Back To You // T.K

Tom

6.00 A.M.

The sun was barely up when I entered the gym.
I tried to sleep, but I kept on waking up because of my nightmares: images of Christian and Pearl kept me up for the past week, - I just wanted one night of sleep, just one.
I always calmed down when I felt Pearl's arms wrapping around me, but whenever she moved away in her sleep it felt like my sanity moved away as well.
It wasn't fair for her to carry that kind of responsibility, but for the time being I just needed time.
Time to stop feeling so guilty about it, and time to understand what I would've done with Christian.

I turned the lights on and looked around for a bit, before walking to the punching bag and starting to hit it as hard as I could, - it didn't feel as freeing as I hoped it would have, but it was better to work out than to end up in jail.
Left, right, right, left, - I kept on punching it until my knees almost gave in and I couldn't breathe anymore.
I sat down on a nearby bench and took a sip of water, as I rested my elbows on my knees, looking at the floor.

I could already feel those images coming back to mind, until I heard a noise coming from the kitchen.
Rationally, I knew it could've been Pearl, - maybe I woke her up with my workout.
I knew it couldn't have been him: I fixed the alarm system, I hired bodyguards to watch over the property and call me if they saw anything, - it couldn't be him.
Irrationally, though, I felt my blood freezing: I stared at the door and waited to see him, ready to smash his head on the ground if I had to.
My vision almost went black, my hands were already in front of my face and ready to fight, but then I saw her.
Messy hair, sleepy eyes, dark circles surrounding her eyelids and indicating that she hadn't been able to sleep just as much as me.
Her image was a dream come true.

I immediately lowered my hands and waited for her to walk to me.
Among all of the things going wrong with my life, she was the only good one.
She walked right into my arms and wrapped her hands around my back, her head resting on my chest.
I ran my fingers through her hair and inhaled her scent, - I could already feel my body coming out of fight or flight mode.
She was the only one who could've made me calm in between all that chaos.

'Hi baby', she whispered, her voice low, 'what are you doing up so early?'

'I could ask you the same', I replied, as she lifted her head and looked straight into my eyes, - her eyes were so pure.

'You couldn't sleep, could you?', she asked, 'did you have another nightmare?'

I closed my eyes and sighed, as I walked away from her and sat back on the bench.
Of course I had a nightmare, I just didn't want to pin that on her, - I didn't want her to feel like she had to fix me, it wasn't fair and she didn't deserve it.
Either way, she was the only one who could fix me anyway.
What a cruel world.

'Yeah', I finally replied, while she sat next to me and put an hand on my shoulder.

'Why didn't you wake me up?'

'Because I didn't want to bother you, it's not your job to make me feel better', I said, my knee bouncing up and down from the anxiety I was feeling.

'Why shouldn't it be?', she asked, - I could see her smiling from the corner of my eye, 'you put all of yourself into making me happy, I want to do the same.'

I finally turned around and took in all of her beauty.
I took her hand and brought her knuckles to my lips, gently kissing them while I rubbed her palm.

'I love you', I whispered.

'I love you', she replied.

We stood there for a couple of minutes, just staring at each other and silently reassuring each other.
She then moved a little closer to me, then a little more, until she fully sat on my lap, her hands wrapped around my neck.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, - that was just what I needed.
She didn't talk, but she leaned forward and put her lips on my neck, leaving a few wet and slow kisses on my skin.
I bit my bottom lip and fisted her hair, needy for more of this, for more of her, - I needed to feel her, at least that would've made me feel a bit better.
Her head started to lower, but just when she was about to get on her knees to please me another image flashed my eyes: Christian standing behind her, touching her back and pulling her hair.