It's Hard To Be Holy

EP. 66: Chapter X (Cont'd)

Coarse and Offensive Language. Sexual Content. Reader Discretion Advised.

The first thrust separated Bud from his body and forced his head upwards. It had hurt before in those days long ago, and the discomfortable pressure was no different than it had been, but he was changed. He was different. He wanted more intelligently, and he was grown, able finally to accept roughness with pleasure. For pain is the strongest aphrodisiac known to man, and Bud knew pain, had wrestled with it all his life, until he'd finally conquered—fallen in love with it. Pain is power, pain is pleasure, pain is potent. The risk of it, the touch of it in you, inflicted, taken, and if you can survive it—Godly! For pain subsides when pleasures overwhelm, and pressures become desirable; and then, towering and trembling and waiting for release, then you are as close to God as is ever possible.

But pain is memory too! Pain is hidden. Pain is deep. Pain, when released, cannot be caged again. Nothing can forestall its cutting path. If not kept under guard, it will rampage!

And from the depths, grunting thrust after thrust, Alfonso Ignatius (the Second) heard his creature of pain cry: 'Burn! All shall burn!'

Bud raised his head higher and caught his reflection in the scarred mirror. He did not recognize himself. He did not recognize his world. He did recognize...

...recognize...

...re...

...Everything was losing its meaning, and there were strange things

four by four with wings on the air and branches giggling at him

branches giggling and gossiping

branches? Trees! Trees in the air. They were flying like

gulls on the air

Gulls!

Mr. Professor, lost in his own imagination, thrust as deeply into Bud as he could wedge himself.

This is 

this is

nice

and so

so

strange

focus

He tried to focus

Gulls!

Always the gulls. One gull it had been, omnipotent and floating above.

And the mirror had a face! An old face and Bud's face and different and familiar and friendly and knowledgeable and everywhere and had all the answers and had all the time and did not shame and did not patronize and loved all and loved him and cared for him and told him

there was water

i must swim

too cold for a swim

the specter was dead

good

he cared

what's happening to me

mr professor was singing now and bud just stared and was motionless floating away—away—far away

focus!

i will always be here i will never abandon you

im not worried

you can be better than what

and high high above the world he prayed to the gull wheeling on air

with eyes peeled in mournful knowledge it fluttered and cawed