𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓽𝓱𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 • 𝓳𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 | ✓ |

13. 𝓫𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓼𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

|13|
  "you know, you really made me hate myself."
           ||EVERGREEN; OMAR APOLLO||
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
TW: SELF-HATRED, SUICIDE
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
and i ran.

again.

this can't be.

it's not real.

that didn't just happen.

"it was just a misunderstanding" replayed over and over in my mind like a broken record.

i was wrong the whole time.

he didn't like me like that.

that's my fault.

i ruined everything between us.

i just couldn't keep myself under control.

i just had to go and blow it.

i wasn't even out of breath anymore from all the running. i didn't feel tired. i didn't feel anything.

i reached the front steps of the home i hadn't visited since i last got beat. there wasn't a car in the driveway so i attempted to turn the door handle, but it was locked.

there was something different about the handle.

it was new.

meaning they changed the locks.

damnit.

i checked through the crack in the window and saw my father's passed out figure surrounded by bottles in the living room.

can't do it.

too risky.

i made a quick decision to head to the curtis household.

i ran.

and ran.

and ran.

sprinted all the way there.

still, not out of breath.

everything felt so...surreal.

i just want to...feel.

i hated this numb feeling.

it was killing me.

i ran into the house, not checking to see if anyone was home. i didn't care.

i ran straight into 'my room' and immediately stood in front of the mirror.

the tall, broken mirror i had in the corner of the room.

i inspected myself.

my dark ebony eyes.

my disgusting tan skin.

every single part of myself i now suddenly hated.

i shook my head and headed for the drawer in the nightstand by the bed.

i pulled out the switchblade.

i opened it.

i pulled off my denim jacket.

i tossed it to the floor.

i held the blade straight up.

i took a deep breath.

i carved a heart deep into my wrist.

i carved a "D" inside of the heart.

i carved the zigzag through the middle.

i dropped the knife to the floor.

the sweet, yet bitter sensation of pain overran my body as the flow of blood was released from the cut.

far deeper than intended.

but i didn't regret it.

i clutched my wrist with my other hand in hopes to possibly dampen the pain.

god, it burned.

i dropped hard to the hard wood floor.

for a few minutes, the pain soon became almost unbearable.

i removed my hand from the wound, revealing the gory appearance.

a pond of blood surrounded me on the floor after a while.

my vision blurred.

my limbs grew weak.

soon, the pain was no more.

i felt myself give into the bitter satisfaction of what i felt needed to be done.

i shut my eyes, and everything went dark.