Back To You // T.K

Pearl/Tom

Pearl

Time passed, but my body didn't move an inch from the chair.
Seconds turned to minutes, then to hours, and before I knew it had spent my entire afternoon and early evening staring at the letter for so long that the words didn't look like words anymore, - it was just ink splattered on a white piece of paper.
I tried to pinch myself a few times, hoping that I was just dreaming and I would've woken up soon, but I never did.
The realisation of what I had read never fully sunk in, but I was sure I wasn't allucinating.
I couldn't stand up, I couldn't eat or drink, - it felt like my soul, my heart left my body, and all that was left of me was an empty, emotionless shell.
I stared at the wall in front of me, as if it could give me the answers I needed.
I was begging to feel something, - grief, sadness, relief, - but I didn't, I couldn't feel anymore.
The only way I knew I was alive was because I felt my heart beating, - the only thing I could've heard in that quiet room.

I read the letter once again, but it still didn't feel real to me.
Confusion, mixed with guilt and a shameful hint of happiness, maybe that was what I was feeling, but I wasn't sure.
I wasn't sure of anything anymore, I felt like the only piece of my old self I had left in my life crumbled.

With my hands shaking, I took the phone in my hands and started to scroll through the numbers I had saved.
I was still mad at him, and wasn't proud about what I was about to do, but I knew I needed him, and he was the only one who could've helped me.

I tapped on his number and put the phone on speaker, waiting for him to answer.
I held the letter in my hands and watched as some of the ink smudged from the tears.
Waiting for Tom to answer made me feel anxious, angry and heartbroken all at the same time, - at least I was able to feel something.

After a full minute, he finally picked up, even though I could've told from his tone that he wasn't happy to hear my voice.

'What', he asked harshly, his voice low and hard to hear because of the loud music playing on the background.
Just as I imagined, he went out as soon as we had a minor complication, - the only way he knew in to cope with his feelings, alcohol and clubs.

'Where are you?', I asked, almost scared of my own low, hoarse voice.
I didn't sound human anymore at that point.

'Nowhere you need to worry about', he replied, 'why did you call me?'

'Can we talk?', I asked.

'What are you doing?', a female voice said on the background, which caused my heart to ache even more.
That was why I called him, why I needed him, - I wanted him to hurt me bad enough to forget what was written on that letter.

'Are you with someone?', I calmly asked, already knowing the answer to my own question.

'What do you need, Pearl?', he said, ignoring my question.

'I know you're mad, and I don't want to bother you', I took a deep breath and tried to get all the confused thoughts I had out of my mouth, 'something happened, something bad, I just needed-'

'No', he cut me off, 'see, this is my problem with you. It's always about you, what you need and when you need it, isn't it?'

'Tom, listen to-'

'No, you listen', he cut me off once again, raising his voice, 'I'm tired of these games, of you always demanding something when you need it and not giving a single fuck about my needs. I don't care about what the fuck happened, I'm sure you can figure it out without me, the same way you always fucking did. You have Alec at the end of the day, don't you?'