Dementophobia • tyler joseph •

prologue // it's time to say goodbye

--Tyler's P.O.V--

I found it hard to move. It was like every limb in my body was cut off from circulation. Every step I took physically pained me, but I had no choice.

"Tyler," Mrs. Eva cooed from beside me, her hand on my shoulder, leading me through the maze of hallways. "I know this hard for you, but you need to move on."

Never once in my life have I hated someone with every fiber of my being. Mrs. Eva would be proud to know that she was the very first. She would be proud to know that I was actually feeling something for once.

Little did she know, I've felt something the whole six months I was here. I felt something that I would never share with anyone, not even Josh.

"Tyler," the dark haired women's voice repeated, "you're going to be okay."

I hated being talked to like I was a child by someone that had to be about ten years older than me. That was one thing that I wasn't going to miss about this place. Every time someone used the little kid voice on me, I had the urge to break something. My anger would just build and build until I couldn't contain it anymore. Luckily, I was always by myself when my anger finally spilled over.

I jerked my arm away from her touch, running my hands through my dark hair, a nervous habit that I had picked up.

Thankfully, a heavy silence stayed between us. I was never good with silence. My thoughts always ran away from me, but this time, silence was on my side.

We soon reached the main lounge area where some of the early risers were watching television. A few eyes turned towards me, surprised to see me only in the company of Mrs. Eva.

My luggage was all packed and sitting next to the entrance. I was surprised to see my parents already talking to the counselor outside, happy looks upon their faces. To them, this was a happy day. Their son was finally coming home after six months. They deserved to be happy today.

I honestly just wanted to disappear. I didn't want to be here, but at the same time, I did. This place was my home for six months and now I was just supposed to leave just like everyone else. I was one of the patients that had the shortest time here. Most people spent at least a year or so here.

Lyrics from a very familiar U2 song popped into my head although I preferred Paramore's cover.

I can't believe the news today. Oh, I can't close my eyes and make it go away.

It wasn't like I could close my eyes and pretend this wasn't happening. I knew sooner or later I would be released. I just didn't think it would be today. I wish it wasn't today. Oh, what a Bloody Sunday.

Mrs. Eva grabbed my shoulders, making me turn to face her. "Tyler, you need to understand that everything you are going through right now will soon disappear. You will no longer feel angry or depressed. Everyone here knows how to do their job and their job is to make sure you and everyone else here gets better. Some people get better faster than others, some even stay here most of their lives."

She must have noticed that she hit a sensitive spot because she became flustered. "You know that I didn't mean it that way, Tyler. I just mean that some people don't ever get better and you can't just keep waiting around for something that may never happen. Go out and live your life. You'll do much better away from here."

That was a lie. Everyone could get better. They were getting better by just staying alive, but they needed someone to believe and support them to actually make noticeable progress.

"Don't be mad at me, Tyler. I only want what's best for you."

I gave her one of my best fake smiles, one that showed all my teeth. "Well, I could be angry, but you're not worth the fight. I don't think badly of you, well, occasionally I do. It's nothing personal. I really don't think I'm angry anymore. Sometimes I am though. It actually depends on the day, the extent of all my worthless rage."

The words just flowed from my mouth and little did she know that I was using Paramore lyrics to respond. I was not going to risk using my own words because that definitely wouldn't end well. Besides, during these last six months, I learned to love Paramore.

Mrs. Eva sighed, putting a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "Sometimes I wonder how you form thoughts without confusing yourself, Tyler because you sure confuse me."

Stop using my name in every sentence you use.

"I do not want to leave," I growled.

Mrs. Eva pulled me into a hug. "I am so sorry, Tyler. You just can't stay here anymore. Your family misses you, they want you home. Think of all the things you've missed."

Think of the things you missed.

That was the last thing I wanted to do.

"You promised me that you wouldn't leave."

I turned my head towards the extremely quiet voice, my heart filling with dread.

Her blonde hair was sticking up all over the place, her blue eyes wide, making the freckles stand out against her skin. The oversized grey T-shirt she was wearing hung down to her knees and her purple plaid pajama pants hung off her hips. She was barefoot, but I could barely see her light pink toenails because of the fabric covering them.

"Chocolate, don't do this," I pleaded as I cautiously stepped towards the girl in front of me.

She looked so tiny as I looked her up and down. Sixteen years of age and she was only 5'1" and only had to weigh about hundred and ten pounds.

Tears dripped down her cheeks and a pang of misery hit my heart. I never wanted to do this to her. I never wanted to cause her pain.

"Here's your hoodie," she sniffled, throwing my skeleton hoodie at my chest. "I always knew you would freaking leave me. You've already done it multiple times before!"

Confusion filled my features as she slowly stepped back, tripping on her long pajama pants.

Mrs. Eva grabbed my arm, pulling me back. "She's not stable, Tyler. That's why I wanted this to happen as quickly as possible. I wanted you to be gone by the time she woke up."

I clenched my hands into fists, slowly counting to ten before speaking. "How would that be better? I'd still be gone."

"It would be better because you wouldn't have to see it," she whispered.

I kept my eyes level with the blonde girl in front of me. "I never left you, Chocolate. I would never do that."

The grey fabric of her T-shirt was bunched into her fist as she watched me warily.

"I don't like you anymore." My heart fell. "I don't want to talk to you."

I watched as she stepped back once more before rounding the corner and fleeing.

The last thing I saw of her was a strand of pale blonde hair.

"Tyler," Mrs. Eva told me softly. "It's time for you to go. You're attracting attention."

I heard the front door open as the counselor here, Mr. Baker, entered the lobby.

"Tyler, are you ready to go? Your parents are ready."

Mrs. Eva breathed a sigh of relief, glad that another person was here to help her. "Jack, I'll help Tyler. You need to go help Miss Akehurst."

Understanding dawned on Mr. Baker's face. He smiled at me before jogging in the direction of the girls' rooms.

I swear when he passed me, he whispered something that sounded like I'm sorry, but I didn't care.

Nobody here was sorry.

Except me. I was sorry I had to leave her.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this part. It is only the prologue, so things will become easier to follow in the later chapters.

This beautiful cover was made by Sharpicle!
-L.A