Mommy!" the kid shouts loudly, making me chuckle as everyone's heads turn towards the two of us. 
"Steph!" a woman shouts as the kid starts running over to her, making me smile softly. The two of them hug tightly before the woman looks at her, examining her for wounds. "Where did you found her?"
"She was sitting alone in a house and I heard her crying, so I took her here" I say as the woman looks at me carefully. I can tell that she's trying to see who I am. What kind of person I am. 
Only now I realize that someone is holding a gun to Tara's head. I narrow my eyes as Rick and her start their shouting fight again. I listen for a bit longer until I notice a few walkers coming our way. My eyes widen though as I realize it's not just a few. It's a fucking lot. 
"Children behind us!" Rick shouts loudly as we all get into line and I point my gun at a few heads. A few of the Oceansiders join us as we start killing the walkers. I hit a few, all of them falling to the ground almost immediately before we've killed all of them. Slowly, we turn around to face Oceanside again. Only now I notice that there are only woman. Rick shakes a woman's hand before the older one starts blabbing again.
"No. We're not fighting them with you. So take your damn guns and go" she says as she walks away, making me roll my eyes at her stubborness.