When The Rain Washes You Clean. (You'll Know.)

Chapter Eleven.

Maybe Leland shouldn't be as surprised as he is, that he ended up staying on the farm.

It was after Johnny stormed out of the room, and he was left with his thoughts once again - that he actually sat to think about his options. He knew that the major part of him wanted to go back home to Ana, and put all of this in the past - but the logical part of him knew that it wasn't the right idea right now. He hates to admit that Johnny was right about it all, Angela definitely wouldn't allow him to continue to marry if he went back now - and he knew his relationship with Ana wouldn't be the same either. There was no way he could actually admit to what happened on the farm here to her as well, and he also knew that he couldn't lie either; so he knew that it was a shit storm waiting to brew if he left straight away.

It was just a problem that Leland knew he would have to deal with at another time, and he does his best to just push it away for now. He can cross that bridge when his three months are fully up and have a better understanding of how to talk to Ana about it. The new problem that he needs to face now is the fact that since he decided to stay, he had the Johnny issue as well.

Their argument left a sour taste in his mouth, and the more he sits and stews in on it - the angrier his body starts to feel about it. He didn't like the way that Johnny called him out on some stuff, and he didn't like the way all of it was actually handled. He could tell straight away from when they were yelling at each other, that the friendship they shared was definitely gone - and now that he was alone with his thoughts on that one, Leland could feel a wave of sadness wash over him from it. He tries to pinpoint the exact moment things went sour between them both, and he knows the majority of it came from the barn incident - but when he thinks harder on it, he's remembering something Johnny told him that day - that's now sticking out on him like a sore thumb.

Johnny outright plain and simple told him that he was the one who climbed into Johnny's bed and kissed him the night of the campfire. Leland was too fired up at that moment to fully understand the words that Johnny was speaking, but now that he's alone with a clearer mind - he does his best to focus on those words. He still feels uncomfortable thinking that he was the one who did that all, but a smaller part of him actually believes it to be true. Which is what scares him the absolute most, because why would he want to actually kiss Johnny? Another phrase that Johnny told him that day as well, was how he was going on about how Leland wanted him to the point that he was hating himself over it. To the point of pushing it to the back of his head, and trying to ignore any attraction towards the man himself. It's another one that fired Leland up that day in the barn, but it's also another one that's weighing heavily on his mind right now.

He wouldn't allow himself to actually think nor process the events that happened, too scared to see what the outcome would be - but now that he's just fought, once again with Johnny and his eyes have been opened to more things once more - he fears he can't just keep ignoring this anymore. He needs to explore his mind right now, untuck these strange feelings that were stored away and face them head on like a man. Even if the outcome is going to scare him the most.

He can already admit that some things that he's done, isn't something a straight man would do. From watching Johnny's body at work, all the way up to watching him pleasure himself in his own room - Leland can now see how bad that looks on his side. He bites down hard on his lower lip, his heart beat going even faster against his chest the more he thinks on everything that he's done. He was the one who wanted to get closer to Johnny for an unknown reason, and he was the one who would feel these waves of jealousy over Johnny and Sonny for no apparent reason. He still can't figure out the exact reason why he would be feeling this type of way, but the more he thinks on the.. Attraction he has towards the taller man, the more Leland is coming to slowly hate himself as well.