𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓽𝓱𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 • 𝓳𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 | ✓ |

14. 𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓽

|14|
the entire verse two. (see comments)
||EAST SIDE OF SORROW; ZACH BRYAN||
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
                            TW: DEATH
                        ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

                      ~𝘋𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘴 𝘞𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘯'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝~

it's been two weeks.

he's dead.

johnny's dead.

the doctor told me he did all he could, but they just found him too late at the curtis house.

i should've followed him that night, i just didn't want him to be anymore angrier with me than he already was.

he had a right to be angry with me.

i absolutely crushed him.

it's my fault he's dead.

i'm so stupid.

i should've just told him how i really felt.

i should've quit caring about what other people would think. i should've expressed the love i had for him. how much i loved him.

but i didn't, and now he's gone.

i just wish i could've expressed to him how much i really cared about him and how sorry i was for taking this big of a toll on him.

i'd tried to disprove the feelings i had for him for so long. when he was in the hospital, i just couldn't handle it. i didn't want to lose him, so i got tangled up with tim shepherd's gang as a coping mechanism.

i guess he was right; i really was flirting with him, i was just too scared to admit it.

id slept at the hospital for a whole two weeks. they said he was gone far before. he actually died the night of, but i just didn't want to believe it. i couldn't.

after sodapop got home from the party, he noticed the front door wide open and searched the house. he then saw johnny's lifeless body laying in his own blood and called the police.

he's been really going through it here recently. johnny has been helping him out a whole lot lately with what i know now to be his situation with sandy, but now he's gone.

he found johnny's jacket in the room with him on the floor. i guess he had taken it off before...doing that. i ran by the house only for a second when he found it to take it for myself.

i was wearing it now.

sure, it was a bit small on me, but it felt like he was close to me; as close as he was when we laid together.

soda isn't sure what to do. sandy's been gaslighting into getting back with him and possibly working things out, and he just doesn't know what to do. he doesn't have johnny to help him out anymore.

as for ponyboy, when he found out johnny was dead, it hit him like a ton of fucking bricks. their friendship had been pretty rocky from what i could see, and pony hadn't been saying some very great things about johnny behind his back.

i guess he really realized that he would never get to work things out with johnny. johnny died with pony hating him, and i don't think he's gonna be able to get over that anytime soon.

and then there's me.

the entire situation has made me feel sick to my stomach since i found out. hell, i threw up. i'm supposed to be the tough guy, the cold hood, but i cried for hours.

solely because i never called him when the party was over. he never got to see the end of the party. also, i was the last encounter he had before he ended it all. i was the very last person he ever talked to.

whenever soda found him, he said that there was a specific...thing he carved into himself with the blade.

a heart.

a broken one.

with my initial in the middle.

just the thought of it caused a tear to stream down my cheek.

i destroyed that boy.

i killed him.

i put him through mental hell without even realizing it.

he's gone.

i feel now like i'm gone as well.

he was the last thing i had that was good.

the doctor finally had to tell me to leave because they had to do something with his body, and i wasn't going anywhere away from it.

i had no where to go.

pony's told everyone it's my fault he's dead, which he isn't wrong, but now they don't want me around. whenever anyone else would visit the hospital (which wasn't much), they avoided me at all costs.

i didn't want to show my face to anyone.

i felt so ashamed.

the boy i was madly in love with, the boy i was too afraid to express my true feelings to, is dead, because of me.

i walked along the side of the road for what seemed like miles, thinking over everything that's happened the past four days. most the roads were oddly busy.

the day i came back, the jacket, the movie, the invitation, when i saw him getting ready, the party, and finally in the middle of the road.

that's where i was now.

that same street.

standing in the middle of the road.

i laid down on the pavement and spread out my limbs, taking in the haunting memory of his road. i hated this road, hated it with all of me. however, i know i shouldn't, because it's not the road's fault, it's mine.

however, i cherished it. it's the last memory i had with johnny. the last memory i would ever have with johnny.

i laid there for a few minutes. the sun was starting to rise. i didn't know what time it was, but it was early, maybe around six a.m.

as i started to stand up, i heard the screeching of brakes right behind me.

i felt the contact between the car and my body.

i suddenly hit the ground from impact, hard, and everything went dark.