𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓽𝓱𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 • 𝓳𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 | ✓ |

6. 𝓾𝓷𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓷

                           |6|
               "you look so tired, unhappy"
         ||NO SURPRISES; RADIOHEAD||
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
  TW: MENTION OF SMOKING,          MENTION OF SELF-HATRED
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
once i entered the living room, i spotted sodapop sitting on the couch, all alone. everyone else was awake now and getting ready for work. soda was all dressed and ready before darry for what seemed to be the first time ever.

i slowly walked over to him and plopped down on the empty spot on the couch next to him. steve and darry were running around the house, looking for whatever they possibly might need for work.

i turned to look at soda, who hadn't even acknowledged i was sitting there. he looked sulky, more than me. he looked worse than he did earlier this morning. this situation with sandy was really taking a toll on him.

"h-hey soda?" i said quietly, but just loud enough for him to hear me. he slowly turned to face me. he rubbed his face and sighed before responding.

"yea johnny? y'need somethin'?" he asked.

"no, i was. just seein' how you're holdin' up."

he sighed again, heavier than last time.

"it's uh...it's gettin' better by any means. i do appreciate our conversation this mornin' though. you're the only person who takes time to notice if somethin' is up with someone."

i formed a faint smile. "i care about ya soda, and so does everyone else here. sometimes they aren't the best at showin' it, but they really do care about ya deep down."

he smiled back, the first smile i'd seen from him in a hot minute. "thanks johnny. you're right."

i placed my hand on his shoulder and patted it as we watched steve search for his jean jacket vest.

"hey wait," soda started, "i've got a question."

"hm? what's up?"

"do you know why pony's all cooped up in his room? he's got school today and he never misses a day of school."

shit.

was i that big of a jerk?

i skip school all the time, mainly because i already know i'm never going to college and i don't take pride in my school knowledge, but it's unlike pony to skip, even when something might be going on.

"n-no...i don't have a clue!" i lied nervously. i've never been a good liar unless it comes to how i feel about situations. otherwise, i can't lie for the life of me.

"are you sure?" he asked, aware of my lying.

"mhm!" i replied, nodding.

i could tell he was very suspicious of me, due to the fact he just wouldn't let it go. for a minute, we went back and forth, him asking me if i was sure, and me replying with reassuring, but false answers. finally, he'd had enough.

"johnny cade, what's wrong with my brother?" he asked sternly, but maintaining a calm demeanor.

i looked around the room nervously, not wanting to answer. i wanted to be anywhere rather than here at the moment. i couldn't tell soda, i didn't want to risk him being mad at me.

all of a sudden, ponyboy storms out of his bedroom bearing his book bag. soda and i watched as he walked right by us, side eyeing me along the way, and out onto the front porch to smoke a cigarette.

soda then slowly looked back at me with a "there's no escaping this now" look, waiting for me to finally give in.

then, i did.

"pony was telling me about his experience with cherry and i accidentally got upset and said 'okay, i get it' but i really didn't mean it i just-"

"i understand." he interrupted with a soft smile, "i one-hundred percent get it."

i returned the smile before darry appeared in the room.

"soda, steve, pony, let's go!" he called out, grabbing his keys and making his way out the door. i saw pony quickly stomp out his cigarette and dash to the truck, not even bothering to say goodbye like usual.

it did hurt, it really did. i sincerely didnt mean to hurt his feelings. i just can't control myself sometimes. i just hate that i did that. i hate myself.

soda patted my shoulder before grabbing his dx hat off the rack and jogging outside to meet the others. i decided to walk out onto the porch to smoke, to cool my nerves.

i lit the weed as i watched the four cram into darry's truck. i placed it between my lips as i watched ponyboy roll the window down. he was always squished against the door. once he spotted me, he stared at me for just a second. i felt pretty awkward. i didn't know what to do. i just proceeded to smoke.

as the truck began to drive off, pony gave me a not-so-kind hand gesture. he made sure to do it where darry wouldn't see, and held up that finger until the truck was out of sight.

damn.

really?

i mean, i know how pony is. he adds onto any situation and makes it seem worse than it really is. i'm the exact opposite. i make situations seem less than they really are. i just don't want to seem like a burden to everyone.

after a few more puffs, i stomped out the cig and went back inside. today was gonna be a long. soda was working all day, pony wont want anything to do with me after school, and i have no clue when dally's coming back.

i sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. i grabbed the old, broken remote, flipped through the few channels, and finally decided on some random show i had no interest in. i tried to convince myself i was interested so i could possibly distract myself from everything else going on at the moment.