Back To You // T.K

Pearl/Tom

Translation at the end of the chapter.

Pearl

I shut Alec's office door behind me with a loud thud that was probably heard by the crowd standing a few feet away from us.
I didn't care if they heard it or not, though, I was too mad.
Who did Tom think he was to say those things to me?
When I saw him after months of being apart, I felt the usual adrenaline that I lacked so much.
An adrenaline that drugs, boxing and sports cars couldn't give me, - only Tom could.
I was scared and anxious to see him, but I was happy, - truly happy.
That was until he opened his mouth and spat out all of the reasons why I left Los Angeles, basically blaming me for everything.
I had to admit that I wasn't innocent: it was my fault for taking drugs, my fault for getting with Christian, - I wasn't naive and I knew when to take accountability for my own mistakes.
But Tom wasn't just pissed, he was beyond cruel, and I couldn't accept that the person who had told me those things was the same one who would've killed for me, had I asked him.

Alec followed me in his office and watched as I paced around his desk and tried to calm down.
My fingernails dug so deep into my skin that I provoked myself a little cut on my left palm, but I didn't care.
I was still thinking about Tom, the evil tone in his voice and the pain in his eyes, - or at least I thought it was pain.
I wasn't sure he felt anything towards me other than hate anymore, but I remembered one of the tattoos I saw on him.
A tree with its leafs falling on the ground was tattooed on the back of his hand, - the same one I had on my arm.
I was asking myself if he had lost his sanity by tattooing my tattoo, before he opened his mouth and talked.

I finally managed to calm myself down and sat on Alec's desk, staring at the wall ahead of me and trying to get Tom's words out of my head, though I obviously couldn't.
Everything he had said to me over all of the years I'd known him always stuck with me, the good and the bad.

'You okay?', Alec asked me as he walked to me.
He didn't sound particularly concerned, but Alec was never concerned about anything, - he always thought life was too short to worry.
I would have loved to have the same mindset as him, but I couldn't bring myself not to think and not to worry.

'Does it look like I am?', I replied, coldly.
To my surprise, he laughed as if I had just told him the most hilarious joke he had ever heard.

'You find this funny, huh?', I raised an eyebrow, offended by his reaction.
Being careless is one thing, being a total dick is another.

'A little', he said, a smile still on his lips, 'I didn't imagine him looking like that.'

'He used to look different', I said, once again staring at the wall, 'less intimidating, I guess'

'Oh, princess', he took a strand of my hair and twirled it in his fingers, 'he looks a hell of a lot of things to me, but intimidating is not at the top of my list.'

I shifted my gaze from the wall to Alec, who was still smiling.
His smile was his best feature, in all honesty, - it made him look like a little kid, in the most genuine way possible.

'Well, what does he look like to you then?', I asked him as I tilted my head to the side.

'Like a douchebag', he said, and took my face in his hands, 'who doesn't know how to treat a woman.'

He began kissing my cheeks, moving to my neck right away.
I closed my eyes and enjoyed his kisses on my skin, which were soft in comparison to the harsh words I had just heard Tom say.

'A little boy whose world crumbles when he meets a woman who is so much stronger than him', his kisses continued, soft and slow.
Although his words flattered me, I wasn't sure if I believed in them.
I had overcame  a lot of things, but still a part of me felt like I didn't do enough for myself and for the people around me.
And when Tom told me Christian was in jail a huge wave of relieve floated in my stomach, followed by a strong sense of guilt.
If I had enough courage to put him behind bars first, he wouldn't have hit another woman, - Tom was right about that, it was my fault and it would have always been.