It's Hard To Be Holy

EP. 71: Part III: Scherzo Fall 1975/Chapter I

Coarse and Offensive Language. Reader Discretion Advised.

St. Gregory's Parish, Center of the Center of the (fucking) World, was in turmoil, and there was nothing that could be done about it. Denial had failed them, and now the war drums were beating a loud and encroaching tattoo. Inevitability, a slow and constant foe, approached with a grim face. It'd begun many, many years before, but they'd all looked away. They'd shielded their eyes and turned their cheeks, and went on in their happy ignorance. It was true, the graveyard had filled exponentially in recent times, but old people die, and weak people have no use in fantasy, so there was nothing to concern the good and true St. Gregorites. Their lives, their world would remain just as it always had been. History had yet to fail them. Through thick and thin, they'd endured and survived. There was nothing that the present or the future had to offer that gave them pause. They would outlast the assuredness of time. It was, the people knew, their lot in life. Their fate—and fate was always on their side. Something would come. Something would distract them—save them! Something always saved them.

Three days after the Conquering of Bud, Mr. William Buckley, who had long ago—ruefully!—accepted the sobriquet of BB, rang the doorbell of Apartment 33 with news to tell. He, unlike many of the residents, (and visitors), of the Carr household did not blast his way inside, but rather, once Alan had opened the door, shoved the young man aside and breathlessly insisted: 

'Get Colin! I've a story!'

'A story?!' came Colin from the kitchen, for 'news' really meant 'gossip'. 'Come in then BB! Don't hold back, that's how the cancer gets ya. Get it off your chest now. What news?!'
BB went pattering past Alan, into the kitchen, where he leaned on the wall and fanned himself with a delicate and dainty wave of his hand. 'What a day, Colin. What a day—no, I couldn't!' he said, shaking away the offering of early afternoon whiskey. 'No...no, too early for—well, maybe just a drop...' and he took the bottle and suckled on the lip. 'Ahhh! What a day! Ahhhh...a day!'

'What happened to ya?!'

'I dunno...strangest thing ya ever did see, Colin! Strangest thing...I don't know how to speak of it,' and then, with the very next breath, BB proceeded to speak of it:

'So! Ya know how I like to go for m'walks? I've gotta have m'walks, otherwise I'm a right mess without 'em. And I was thinkin' today, 'cause of the heat—maybe I won't walk, 'cause I went out yesterday, and I burned the top of my head—see look!—and I've been meanin' to get a new hat. Ya know what happened to the last one—sure ya do, Bud!—well, when ya get to my age, ya'll learn the importance of a hat in this weather—Anyways, so I haven't got m'hat yet, but I says to m'self, I says, 'burns are better than bein' cooped up, right, Bill?' 'Right,' I say back to m'self in agreement like—what's wrong with answer your question, Bud?!—So! Out I go, and ya know, it's not so bad an afternoon. Nice sea breeze. I dunno if ya've been out today—Ya haven't? Well, ya both should try if ya can. It's awful hot in here, and that breeze, I'm tellin' ya, it's a nice one. Ya can't even smell what they was doin' to them tires the other night—Anyways! Everyone was exceptionally friendly down Bailey Road today, and I'm always friendly—aye, ya know that's true. I'm always friendly, no point in bein' unfriendly in this day and age. Sure, ya don't know who ya might cross—So I run into Louise Fitzgerald—where there are several Louises, Bud! No harm in callin' someone by there full name to clarify—Anyways! I run into Louise, and she's sellin' her wears like she's been doin' past couple months—ah, now Colin, don't call her that. Lady lost her children. I think it's a healthy thing that she's found somethin' to do with her life. That said, it weren't pamphlets she was handin' out today. Thankfully, I have enough of those at home. Today, she had buttons—Aye, buttons. Stop interruptin', Bud—Yes it has to do with the story, so be quiet and just listen...where was I—It's a figure of speech, I know where I was!—As I was sayin'. Buttons! And Louise, she corners me like, ya know? Yes, with the buttons.