When The Rain Washes You Clean. (You'll Know.)

Chapter Nineteen.

And then it happened, the one thing Leland was so scared of breaking loose between the strains of him and Johnny; got free.

His heart was in the pit of his stomach for this, the instant feeling of remorsefulness washes through his body - from his head to his toes, making his whole body feel like it was going to cave in on itself. His eyes were still locked with Ana's and he can see the exact moment a tear falls from her eyes, before she's turning on her feet and making a run for it back into the house.

He can still feel Johnny pressed against him, but any other feelings he has for this man flew straight out of the window, the second Ana disappeared from his sight. His mind rewired itself to what he had just done, to what he just made Ana witness and how fucking broken he feels right now. Now that what he and Johnny have shared was out in the open, all he could think about is how he hurt the other woman. Leland's mind is running in circles, telling him that what he just did was the worst thing a person could possibly do, and he wants to hide away right now. He wants the earth beneath him to crack open, swallow him down and put him into the pit of the centre of the earth.

He has to push Johnny away from him, he has to get himself out of this mess before it continues on. And as much as it's going to kill him, and Johnny for this, he can't allow himself to collapse underneath this man. As much as his body is telling him he wants Johnny, his heart is telling him he needs to go after Ana. And Leland does the thing he knows will break down this man once more, and that's when he uses the grip he has on Johnny's shirt - to push him away roughly. Johnny stumbles back out of shock, his eyes widening from the sudden movement Leland did to him - and when their eyes connect once more; Leland can see nothing but the bruise he just left on Johnny's heart.

He doesn't know how to say anything, can't make any words come out of his mouth as he looks at the older man - and even though everything is aching to be with Johnny right now, his heart is still screaming at him to find Ana. So Leland does, he looks at Johnny with so much sorrowfulness in his eyes - before he's ducking his head, and making a beeline for the house as well. He doesn't dare look back to see how Johnny has reacted to all of this, because he knows he'll completely break if he sees Johnny's face.

Leland had to make a choice at the end of all of this, and he knew that no matter what, someone was going to get hurt by this... Just, why did he think he could make it so that no one would be broken down?

His heart feels like it's in two places inside of his body, resting at the bottom of his stomach - while lodging itself in his throat, and he genuinely feels nothing but hurt as his feet move him into the house. His heart is still longing for Ana, begging and hoping that he could make things right with her - and he doesn't even care that he looks like a desperate fool right now; pushing past the family, as he jumps his way up the stairs. He just needs to speak with her before it's too late, and everything Leland had built up in his world revolving around her; will sink to the bottom of the ocean, never to be found again. It kills him in more ways than one to have that thought inside of his mind, and when he thinks about how Ana is feeling with all of this - he feels like he could just jump off the closest building.

He doesn't understand how he allowed himself to get wrapped up in a person he's only known for three months, when Ana has been with him for years. Why did his heart decide it would be a good thing to drive new roads, when he could've just stayed on the familiar ones?

He wants to cry as well, but he sucks it down the best he could as he makes his way towards his room - he needs to try and keep everything inside of him as calm as can be, especially if he wants to try and talk with Ana about this all. He's afraid that if he let all of his emotions out for display, he'll stumble over words and say things he doesn't mean - and that's a bigger chance of losing Ana completely. He can't allow that to happen at all, he's unsure if he could take it watching her walk out of the door on him.