It's Hard To Be Holy

EP. 78: Chapter VI - Danny McKeen's Diaries

Coarse, Offensive, and Racist Language. Reader Discretion Advised.

The modern history of St. Gregory's was recorded first by the least likely of the parishioners. He might not have been the smartest man, academically or otherwise, and he did speak with cartoonishly stupid inflections, but in the 16 volumes of his journals, written between his 12th birthday and the day before he took his own life in the courtyard of Curly's, Danny McKeen proved himself an invaluable historian.

[The following sections have been edited for spelling clarity.]

09/06/75
—First day of busing!! Came up early this morning because I had a bad case of the shivers. Need to keep a better schedule. Ma says it is my stuff. Never told her about my stuff. She spies on me. I hate it. And when I says I am fine she says I aint.

—Nervous anticipation today. Been coming for awhile. Everyone is excited. Had a whole parish meeting again last night. Fifth this week. Everybody is prepared to do what is right. I am nervous. Bobby says we gonna get arrested. I do not want to be arrested. Bobby says we is though so I gotta look my best. Put on my suit because that is my best. It is the grey one with the jacket. Bit tight since I wore it last. Combed my hair and took a really hot shower and still got bad shivers. Can not get warm. I come out and Ma says I look stupid. Told me to change. I says Bobby says I gotta look my best. She says Bobby is an idiot so change. So I did and now I am wearing jeans and I was wearing a sweater but Ma says it is hot today and to not wear a sweater. Ma is always hot. I am always cold. She says it is hot in the apartment. I do not feel it. Sweated bad all last night but now I have the shivers still so I am not too hot at all. Still nervous. And I feel shit but Bobby says we have to look our best and that means I gotta look clean. Last week he tells me this and I got clean enough but now it is starting to hurt. He says totally clean but I can not do that. So I am doing half. Managed okay on half to start with but now everything is worse. Shivers and hurting. Worse than yesterday which was worse than day before yesterday and I have a feeling it is gonna be worse tomorrow if I do not get back to normal.

Really do not want to be arrested today. Do not want niggers here because they steal but do not want to be arrested. If I get arrested then I can not get back to normal. But if i do not join Bobby says I am a pussy. I am no pussy.

DM

09/09/75
—So I did get arrested! But that is not the half of it! Been wacky few days!! Feel better now though! Mostly back to normal thanks to Other Bob who says he missed me. Gave me the good stuff he says. Slept real good last night. Woke up and did not have shivers bad. Got a lot of energy! I feel so good! I am gonna try and put down everything exactly like it happened while I can remember.

It was thrilling and then dumb and then thrilling again and then it all fell apart! 

I thought we was gonna be early for the rally because me and Bobby wanted to meet around 730. I could not hear nothing from our apartment. Ma says it was all gonna blow over and I thought she was right because I did not hear nothing outside. Then I meet Bobby out in the courtyard and the minute I come out I knew Ma was wrong. This were not gonna blow over. The street across by the school was already packed. Both sidewalks that side of the street and ours by Curly's entrance.

We went looking for Mrs. Fitz because Bobby says she was gonna be at the center of it all. But I did not see a center. The crowd sort of bubbled at the school like that was the head. But it went beyond that and kept going. All the way down Bailey. And there was people from everywhere. A lot of intruders!! But when I mentioned this to Bobby he says that today there were no intruders except the niggers on buses.