Since the day I met you

|43| F*ck that Attitude

"Hi", I say softly

Xavier stands up from the bed with relief, he seemed a little stressed which only made me feel bad. "Baby I-

"Wait. You don't have to explain, it's not your fault"

He goes quiet as I hold his face, "I'm sorry.....I shouldn't have snapped at you"

His brows furrow slightly, "Do you really think I'd do that to you?"

I sigh, "I know you wouldn't but when Mila told me who she was I guess I just felt threatened"

"What? Why?"

"You lost your virginity to her, she's a bitch but she's still older and beautiful. I know I always say I don't care about your past but I just say that because I don't really know if I can handle hearing about it" I tell him honestly

Zay holds my waist with a soft look, "Listen to me. You don't need to feel any type of way about anyone I've done shit with in the past because you are who I want, and I've never been in love with any one of those girls. She may have been my first but you're my last. I love you, you're sexy and you're so beautiful, the most beautiful girl in the world at that matter. This is where I'm at and it's not changing"

I tried not to cry but my eyes watered a bit as he said this to me, I smile a little before whispering. "Thank you"

I know I'm confident but I'm also human, I'd be lying if I said there's never been times where I felt like shit and felt as if I didn't deserve him. Sometimes I just need that reassurance.

Zay hugs me, "Anytime"

Over his shoulder I see Kaian passing through the corridor , "Thank you" I mouth

He winks a your welcome before heading downstairs

"Ask me anything", My boyfriend says

I remember throwing away my fourteenth birthday card that he got me when I found out he had sex with someone, I'm assuming it was Jada.

"Did you have feelings for her", I murmur

"A little bit, but you were also on my mind a lot of the time"

"So when you kissed me for the first time was that you making a decision?"

"Yes"

"She said you guys were really close"

"We were close friends up until me and you started getting serious"

He's referring to last year around the times where I was fifteen and he was sixteen, we started getting closer during September. Things between us were definitely a slow burn because I still didn't fully trust him, he used to be such a flirt and never knew what he wanted. Then obviously the drug stuff was a plus.

"Did you guys have sex when me and you were on pause?"

"Once. About three weeks after you stopped talking to me I tried to distract myself but I wasn't feeling her like that, I guess she started to like me more since then but I blocked her"

"So when did you have sex with the other girl"

"In the same week, and no we don't speak. She actually understands what a one off means, we met at a party and that was that"

"Hmm.....did you go down on any of them?"

"Nah"

Ok I feel a little better

"Alright"

"Anything else?"

I shake my head and he gives me another kiss, "Don't be scared to ask me things ok? Even if it's random shit just ask me, I'm always straight up with you"