half naked & almost famous | lil peep

19. fame has a price too

farrah's pov

"hey baby", i greeted gus at his door, immediately being engulfed into his arms. "i missed you so much" he said, kissing the top of my head.

"i missed you too baby" i told him. "im sorry, it's been so crazy lately. you know, work and kayla" i shrugged.

"i know, i understand it's okay" i assured her. "kayla is sleeping over at her friends for the weekend, so you have me all to yourself" i told him

"just the way i like it" he smirked

"i'm just going to the bathroom quickly, i'll be right back" i told him, placing a quick peck on his lips.

i was so lucky, he stayed by my side through all this kayla shit even though i was super distracted. i wasn't giving him all of me but he was still giving me all of him.

things seemed to be settling a little, hopefully things could start going back to normal soon.

i looked at myself in the mirror, picking at my skin a little. it was basically impossible to walk past a mirror without doing it.

something caught my eye, the stark contrast of a black hair against his white counter.

i hadn't had dark hair since high school, and gus had pink hair at the moment. plus it was too long to be his anyways.

i picked it up, holding it between my acrylics. "hmm" i said to myself.

now that i was paying attention, another one caught my eye, and another, and another , and another, all over the bathroom.

i felt insane, acting like a cop over hair, but it wasn't mine and it wasn't his. and there was a fair amount of it around.

mixed in with his crap on the counter was two hair elastics, also with black hairs tangled onto them. i felt a little less crazy now, there was actual items.

i added them to my collection in my left hand. i wasn't ready to accuse him of anything, it's just hair after all. but it was still weird.

i stepped backwards, something crunching under my foot, my brow raised, what was that?

i looked under the mat, under my foot. i found a loose red acrylic nail, which i had broken in half. it was almond shape, i only ever did coffin. i also can't remember the last time i had red nails.

i had a horrible feeling grow in my stomach. something was wrong about this, but i refused to believe it.

i was suspicious now, onto the trail of whatever this was. i opened the drawer of his vanity, immediately finding a lip gloss that also wasn't mine.

revlon? i would never, i looked at my own dior glossed lips in the mirror.

my worst fear was coming true in front of me. he wouldn't cheat on me? would he?

whatever happened, whoever this stuff belongs to wanted me to know she was here.

"gustav" i said bluntly, standing in his door frame. i tried to maintain my stern demeanour, with the goal of getting answers. i hardly could though, tears brimmed in eyes. it took everything in my to stop the quiver in my lip.

"farrah, what's wrong?" he asked, immediately knowing something was up.

"what the fuck is this, whose are these?" i asked, dropping the handful of hairs, hair elastics, nail, and lip gloss on his bed in front of him.

the sight of it obviously made him tense. that didn't make me feel any better.

"i don't know baby, are they not yours?" he asked

"don't fucking lie" i said on the verge of tears.

"and don't tell me they're mine. do i look like i have black hair to you? plus that isn't my nail shape, and i'd never wear cheap gloss like that" i continued, letting him know i wasn't falling for any of his bullshit.

"farrah-" he started, "just fucking answer the question gus" i sighed.

him saying so little told me so much, unfortunately just confirming my worse fear.

"you are such a piece of shit!" i screamed at him, picking up a thong off of the floor at the end of his bed.

i pinched it between my nails, it was a biohazard for all i knew. "and don't even try, i don't wear an xxs, and all my shit is custom made" i cried.

i dropped the underwear back to the floor.

"just say it gus, you're caught. just man up and say it" i sobbed

"im sorry farrah" was all he said,

"who is she?" i asked

"layla" he said.

i'd never heard of a layla before, i don't know if that made it better or worse.

"please farrah, im so sorry. i fucked up, this is the biggest mistake of my life" he began to plead.

"what did i do gus? why am i not good enough for you?" my voice cracked, tears continued to fall down my cheeks.

"no farrah, you're perfect. i'm sorry i was so stupid. i was drunk and i missed you and you just...you hadn't been around and she was just there and it was just...it was stupid" he couldn't even look at me, he stared at the wall behind my head.

"if it makes you feel any better, nothing really happened. i knew it was wrong, all i wanted was you" he added.

"why would that make me feel better? you fucking cheated on me" i began screaming.

"i fucked up farrah, i was fucked up" he said, trying to rationalize it.

"i don't care how fucked up you are, you don't fucking cheat!" i yelled

"farrah, please, don't leave me. can we please just try and work this out. we can, i promise. i'm gonna spend the rest of my life making this up to you" he begged

"no gus, im busy for a few days and you have some bitch from your dms in your bed already. i should have known better than to think you wouldn't have fallen back into this stupid fucking lifestyle. you blow up a little and think you can act like this? like i'm just gonna chase you forever now? you're fucking wrong" i continued going off on him.

"you probably fucking love this shit. you love all the girls fucking all over you. i didn't even say shit about it until now because i fucking trusted you!" i was full on sobbing now, hardly even able to stand.

"no farrah, i'd give any of this up in a second to be with you. it was a one time fuck up i swear baby" he said

"this is what you wanted! are you just now seeing the downside? didn't you know fame has a price too? it's me, if this is how you're gonna act" i grew even angrier, this is what he prayed for, what he'd give anything for, i watched him put his soul into getting this.

"it is what i want baby, and so are you, i don't want this if i can't have you" he bartered

"then that's too bad gus. you should have thought of that before you let any old cheap slut climb on your dick. we're fucking over. i fucking hate you!"

"fuck you!" i screamed one last time before storming out of his apartment.

how could he do this do me?

why wasn't i enough?

maybe i saved myself more pain later on, if he couldn't handle me being busy for a week without cheating on me, i can't imagine what he was going to do when we were both living in the fast lane.

he was talking about touring with this album too. i couldn't imagine. maybe i dodged a bullet.