Dementophobia • tyler joseph •

four // i'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly

It felt weird to be dressed and not wrapped in a blanket. Going outside felt even weirder to me. Honestly, the whole hanging out with Tanner thing was strange itself.

I didn't understand why he all the sudden wanted to hang out with me, but at least I was getting out of house. The stares were still going to make me feel ashamed of myself, but I couldn't just hide away for the rest of my life no matter how much I desperately wanted to. That would land me right back in the mental asylum.

"So what exactly are we going to do?" I asked Tanner as I buckled myself into his black Jeep.

Tanner adjusted his mirrors before responding. "Well, I have to stop by Brighton (random college name) and pick a few things up first. I thought we could maybe go to Dairy Queen afterwards just like we did when we were kids."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I didn't know you were attending Brighton? School only ended a month ago, Tanner. How did you get accepted already and aren't classes supposed to start in like September?"

Tanner chuckled as he slowly pulled out of my driveway. I tried to ignore the fact that my mother was watching us from the porch the entire time.

"I graduated last year, Courtney. Remember? I'm one year older than you and your friends."

My cheeks instantly became red and I honestly felt guilty. I didn't show up for Tanner's graduation. I didn't even remember that he wasn't in my grade.

He noticed my silence. "Courtney, really, don't worry about it. You had a lot going on in your life. I didn't expect you to show up at my graduation when you were three hours away from here. So don't sweat it, okay? My graduation really wasn't that eventful, but at least I left that hellhole."

Tanner rubbed his neck which I noticed he did when he was embarrassed or uncomfortable. "But I have to get a few things that I left in my dorm before one of the office workers threatensto throw them away."

I nodded, pulling the sleeves of my black Paramore self-titled sweatshirt over my hands to keep them warm. Lately, I've been freezing cold for no apparent reason. It was the middle of summer and I was acting like it was below zero outside.

"Do you any albums in here that I can look through?" I asked.

"I have a ton!" Tanner exclaimed, "they are in the console!"

I slowly lifted up the black console before grabbing at least ten CD's.

Tanner and I had a similar music taste, but I wasn't in the mood for most of them. I just hoped there was something that caught my eye. A ride of silence with my former crush was not pleasing.

Finally, after pulling out countless, random CD's, I found one that I actually felt like listening to.

The case popped open and I quickly slipped Owl City's Ocean Eyes into Tanner's radio.

His eyes lit up much to my surprise. I figured that this CD wasn't high up on his favorite list based on how many more he had in his possession.

"Owl City is my jam!" He cheered.

I laughed and it felt so foreign to me. Laughing wasn't something I did often. I wasn't used to it.