If I Can't Have Him...

Being in love

Being in love is weird.

Yoongi had never felt anything like it before and sometimes he didn't know what to do with the emotions that bubbled up inside of him so high and loud that he felt like he had to scream the words at Jeongguk in order for him to understand. In turn, he knew Jeongguk felt the same. He could see it in his eyes, feel it in his kisses, and hear it in his words.

Six months felt like no time at all, and sometimes he had dreams that Jeongguk met the same fate as Felix.

He knew the way Felix had died. He knew that there was practically nothing left by the time they found him. He thankfully didn't see that. The last time he saw him, Felix was all smiles and soft kisses.

But in his dreams, Jeongguk was a torso, lying on the pavement with his tongue cut out and Yoongi’s name carved on his forehead. More often than not, he'd wake up in a cold sweat, a sob tearing up his throat. But Jeongguk always held him through it, kissed him softly, and assured him he was fine. That nothing would take him away from Yoongi.

They slept together every night, whether it was Yoongi's or Jeongguk’s. They were together. So Yoongi pulled Jimin aside one day, and with his permission, he made a plan.

He cooked a big meal, humming and singing along to his music in his kitchen while he waited for Jeongguk to get back from work. Yoongi had a long day, two photoshoots, editing, and a lesson at the gun range. But he didn't want to wait any longer. He knew Jeongguk would say yes, so he wasn't nervous. He was just too excited to wait any longer. When the door opened, Yoongi smiled as Jeongguk walked in

“Hyungie, I'm home!”

“In the kitchen!” He called back

“Hi” he smiled as he wrapped his arms around Yoongi's waist, pressing his chest to his back “how was your day?”

“Good” he nodded as he continued cutting up the vegetables. He turned and pecked Jeongguk’s cheek “how was yours?”

“Stressful” he sighed “but not too bad” he shrugged “better now that I have you in my arms” he kissed Yoongi's temple “can I help?”

“No” he shook his head “I'm almost done if you want to go get a shower?”

“Sounds good, my love” he turned Yoongi around and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips “be right out” Yoongi smiled and kissed him again

“Love you”

“Love you too” one more kiss, and he walked away to get his shower while Yoongi smiled and finished prepping their dinner. Jimin and Taehyung were working a double, neither of them would be there for the night, and even though Yoongi had gotten closer to Jeongguk’s friends, he told Seokjin they couldn't hang out that day. He didn't want to tell them his idea until after Jeongguk said yes.

By the time Jeongguk got out of the shower and made his way back to the kitchen, Yoongi was done cooking. The two of them set the table and sat side by side as Yoongi served “I wish you had put shirt on” Yoongi rolled his eyes. Jeongguk was topless, wearing his loose sweats on his hips, the Calvin Klein waistband of his briefs visible and his hair still damp, dripping slowly onto his skin and Yoongi couldn't think.

“Or maybe you should just take yours off too, even the playing field” Jeongguk shrugged with a smirk, and Yoongi frowned

“That's not how that works”

“Yes it is. You can't think when I'm like this, but how do you think I feel when I see you topless? I mean, it's honestly the same whether you're clothed or not. Either way, you take my breath away” he ran his hand over Yoongi's thigh