half naked & almost famous | lil peep

4. gus (present day)

third person; gus age 20

i met her by chance
i said, "i really like your pants"
i know you got a man
gimme your hand 
teen romance
gimme this dance
yeah, i took a xan 
i hope you understand 
let me guide you
to a place where
no one hurts you
you are safe here with me 

gus finished singing the last song of his set. he'd been posting his music on soundcloud since high school, he'd moved on to playing shows at small venues. 

"lil peep! lil peep! lil peep!" his dedicated crowd of fans chanted. he didn't consider himself famous in anyway, but he was extremely thankful for his small but loyal fanbase. 

"thank you guys, i love you!" gus shouted into the mic to his audience, getting nothing but screams in response. gus was greeted off stage by his best friend jazz, known musically as "lil tracy" whom he created a lot of his songs with. 

"great job" tracy praised him. "lets party" gus, poured two shots and passed them beween tracy and himself. he couldn't believe this was his life now, and it was only gonna get bigger and better. 

he loved the rockstar life, the booze, the drugs, the parties, the girls. for one in his life people wanted to be around him. he was no longer an outcast. gus had a small apartment in town, although he lived alone he never felt like it. there was always someone over, friends, producers, other artists, girls, dealers, you name it. he never said no to having anyone over. he spent so much of his life feeling like a stray he would never put someone else in that position. 

he continued his average weekend routine, putting back shots and taking basically any drug offered to him. girls liked him, he never had to try hard to find a girl to bring home. they practically threw themselves at him, and his friends. 

sometimes gus felt like he was being used. people loved lil peep, not a lot of people knew or loved gus. he poured his soul into his music but he felt like no one really knew him besides a select few. 

people liked him for the clout, for the parties, the drugs, for an instagram picture. he tried his best to only keep real people around, but some of them were real manipulative. gus had a huge heart so it was easy for him to let people walk over him. he was always doing things for others that they would never return the favour of. 

gus had a mom, and an older brother. he was close with his family. he had a dog too, taz. other than music he also liked to draw. he liked fashion, and shoes. he was a very creative soul. he plastered his life with art, including his body. his tattoos were characteristic of him. so was his hair, he changed the colour often. he didn't care what anyone thought of his look, he liked it. 

he never developed many artistic hobbies. which is partly why he never quite felt like he fit in with his peers. gus had struggled with his mental health for as long as he could remember. he struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideations. he did have good times, like when he was performing. although it was merely just a filling of the empty feeling. the same reason he did the amount of drugs he did. anything to numb the pain or distract him from the war zone of his mind, even just for a second. 

gus wasn't feeling the best tonight, he probably just drank a little too much, or maybe mixed a bad combo of pills. it happened sometimes."

gus pulled tracy aside, "i'm gonna go get some air" he informed his friend. tracy just nodded in acknowledgement, being distracted by the next person walking by. 

gus found the back door to the venue, taking a deep inhale of the cold air. he sat on the edge of the curb, just trying to ground himself. his head was spinning a bit but he'd certainly felt worse. 

he took a smoke from the pack in his back pocket. he dug around in the rest of his pockets "shit" he realized he had no lighter. 

"hey, got a light?" he asked the girl walking by. he stopped himself, realizing she probably thought he was gonna try an kidnap her or something. "sorry, not trying to scare you" he apologized to the girl. 

the girl didn't take him as much of a threat, offering him the lighter from her sweater pocket. "thanks", he lit the cigarette and passed the lighter back to the girl. 

"sorry again, i wasn't trying to freak you out or anything. i know how it is for girls out here" gus felt bad. "it's fine, really. as long as you don't decide to try and kill me now" she laughed. "swear" gus joked. 

he didn't like to judge a book by its cover but he noticed her legs. she had bruises on her legs and scuffs that looked like the pattern of a fishnet tight. she wasn't limping, but she stepped cautiously as if shed been in heels a little too long. she was blonde, pretty. she had dark eye makeup on and it was a little bit smudged underneath her eyes. 

he couldn't talk though, he wasn't the definition of an outstanding member of society either.