If I Can't Have Him...

Here's your plot twist 🤭

Yoongi isn't dumb.

He started to piece things together in school. When they were children. But it was confirmed when he saw Jeongguk at the shelter.

Yoongi didn't believe in coincidence.

He knew as soon as he saw him standing there in his scrubs in the shelter that he had never heard about before. The shelter that messaged him, bragging about his photography skills and saying ‘I can't think of anyone better to do this’ that Felix was dead. He didn't admit it. But somehow, he just knew.

All those years ago, he noticed the way Jeongguk looked at him a little differently than he did the others. The way he pouted more when he spoke to Yoongi, the way he beamed whenever Yoongi gave him the slightest bit of attention. And it fed Yoongi's ego. He liked that Jeongguk followed him around and wanted his time. He ate lunch with Seonghwa because he liked how needy Jeongguk was after.

He didn't question it then, when Seonghwa was gone, and later found dead. He didn't think Jeongguk would go that far.

He didn't say yes to Bogum because he already knew that he wanted Jeongguk. He used the excuse that he wasn't ready to come out, knowing damn well that his parents were fully aware. He had told them. He never bothered to hide anything from them, and his sexuality was no exception. He just really hoped Jeongguk would confess.

When Bogum disappeared, Yoongi had an inkling. A small feeling in the back of his skull that told him something wasn't right. He pushed it down, though. He didn't want to think about it. Ignorance is bliss and all that. He knew that Jeongguk was there when their conversation happened.

Jeongguk liked to think that Yoongi had no idea he followed him around, that he kept an eye on him at all times and hung onto every word he said. He thought it was endearing that Jeongguk went through so much trouble for him. He pretended he didn't know when Jeongguk was hiding around corners or behind bushes. No one else noticed, but Yoongi did.

And then Jeongguk was gone.

He didn't know where he went or why. And again, his brain connected those dots, but he shoved them down. He didn't believe in coincidences if Bogum was gone, and Jeongguk had to leave.. he knew.

He didn't want to know, though, so he continued to stuff it down, further and further, until he never saw those dots in the first place.

When he was sixteen, all of the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and that same shiver went down his spine as when Jeongguk would follow him around. When Jeongguk would lurk and hide, Yoongi saw it as an endearing game. And now he felt it again. It didn't take him long to catch on. He knew he was followed. He'd seen the kid suddenly taking an interest in him, and for whatever reason, he knew it was Jeongguk.

Jeongguk was still lurking around corners and behind bushes from wherever the hell he was. And Yoongi let himself be seen.

For Jeongguk.

He'd even pose when he was alone in his room, hoping that the guy got the right angle so Jeongguk could see him properly. He felt stupid. He knew he shouldn't do it. But it felt so good to be that wanted. Could you imagine someone wanting you so much that even when they couldn't physically be near you, they sent someone else to make sure you were okay?

He was a teenager, and teenagers had needs.

He started hooking up with boys, wondering if they'd disappear too, but they never did. The kid must not have taken pictures of the guys he was hooking up with, and that was fine. So Yoongi made sure he had hickies to be photographed. Maybe if Jeongguk got jealous enough, he'd come back.