It's Hard To Be Holy

EP. 80: Chapter VI (Cont'd) - Danny McKeen's Diaries

Coarse, Offensive, and Racist Language. Reader Discretion Advised

09/06/75 (Cont'd)

—So after Bobby gets arrested I did not have anything to do. I hung out in front of the school for a bit but I did not want to be with the intruders no more without Bobby.

Mrs. Fitz gets on the horn and says that we gonna stay here and wait and keep up the energy. But I did not want to wait.

I went back across the street and this time the police did not try and stop me. They seemed like they did not got much to do now that the fighting was done. And I kept thinking is this it? When are we gonna fight again? I did not want to fight again but it felt like we did not really get nothing done.

I stayed in the courtyard for a bit. Nobody was going home or nothing. Everyone kind of felt like I did. We wanted more. People started chanting and singing but it was not as interesting now nothing was going on. I kept wondering if it was gonna be like this every day? It is like when they and we was tugging back and forth on Bobby. The cops were not gonna back down because they're cops. And we was not gonna back down because we are from St. Greg's. But also I kept thinking that the judge was not looking like he was gonna back down ever because he did not in Southie so I dunno why he would do here? And then the niggers was already here so I guess you could say maybe we already lost? If nobody is gonna back down that means to me that somebody is gonna have to. But it cannot be them because like Mrs. Fitz says they got all the power but it cannot be us because we are St. Greg's!

I really wanted to ask Mrs. Fitz about what the plan was because from where I am looking it did not work. I was hurting bad from the beating and everything and started to shiver again now that everything was calming down.

My head really hurt and it was not because of getting it cracked with the stick or nothing. I wanted my stuff. Shivers was getting bad. I started to think maybe while we wait I would go up and take a little more. It did not matter now that Bobby was arrested. He could not yell at me. No one would know.

So that is what I did! Snuck back upstairs and locked myself in my room. Ma was asleep in front of the TV which was doing her soaps. She missed the whole thing!! But I still locked my door. I always do because sometimes Ma just comes in without knocking. Ever since she saw me jerking off I lock it now.

I took my dose which was all I had left. More than half that I had been taking last few days but I needed more. I was hurting that bad! Took it between my big and long toes because my arms are shit. Cannot find much left there even when I let it go for a few days. But I took too much because I passed the fuck out. Right out! It was so nice.

I dunno if it is a good thing when I woke up when I did. I would have been happy out the rest of the day and if I had stayed out I probably would not have been arrested.
But I woke up and I got up and right away I could hear really loud screaming outside. I looked at my clock and I thought shit because it was 330 which means school must have been letting out. I could see a whole load of people down in the courtyard all hanging about. Real pissed off. Pointing and shouting and I thought they was shouting at the niggers again. So I got down there as fast as I could.

I knew I took too much stuff because I was not moving too good. And everything was still going a bit wacky. Like I could not really focus.

But I get outside and first thing I realize is there is smoke everywhere. And it smells really bad. Like acid or burning shit and people is all running about like crazy. They was bent over at the waist and they were not running anywhere but side to side like they was chickens. So at first I think shit I am still loopy.