Since the day I met you

|27| PTSD

I had lost all awareness of time for a good while, one minute I'm awake and the next I'm not. To be honest everything that happened felt like a dream, part of me wanted to stay in my current state and avoid reality but consciousness was pulling me back in.

I can hear beeps

Slowly but surely my eyes open, I saw my
dads face first as well as the immediate relief that took over him once I had woken up. I look around, realising that we're in a hospital. For a split second I forgot what happened, but then I felt this horrible pain shooting up my entire body (almost like a burning sensation) and I remembered.

"Dad", I finally whisper

He holds my hand softly, "Hey princess"

He pulls his chair closer to the bed, "How you feeling?"

"Horrible", I reply whilst laying there

"Yeah it should feel like that for awhile, they're gonna prescribe you with some meds soon"

"Where's mom?"

"At home with the kids, she didn't wanna leave but we needed her to rest"

I nod whilst fiddling with the tube connected to my hand, there's still some stained blood on my arm.

"Amariah", Dad looks at me knowingly

"I'm sorry", I start to cry

"We spoke about this"

I sniff, "I know but I feel horrible"

"You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you need to forgive yourself. And besides, it wasn't right for me to tell Xavier to break up with you" He says softly

I miss him

"You changed your mind?"

Dad sighs, "I think that seeing how you were during the time you were apart made me realise how much you loved each other. I don't need to question his intentions with you, hes made it clear time and time again that he loves you and he's quite ready to take responsibility for what you did last night"

I've never actually mentioned what I did out loud, as soon as my dad said that I just felt this twisted knot in my stomach.

"Are you mad at me?"

"What you did was very unwise and I wish things went differently, but Treyvon definitely had that coming"

"Is he....-

Dad shakes his head, "No"

I look through the window on the door, suddenly feeling alarmed that the cops are outside.

"What are they doing here"

"They don't know anything, they're here to look out for you. Your mom demanded it. At some point they are gonna want to ask you how you got that wound"

Now I feel sick

"Today?"

"No, not today. I've told them you need to rest"

I shuffle after finally digging up the courage to ask what I've been wanting to ask, "When can I see them?" I ask quietly

"Not right now, Darnel's not letting them leave the house"

"It's not their fau-

"Respectfully, it is" He tried not to sound irritated as he said this

"They didn't ask me to shoot the gun", I say annoyed

"You didn't let me finish. All of you play a part in this because you all had the chance to say something to me, you also told your sisters. But I don't wanna get into that right now"