Back To You // T.K

Pearl

A whole month had already passed since I went back to L.A., - things were perfect.
I transferred back to law school, I helped Tom and the band whenever they needed me, and I helped Jocy  plan the wedding in my free time.
Her ideas were clear: she wanted to get married in June, on the beach, and she wanted it as big as possible.
Bill, on the other hand, didn't care that much, - he just wanted to marry her, whatever she had in mind was fine with him.

'So', Jocy said as she sat next to me on the bed.
'What do you think about this dress?'

She showed me her laptop, but before I could say anything a loud noise came from downstairs: Tom's guitar.
I always found that sound relaxing, but me and Jocy had been working on this wedding all morning, and the guys screaming and playing for hours didn't exactly help.

I sighed and got off the bed, Jocy following behind me.
Normally I would've hated interrupting their rehearsals, but they had been playing, yelling and arguing for the past four hours and I couldn't take it anymore.
Me and Jocy walked downstairs where we found Gustav arguing with Bill about one of their songs.
Tom was rubbing his temples with his fingers, - clearly as fed up as me, - while Georg crossed his arms to his chest as he tried to calm Gustav down.

'Guys', I said, as Tom turned to me, - he was the only one who heard my voice.

'Hey baby', he smiled, looking somewhat relieved that I could save him from Gustav.

'What is going on?', I asked him, but before he could answer Gustav finally stopped yelling and turned to me as well.

'We're kind of working, Pearl. It'd be great if you girls could just leave us alone', he shouted, throwing one of his sticks on the ground.

'Gustav, what the fuck is up with you?', Tom asked him, as he carefully placed his guitar on the couch, 'you know better than talking to my girl that way.'

'You're talking like you never shouted in a girl's face before', Gustav provoked him, but before Tom could react the only way he knew how to react to situations, - fighting -, I grabbed his arm and stopped him.
Gustav was the sweetest boy I had ever met, - he never insulted anyone unless he had a reason to, he was always patient, kind and gentle with everyone.
I figured that if he was acting up something must have happened to him.

'Gustav, are you okay?', I asked him, and he finally seemed to calm down.
'You're not acting like yourself.'

He looked around at everyone single one of us, before he sat down on the couch and took a big breath, - his eyes focused on his hands and his right knee bouncing up and down.

'I'm sorry', he said, 'I'm sorry Pearl, and I'm sorry to all of you guys for my behaviour. You're right, I'm not acting like myself today.'

'Did something happen?', Georg asked him, while Gustav slightly nodded.

'Bailey is pregnant.'

I looked to Tom, unsure of what to say.
Bailey was Gustav's girlfriend, and they had been together for years, but judging by Gustav's reaction her pregnancy wasn't exactly a positive thing.

'Congratulations', Tom spoke, 'I think.'

Gustav shook his head as a couple of tears started falling from his eyes.

'She doesn't want to keep it', he said, 'and trust me, I understand. We're young, she's still not done with school and she simply doesn't want it now, I get it.
I could never, ever force her to keep it because I know it will destroy us both, but I can't stop thinking about it.'

Tom sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, - if there was someone who could understand Gustav was him, and Bill as well, but when Jocy told me about her abortion months before she made me promise not to tell anyone.
When I had my abortion, I thought I would've felt guilty, crushed, and it hurt me to think that I didn't.
I knew my time would've came, but a baby with Tom while we were broken up and I was still using drugs wouldn't have solved any of our problems, so the only thing I felt was relief.
I felt ashamed of it sometimes, but it wasn't fair to force myself to do something I wasn't ready to do, - not for me, not for the baby, not for Tom.